Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

Reflections on living & dying

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I knew I wanted to gather some old friends to celebrate my 40th birthday. Four dear friends (and three of their husbands and kids) joined my family at my lake house for the first weekend of May. They brought gifts, memories, and all the food we needed to feed our party of 23 people.

Jaclyn, Sarah, Katie, and Bekah hadn’t all met before, but I have histories with them that span decades, literally. Some of our stories have overlapped, but I knew this was the right group of people to gather together.

Starting in 1990, Katie was my next-door-neighbor-turned-best-friend for all of middle and high school and we remain friends across the state who wish we were neighbors. Bekah and I also were friends in middle and high school. We swam together, she introduced me to country music, and we continue to gather at Christmastime and other times we have extra time when we’re visiting my mom in Louisville. (Fun side note: I encouraged her and her now-husband to date, so they blame me and thank me in the same breath. I’ve actually known her husband Barrett longer than anyone who was at my lake house that weekend!)

Jaclyn and I met in college and had intersecting friends starting in the fall of 1998. We actually got closer after college, got married the same summer, walked through infertility and all the early days of motherhood literally together, and now miss each other if we go too many days without hanging out. Our husbands and kids are tight too. Sarah walked into our church in May 2009, pregnant with Davey who would become my Ben’s first friend, and we’ve basically been friends since. She’s since moved four hours away, but we have an ongoing, never-ending text conversation that brings me so much joy.

Jaclyn and Katie put together a book of blessings and memories from all kinds of people in my life. Jaclyn gave me other goodies and helped organize the whole weekend. Sarah gave me a felt letter board with a sweet message already displayed. (The quote is a reference from a book about friendship by Melanie Shankle that Jaclyn, Sarah, and I like to quote to each other.) Katie made me a T-shaped shelf that’s already hanging on my wall. Bekah bought my dinner when us girls went out for Mexican food one of the night’s together.

Our boys fished and caught enough bluegill and catfish to feed us lunch on Sunday. The older girls made friendship bracelets, had a sleepover in the basement one night, and helped us keep track of the little girls. We went on some boat rides, laughed at memories, told back stories, and ate well.

My soul was so filled with these
new memories with old friends.

The celebrating continued on Monday when some of my friends I know from my kids’ school gathered for breakfast together. It was such a sweet way to begin the new week celebrating some more. Forty certainly had me reflective and craving all the quality time with people I love.

I wanted to celebrate with my people, but God knew I would need to be filled to the brim with love and support as the week continued. God saw beyond my 40th birthday.

My dad went into cardiac arrest the evening of May 7 – four days after I turned 40, one day after Cate turned 12, and five days before Mother’s Day. He passed away about 35 hours later, on Thursday, May 9. (Here’s his obituary.)

He had been without oxygen three different times – for an undetermined amount of time when he went into cardiac arrest, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, and again in the emergency room. His body never recovered and I watched him stop breathing while hooked to a ventilator and lots of medicines in an Indianapolis hospital.

I haven’t written much about my dad here because our relationship was complicated. For years, I’ve grieved not having the kind of relationship I wish we had. My dad and how I’ve long longed for his approval and attention were the subjects of conversations in counseling. I’d forgiven him and tried to share my life with him, even from a distance.

Regardless of the complications, he was my dad. Right after I was filled from my birthday, I found myself unexpectedly grieving. As Dad was unresponsive in the hospital bed, I learned things about his life in Indianapolis I didn’t know. Even my grief has been complicated and in the days since his death, I’ve found myself beneath a cloud of emotions.

With three kids, the end of the school year, and my everyday life here, I have been able to step out from beneath the cloud, but then when I’m not distracted anymore, it’s still there. Grief is tricky. And I’m so grateful I was filled to the brim with love and support before I had to begin to navigate my dad’s death.

I have questions I wish I could ask him. I want to hold onto hope for a little longer. I remember him as an innovative educator who created an environment at an elementary school for most of my childhood and then a middle school just a little farther down the road that teachers, parents, and students loved. He excelled in his profession.

Three of the friends who gathered at my lake house knew my dad. We had actually talked about some childhood memories involving him just days before he died. Looking back even a couple of weeks, God was preparing me. I didn’t realize it then, obviously, but, for as unexpected as the timing was, I also found comfort in his death being sandwiched between so much life.

