• The beauty of open adoption

    ByKristin adoption, Ben, Cate, family, Rachel

    Throughout the years, weโ€™ve always talked about their infant adoptions with our kids. Even so, I think their stories come with a fair amount of fantasizing about what their biological families look like, physically and in every other way. Generally, open adoption seems messy, but I’ve also been blessed to see the beauty.

    Cate met her birth mom when she was 6. Circumstances with the mutual loved ones who were our initial connection put us all in the same place, so it was a natural progression. It was wonderful for Cate to put a face with a name. Over the next few years, she saw her birthmom a few more times and could reach out to her today, if need be. Her biological maternal grandparents send birthday cards and gifts each year. 

    Ben, 15, hasnโ€™t met his birth mom, but, throughout the years, he has met some biological people: a half-brother, a half-sister, and a maternal grandpa. I think even just knowing they exist and how they fit into his story has been beneficial for him as he processes his story of becoming a Taylor. 

    Rachel, who is 10, asked ot meet her birth mom for years because I felt like the time was right. I reached out to her birth mom as Rachelโ€™s 10th birthday approached and asked what she thought about us taking her to dinner. She was all for it. We found a good time in September and met at Rachelโ€™s favorite restaurant. Her sweet birth mom brought her a birthday present, and the two of them asked and answered lots of get-to-know-you questions about favorites, movies, shows, family, and experiences. It was a sweet time that I felt privileged to witness.

    November is National Adoption Awareness Month. I recognized adoption is complicated and beautiful. The goodness that comes from building families this way starts with grief every single time. Iโ€™m thankful for my kidsโ€™ stories, the faithfulness of their biological families in loving them from afar, and the opportunities weโ€™ve had to build relationships through open adoptions. 

    I also realize every adoption story is different. I can quickly draw some parallels in my kidsโ€™ individual stories, but there are plenty of differences too. Adoption is relational in every sense, and that means each birth mom is her own person. Likewise, each child processes adoption differently as they grow up. 

    My kids, who were raised in the same house over the past 18 years, each have been affected differently by adoption. The circumstances that brought them to us were also unique. Their brain development in the womb, God-given personalities, and childhood experiences give them a perspective that is unlike anyone elseโ€™s โ€“ and thatโ€™s both beautiful and challenging. I donโ€™t know parenting apart from these three kids who came to us through the gift from other women. 

    Adoption Resources

    Other resources, including lists of books, grants, and past blog posts, are available on my website.ย I also previously wrote about my firstborn daughter meeting her birth mom in 2013.

    *****

    God authors the stories on our porches โ€“ in every season. If you havenโ€™t already, please subscribe to  #PorchStories emails to receive them about every other week.

  • ยกPura vida!

    ByKristin Cate, faith

    My girl and I kicked off summer with a mission trip to Costa Rica during the last week of May. 

    Honestly, Iโ€™m not much of an overnight chaperone. Iโ€™ve also turned down our churchโ€™s youth pastorโ€™s request to chaperone day trips. Just not my gifting! BUT I wanted to go with Cate, who recently graduated from high school. She went last year with our church (and her dad!), so I wanted to share in the experience. 

    Short story: Iโ€™m glad I went on this trip that seemed to mark a new season of motherhood for me with my eldest girl. God also encouraged me despite feeling out of place the first couple of days. 

    Our team of 24 people from Hardin Baptist Church, including mostly teenagers who just finished junior or senior years at high school, volunteered with Iglesia Biblica Pan de Vida in Sarchi, Costa Rica. We had visited many different homes, schools, and nursing homes. Costa Rica is a truly beautiful country โ€“ the people, the mountains and valleys, the pops of color from flowers and homes, and the stunning natural coastlines.ย 

    The staff at Campamento Brittney in Atenas area took good care of us, especially with delicious food! I was the mom in a room with three teenagers โ€“ my girl, her new good friend Kenna, and Stacy, a sweet girl our family has known for years. The translators were awesome โ€“ and incredibly helpful. 

    More importantly, people were changed through these conversations as we shared our Jesus and our stories. We met strangers who asked us tough, honest questions. We shared our stories of following Jesus. The language barrier didnโ€™t matter, especially with the kids in the schools we visited. 

