motherhood

Tale of a teenager with a cell

May 11, 2021 by Kristin Leave a Comment

I’ve long told Cate, who turned 14 last week, she could get an old-school flip phone when she turned 16. Well, I changed my mind. After much discussion and thought, Greg and I gifted her with a Gabb Wireless phone for her birthday.

When I thought about my concerns about handing my teenage daughter a smartphone, social media is the biggest no-no. I know, ironic, I blog and post on social media. Most days, I love social media. But I’m thankful I didn’t have to navigate middle school, high school, and college with social media.

There were some reasons I wasn’t opposed to thinking about getting a phone for a teenager. I want to teach Cate phone etiquette and give her an opportunity to connect with her friends. I want to be able to contact her if I’m not with her.

All of that’s why Gabb Wireless is the right fit for us right now. Gabb sells one phone that looks like a smartphone, but there are no social media apps or games. Cate can text and call her friends, take pictures, listen to music, set an alarm, and keep a calendar. I like that she can be more connected without being tempted by lots of other options on a more expensive phone.

Cate’s review of the phone: She likes that she can text her friends even if she isn’t connected to the WiFi at home and listen to her favorite songs we loaded on using a mini SD card. She does wish the photo quality was better and would like a notes app.

We have some boundaries in place already. The phone charges in the kitchen, is turned off at night, and isn’t really out when friends are over. Of course, my girl also has been reminded having a phone of any kind is a privilege and not a right.

Meanwhile, I’m constantly re-learning how parenting is full of seasons that require new decisions and adjustments. Having an age requirement to have a phone, even a basic phone, isn’t as important as knowing the child and having witnessed responsibility and good decision making. So, here I am ready to see where motherhood takes me next.

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This isn’t a sponsored post and nobody asked me to share my opinions on this product. This is just one mom to others about what is working for us. Of course, if you like the idea of a Gabb Wireless, I can save you $30 when you purchase the phone. Just use 2702936829 as the promo code at check out.

3 Ways to Boost Our Kids’ Confidence

February 25, 2021 by Kristin Leave a Comment

Perhaps one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child is teaching them to be confident. Of course, there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. For instance, teaching children to make justifications or excuses for every mistake will certainly leave them able to defend their pride quite readily but unable to truly connect with others as part of a team.

I often think: I want to raise kids who love Jesus and take responsibility. For me, that seems like a great combination for confidence too.

As much as I wish I could teach my kids all of life’s lessons one afternoon, that’s not reality. Parenting and teaching is a marathon with lessons coming in small doses over long periods of actually living.

Let’s consider then, how healthily boosting a child’s confidence can be achieved, what that even means, and how this can help your child grow up believing in themselves but also humble enough to know where they could improve. (Yeah, at 41 years old, I am still learning right alongside my kids.

Positive Encouragement

Positive encouragement is essential when caring for our children. We must make sure they feel as if we’re noticing their efforts, such as sharing toys with a sibling, taking turns, or even trying to unload the dishwasher. Of course, it’s also nice to compliment our children and help them feel good about their behavior. I know, it’s hard sometimes, especially with my personality that naturally seems all the room for possible improvement! I do want to praise my kids in our everyday moments because I know it’s valuable.

Socialization

Socialization is an essential part of making sure your child develops healthily. They can often get this from the best childcare services and schools – those that understand how children work in a social environment, how positive cues can increase their confidence, and how exposure to other children can help them develop healthy life skills.

I’m grateful my kids’ school believes in teaching more than academics and aims to equip students to grow into Christ-following people. Yes, sometimes involving other people in our lives means we have to manage conflict, especially with other kids are who also learning. Socialization is so valuable even the hard parts are worth it.

Discipline & Reward

Discipline and reward go together quite nicely when we make use of it. (Yes, more than 13 years into parenting, and I still have to remind myself to be consistent!)

We use a marble jar for two of our kids. They earn marbles for completing daily tasks and chores, such as getting ready in the morning, cleaning their rooms, unloading the dishwasher, being kind to their siblings, and not complaining about dinner. Of course, they may also lose marbles for not completing tasks or behaving as expected. They can cash their marbles in for treats, extra screen time, or the freedom to choose dinner. This teaches them the foundational aspects of responsibility and reminds them of what they can achieve.