Five Things I Learned in February

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It’s Leap Day – like a whole bonus day in our year. And it’s Monday, which does leave me wishing we got an extra weekend day. But, you know, I’m always wishing for more time, so I’ll take what I can get!

Speaking of weekends, as a stay-at-home mom who does some freelance work on the side, I’m always surprised with how glad I am for Friday to get here. I thrive on routine, but I’ve really been loving the other days – the ones that break from the usual. So even though I spend quite a bit of time at home during the week, I really love the weekends when all my people are here and our lives don’t revolve around school and work calendars.

1. Spontaneity is good for my Type A soul.

Our best friends had four free extra passes to Winter Jam in Nashville (two hours from our house) and offered them to us the day before the concert. We decided to go, meaning we drove two hours after school for a five-hour concert, and then two hours home. We got home at 1:30 am, and thankfully all three kids slept nearly the whole way home, but they were all up past their bedtimes. Ben did take a nap in an awkward position in his chair while musicians and speakers blared throughout the arena.

I’m so glad we went. The road trip was good for my soul and connection with my husband. (We have some of our best talks in the car!) And we got to hear Lauren Daigle, Sidewalk Prophets, Matthew West, Crowder, and For King & Country (and some bands I cared much less about).

2. Sometimes two books have a message so intertwined you know you were meant to read them at the same time.

That’s how it was with “The Gift of Friendship: Stories That Celebrate the Beauty of Shared Moments” and “Better Together: Because You’re Not Meant to Mom Alone.” They’re different books with a similar message of we aren’t meant to do life alone because we really are better – stronger, kinder, wiser, funnier – together.

In “The Gift of Friendship,” Dawn Camp has compiled stories from different writers that celebrate and encourage real-life friends. Jill Savage and her daughter Anne McClane offer practical advice and inspiration for moms in “Better Together.” Friendship requires vulnerability and books like these are good companions for the journey.

{Here’s a real-life story on friendship from my own life. And here’s some mom confessions inspired by a theme from “Better Together” with information on how to get free resources if you order the book before it releases tomorrow.}

3. Colleen Coble is an author I like.

I bought one of her books – “Tidewater Inn”  – when the Kindle version was really cheap several months ago. I needed something recently to keep me company on the treadmill so I started it and was hooked. I immediately continued to the second book in the series and then the third. Turns out, Coble has written tons of books, so that’s good for me.

{Here’s the Hope Beach series I’ve devoured :: Tidewater Inn // Rosemary Cottage // Seagrass Pier}

They’ve been an entertaining combination of romance and suspense set on an island that makes me want to go to the Outer Banks. Plus the characters are likeable and it’s fun to see their stories intertwine. Once I finish “Seagrass Pier,” I’m likely to read the other few series she’s written.

4. RSV is vicious.

I’ve never had a baby get RSV … until last week. Third baby is a charm, apparently. Of course, the other two coughed and had low-grade fevers, but RSV didn’t keep them down like it did Rachel. I knew she was sick when she went a couple days without really smiling. {See an Instagram post about that.} It was sad to have her coughing and lethargic, but I did enjoy the extra snuggles with my baby girl who seems so big some days.

5. I’m having fun planning and designing a new monthly newsletter.

And by new, I mean, one that never existed from me to you!

I’ve been messing around with MailChimp, and I’m excited to launch my monthly newsletter on March 1 {TOMORROW!}. And if you subscribe to my newsletter and posts, you’ll get a FREE #choosingJOY printable.

I have other plans for my email friends – who are likely to receive other free gifts and be among the first to hear news, like when I finally get around to updating my ebook (hello, third child).

I’m grateful for those of you who already let me into your inbox! {The rest of you can subscribe here.}

Happy Leap Day! How was your February?

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I’m linking up with Emily Freeman, like I do at the end of every month. 

{2013} June. July. August. September. October. November. 
{2014} January. February. March. April. May. June. 


Want more insights? Subscribe to get new posts in your inbox and a monthly newsletter with content not available on the blog. When you subscribe, I’ll send you a FREE #choosingJOY printable. 

 “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family” is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, or follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin’.