    How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in himย of whom they have never heard?ย And how are they to hearย without someone preaching?ย And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written,ย โ€œHow beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!โ€ย Butย they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Isaiah says,ย โ€œLord, who has believed what he has heard from us?โ€ Soย faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.

    (Romans 10:14-17 ESV)

    Other highlights:

    • One of our team members accepted Christ and began following Him for the first time. I loved seeing other teenagers encourage her in that initial surrender.ย 
    • We focused on living a missional life of surrender through daily devotions and debriefs. We can be missionaries โ€” wherever we are! As a mom, I was specifically encouraged by God, which was then echoed by my translator friend Samuel.
    • These teenagers were bold, faithful, kind, and funny. Witnessing them as individuals and a group greatly encouraged me.
    • Motioneaze oil became my friend as I kept getting nauseated on the hot bus on the curvy mountain roads. Thanks to my new friend Carissa for providing this relief.ย 
    • Our team was the first of two teams from our church to go serve in Costa Rica. Throughout the two weeks, three team members came to Christ; 14 people led to Christ from the communities & schools across Sarchi; about 1,600 people heard the good news of Jesus through home, school, and nursing home visits; fivee sermons from team members were preached at Iglesia Biblica Pan de Vida; two sermons from team members preached at Escuela Primeria de Sarchi Norte; and 58 teenagers and adults returned home to continue telling others about Jesus.

    If you want to see more pictures, here are the pictures I posted on social media. Letโ€™s continue to celebrate living faithfully wherever we are! 

  • Grown up & full of grace

    ByKristin Cate, motherhood

    Photo by Abby Cadwell // Website & Instagram

    What a joy it has been raising this girl. I mean, we arenโ€™t done. But here we are with our firstborn girl โ€œofficiallyโ€ grown up! Thankfully, Cate is not going far when she graduates from high school in three days. Iโ€™m going with her on a mission trip to Costa Rica at the end of this month. Sheโ€™ll be at home this summer and then in August move 9.4 miles away to Murray State University. 

    And Iโ€™m sure sheโ€™ll still have some questions about life โ€“ at least I hope she does. Walmart emailed me overnight about how I no longer have access to her prescription account, and that felt harsh and sudden. 

    Cate may officially be a grownup, but I hope she still tells me about her day, comes home to do laundry, and lets me feed her and her friends. Throughout the years, sheโ€™s become one of my favorite people to listen to and talk with, travel with, and discuss whatever is going on. She is wise and steady, even if younger sister Rachel gets annoyed with all our chit-chat in the front seat of the car.ย 

    Being in a family can be hard sometimes, and my girl has had a couple of hard years with our dynamic. Being the oldest comes with its own set of pressures, as I know from experience. There were also some hard friendships with mean girls and the general stress of finishing high school and taking dual-credit classes. Even so, sheโ€™s done a beautiful job being a daughter, sister, and friend. I know itโ€™s not easy to be the first-born, rule-following child, but as Cateโ€™s mom, I see all the ways she has kept the peace, helped even when she didnโ€™t want to, and steadied our family. 

    Cateโ€™s senior year has been a provision from God. Sheโ€™s been in the same small school since kindergarten, which is beautiful yet comes with its own set of challenges. To be a trailblazer isnโ€™t always comfortable, but sheโ€™s excelled with grace. This year, sheโ€™s led a young basketball team that her dad coached, earned scholarships for her strong character, and set a worthy example in almost everything she did at school, on the court, and at home. Witnessing her friendships deepen and her faith grow has been the greatest gift to me as a mom. 

    I knew I wanted to be a mom, and then we landed in the adoption world with no idea what we were doing. But Cate has been a gift since May 6, 2007. I know I didnโ€™t always do everything right, but I did everything with love for her (and our other kids) and trust that God has us. Iโ€™m so grateful for grace and mercy along the parenting journey, 

    Seeing Cate grow into who God created her to be has been a joy, and Iโ€™m excited to see what God does in her life from here. I know itโ€™ll be good! Good doesnโ€™t always mean easy, but I believe He has plans and timing greater than anything we can imagine for Cate. I pray she remembers and trusts that โ€“ and then calls me or hops in the front seat of my minivan and tells me about it all.

    Happy 18th birthday, Catherine Anna. I love you dearly. 

    *****

    Look back on her life: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Baptism. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. And read all about how God built my family & faith through adoption in my book, “Peace in the Process.”