When a family is preparing to adopt and bringing a baby or child home, you may hear much about it. There’s such anticipation and preparation. Perhaps you’ve given money to an adoption fundraiser or prayed for people waiting and working through a pile of paperwork.
We brought home three kids through three separate private adoption processes. Now those babies are 14, nearly 12, and 6. We don’t talk as much about adoption in our everyday conversations.
But we still talk about it.
A dear friend who adopted kids and has worked with families in the midst of trauma advised me: If you can’t remember the last time you talked about adoption, you should talk about it. That really made sense to me and I’ve carried that truth into this season of parenting that is less about how they came to be Taylors and more about what it means to be Taylors.
Rachel is the age Cate was when she met her birth mom for the first time. Rachel had multiple coffee and lunch dates with her birth mom and me in the months after she was born. She may not remember but I do. Ben hasn’t met his birth mom, but we’ve told him more and more details as he’s gotten older. He expresses less interest but wonders more about what ifs. Cate is very matter of fact about it all. Rachel is still asking lots of questions.
While their adoption stories have similarities, they also are as unique as their personalities. Adoption has common themes regardless of the details, but each story comes with its own highs and lows. And that’s okay.
We have a community of other families created through adoption, so, thankfully, it’s not weird for my kids to know others know how God built our family. These stories are our testimony of God’s faithfulness. While some details are private, we never wanted to hoard the celebration of God making ways through the wilderness.
In Rachel’s kindergarten class, four of the fourteen kids were adopted. One of Cate’s closest friends has two brothers who were adopted. Her health teacher knew she might not have as much medical history as her classmates. When Ben was a kindergartner, I got to be friends with a classmate’s mom because we were both adding to our families through adoption and our families still share life together.
These ties and others that bind are strong and valuable — and that’s one of the reasons we will always talk about adoption.
I’ve written much more about bringing these babies home in my book, “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family,” which is available on Amazon or from me directly. I also have some free goodies, including a sample chapter and lists of resources, available on my website.