Friendship is a gift because we are better together

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“I’m putting out a call to be brave. To embrace the sweetness and the depth of real friendship. To hold ourselves to a higher standard than silence. To become the kind of friend we pray our daughters have. This kind of friendship isn’t easy. It’s hard and messy and can come with real heartache. But it can also come with richness and love and someone to really do life with too, and it is so worth it.”

{Anna Rendell in “Gift of Friendship”}

As soon as I read the paragraph, I snapped a picture and texted it to a friend.

It’s true, friendship is brave. {Tweet that.}

It’s where we let people in – to our sometimes messy houses and lives. It’s where we walk into other people’s stuff – which isn’t put away in a tidy closet. It’s when we make time for each other and choose to do life together. And, along the way, sometimes friendships hit bumps we don’t expect.

That paragraph reminded me a friend I met when Cate was 4 months old, just as I was becoming a stay-at-home mom. We quickly clicked and started hanging out even when our moms group wasn’t meeting. We lunched together, spent hours preparing meals for our freezers, went to the pool and one another’s houses, and celebrated birthdays and holidays.

And then our kids went to school and getting together became harder logistically. Our schedules were very different. I had one in school and one in preschool who was with me the majority of the time. She was homeschooling two.

We still touched base in texts and visits, but those became fewer as we settled into this new season that revolved around the school calendar. More than once, I cried about missing her, even though she only lived a few miles away. Sure, we said we missed each other, but we didn’t let our actions reflect those words.

And then we did.

We decided it’s worth saying: You matter. Even if getting together requires thinking outside the box. Even when seasons change and calendars are crowded.

Earlier this year, she reached out in an email. She told me about where her heart was. At the same time, Facebook was showing me near-daily memories of when we used to spend multiple times a week together with our babies who turned into toddlers who turned into these big kids.

We talked about what had changed and discussed ways to reclaim some of what was lost.

Her birthday was soon after this conversation, so I reached out. “What day could I bring you lunch from your choice of a restaurant?” I asked in a text. We settled on a date, and then I took her lunch, my lunch, and my baby to her house. We sat in the living room sharing a meal and once again sharing our lives while her kids worked independently on school. Turns out, our daughters are actually using the same math book.

What do multiplication, measurement, and division have to do with friendship? Well, as her daughter worked on that day’s lesson, I realized mine would be doing it soon. In other words: For as much as things changed, there’s still plenty of shared ground on which to keeping building our friendship.

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“The Gift of Friendship: Stories That Celebrate the Beauty of Shared Moments” is of full stories by different writers that prompted me to reminisce on moments I’ve shared with my own friends. Community is worth celebrating and that’s what this book does beautifully. There are stories of heartache redeemed, surprise friendships, and everyday community that reinforced my belief we really are better together.

In addition to Anna Rendell’s timely essay, editor Dawn Camp has compiled stories from Holley Gerth, Jennifer Dukes Lee, Jennifer Turner, Mary Carver, Lisa-Jo Baker, Liz Curtis Higgins, Crystal Paine, and many others.

This beautiful 224-page hardback book officially releases today and is available on Amazon and most anywhere else you like to buy books.

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I’ve also recently read “Better Together: Because You Aren’t Meant to Mom Alone” by Jill Savage with her daughter Anne McClane. This book offers practical, encouraging insights to why having a tribe of moms to share life with is healthy and helpful.

“Better Together” doesn’t officially release until March 1, but it’s the kind of book every new mom should have and one that helps those of us who have been here awhile too. There are ideas for co-ops, encouragement if you’re facing hard times in friendship, an informative Mothering Personality Inventory that may explain some of why you mother the way you do, and Biblical truths of what friendship matters in our everyday life and our faith journeys.

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And there’s a giveaway! 

One of you will win a hardback copy of “The Gift of Friendship: Stories That Celebrate the Beauty of Shared Moments,” thanks to publisher Revell Books. This giveaway is open to U.S. residents through Monday, March 28 and a winner will be randomly selected on March 29. Use the Rafflecopter below for various ways to enter.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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I received free copy of “Gift of Friendship” and an advanced PDF version of “Better Together” to review in exchange for helping promote them. These opinions are my own and I’m thinking it’s likely I’ll mention both books around here again. Revell Books also gave me a free copy of “Gift of Friendship” to share with one of you.

 Want more insights? “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family” is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin’, or subscribe to receive “Insights in Your Inbox.”