How have you seen a child’s confidence boosted?

Creating Family Unity

January 4, 2021 by Kristin Leave a Comment

Our homes are supposed to be a place of refuge and comfort from outside forces, but sometimes it can seem like that takes a lot of effort. Helping to create a sense of unity and safety can help the atmosphere of your home be peaceful and loving instead of contentious – even with all the personalities in play at the same moment. Here are some ways you help make your house a home where all family members feel valued and important.

Commitment

It is important family members feel secure in their pace in the family and committed to helping others as well. Many times people will adopt an “everyone for themselves” mentality and that can chip away at the foundation of a family. Family members should be committed and loyal to other members of the family in helping them become their best selves and supporting them in their lives. For us, that has meant conversations about understanding one another’s love languages and personalities.

We strive to be committed to supporting each member’s emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. If we make this a top priority and goal for ourselves, other people will start to take the cues and adopt the behavior as well. Truthfully, while this prolonged season of social distancing has certain come with adjustments, it’s almost helped deepen our commitments to our family.

Compassion

We also need to act with compassion in our homes. Greg and I believe if compassion starts in our home, it will overflow into our other social circles and even among strangers in our ordinary lives. I’ve certainly been guilty of being the worst version of myself toward the people closest to me, but that ultimately threatens to harm the most important relationships in our lives. Unkind words, angry outbursts, pettiness, and jealousy can all sow deep seeds of distrust and unhappiness in our homes. As a mom, I’ve had to grow in this area along with my kids. I’m thankful for the grace that abounds when we mess up and as well learn together.

Greg and I want to teach our kids to genuinely caring about the struggles, difficulties, and fears each of us face. Allowing space for their sadness, even when we may not understand it, and celebrating victories with them is equally important to create a compassionate environment.

Communication

We need to be able to communicate effectively with our family members to build a sense of unity and deepen our relationships. As parents, we take on the responsibility for this. One way Greg and I have improved our communication is by having a shared Google Calendar. Knowing what’s happening logistically in our day-to-day lives at work and home helps foster even more conversations to keep us on the same page. We need to be informed about the communication they have with others. You can go to this blog article to read more about doing that.

We also need to focus on the communication that is happening in our homes with each other. With different personalities and preferences, we each have our own communication styles too. Good communication requires active listening. Listening to understand instead of to respond, asking for clarification, and offering support are all important to help someone be heard. We need to put down defensiveness and really try to understand someone if there is a disagreement instead of focusing on being understood.

Compromise

There will always be disagreements in any relationship, and family relationships are no exception. Healthy and unified families are always striving toward the best possible outcome for the family unit, and sometimes that will mean that individuals don’t get everything they were hoping to get. And usually that means making adjustments as seasons change, kids grow, and life happens.

Negotiation is healthy and should be encouraged. Considering the hopes and schedules of other family members will help them to feel loved and understood. When we compromise on some issues and take turns, we get what we want sometimes too and the family grows together. There needs to be a balance between striving to get what we want and supporting the other members of the family in their pursuits and desires.

Traditions

A great way to support family unity is through the use of family time and traditions. Embracing yearly traditions or weekly family time will allow family members to get to know each other and to build a relationship that will benefit everyone involved.

We have different traditions for birthdays, holidays, and ordinary days. None of them are elaborate, but they all anchor us to our place in this family and in our larger community of friends. Again, the Google Calendar helps Greg and I communicate about plans we want to make sure happen and don’t get lost in the busyness of life with kids and responsibilities.

Game Nights are some of our family times, and we often rotate who chooses which game we play next. This helps everyone feel included and get a chance to pick their favorite game. While we play games, we learn about each other, compete in good fun, and make memories.

(Here are many of our favorite games, if you need some recommendations.)

Christ

We can do all kinds of things to create a sense of unity and peace in our homes, but ultimately Christ is the center anchor of all this. When all members of the family are focused on drawing closer to Christ and living out our beliefs rooted in faith, we will automatically draw closer to each other as well.

We haven’t been to church since March, but we’ve been having home church in our living room. While it’s been different and involved adjustments on everyone’s part, the time we set aside on Sunday mornings has helped us learn more about Christ and each other. We’ve gotten to share in something Greg and I value in a new way together and God’s been faithful to meet us when we gather on the couches together, often in our pajamas.