Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

Becoming is living

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I’ve had a lot of feelings this year, and many of them have been hard to handle internally. I also have experienced deeper awareness of myself, husband, kids, dearest friends, and even a larger circle of friends — who we are individually and how we best fit together. In August, I started going to counseling again, probably several months later than I should have.

The year started with a conflict, involved many decisions about how to spend my time, and was marked by grief when my dad died and then when I had to shift some commitments and thinking in my life. I felt most myself in November, and I’m thankful for that after so many months of thinking and deciding and wrestling — most of those actions taking place in my own head. I’m grateful my very loud inner critic has quieted some and I’m more secure in who God made me to be.

When I chose faithful as my focus this year, I had some ideas of what that meant, but, of course, God went and created a whole new thing with it. He shifted and shaped me. He provided for me in ways I didn’t necessarily know I needed. He was faithful, even when I struggled to grieve during my favorite summer season and felt Him making me new when nature was dying for the winter.

Two years ago, I focused on how Jesus is my rescue. Then I learned more about living that out faithfully. Now it’s time to focus more on becoming more like Christ, which right now for me looks like …

… becoming more of who God made me to be.
… becoming more patient and kind.
… becoming more free from the irrational feelings and expectations that can hinder me.
… becoming more restful and peaceful.

I keep saying becoming more, but with that I really mean less. This world yells do more, build a bigger audience, and be you to everyone. I want to quiet the demands, serve faithfully where God has me, and be me knowing my capacity is smaller than I sometimes wish it was. So, yes, more God, but less of most everything else.

Becoming is about transformation. It’s an ongoing series of actions and decisions that come from a foundation established long ago. Becoming is living.

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Of course, I’ve put together a soundtrack for this season {BECOMING 2020}. And let’s revisit soundtracks from other years: RESCUE 2018. FAITHFUL 2019.

Here are some additional resources that have encouraged me to get where I am on this journey to becoming:

Our Father’s Faithfulness {and Rachel @ 9 months}

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When I looked at the calendar and saw Rachel would be 9 months on Father’s Day, I invited Greg to the blog to share about fatherhood and our youngest daughter. If you’d like a peek into his life as a dad these past nine years, feel free to watch the video I made him. I’m grateful for Greg’s word here today, and, more importantly, the way he loves and serves our family. There’s nobody else I’d want to have beside me on this adventure!

Every year when Father’s Day rolls around, I am reminded that our God is faithful. It’s a time for me to look back and reflect on His goodness and grace in my life. I am so undeserving, and yet He has blessed me with three small souls to love and lead.

In looking back, I can tell you that He uses my children to change me daily. The Holy Spirit convicts me of my own shortcomings through the questions and conversations had with my two older inquisitive children. As we live life with them, I hope that they can hear and see the reality of God’s grace through my attitudes and actions.

My own father passed away in 2010, and I can tell you that I learned how to follow God by watching him. He followed God with his whole heart and was the example for me and my brothers on how to lead our families.

Hopefully, Kristin and I have learned a few things about parenting over the first 9-plus years with Cate and then 6 ½ years with Ben. Mostly, I think we’ve learned that the children need to see Kristin and I mess up, and see what it means to ask for and receive forgiveness from each other and God.

This year, in reflecting on Father’s Day, it is amazing to think about how last April, we had no idea that Rachel was even on the horizon. We had felt the Lord calling us to adopt again back in 2012 and looked into several options, but never had the right situation.

Kristin and I were disappointed and frustrated, but eventually we just realized that we had already been amazingly blessed by the Lord to have our 2 children. And so we mostly gave up our hope of adopting a third child. Our hearts were still pulled toward adopting a third child, but we finally had the grateful perspective that we needed. We learned a bit about being content in any situation and then, when we least expected it, we got a phone call from Rachel’s birth mom.

Rachel was born last September, and she been such an amazingly sweet addition to our family. Ben and Cate were immediately taken with their new sister, and she has responded in kind. Rachel has an engaging smile that she flashes to almost everyone.

At 9 months, she now gets around by crawling and she loves to grab, touch and taste everything she comes in contact with. We are so blessed to have her with us. We probably are a lot more laid back with her than we were with Cate, but hey, now we have a 9-year-old and 6-year-old to help us with little things around the house.

And the best part is that Rachel has two older siblings to look up to and learn from. I love watching her interact with them every day. So on this Father’s Day, I am going to reflect on the goodness of our Heavenly Father and rejoice in His provision in my life. I pray you can do the same.

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Other monthly update notes from momma :: This girl is fun. She’s into everything and curious about all the details in her world. I forgot how exhausting this phase can be, but it’s fun to watch her discover. Speaking of discovering, she loves the pool. Good thing because my big kids and I prefer to spend our afternoons there. Funny thing, she still doesn’t like her baths.

She’s crawling at fast speeds, pulling up quickly and thinking about letting go, and climbing the steps. She still loves to eat whatever and whenever we are eating and is taking {very} small drinks from her sippy cups. She takes usually four 8-ounce bottles a day, although I can tell she’s cutting back. Oh and she’s wearing 12-month clothes, except pajamas, shorts and bathing suits, which she requires 18-month size, but each day I had another garment to the pile of stuff she’s outgrown. Girl is growing, obviously.

 Look back on Rachel’s growth :: One month. Two months. Three months. Four months. Five months. Six months. Seven months. Eight months.

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Motherhood is hard. Let’s celebrate anyway.

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Holding her month-old daughter, a dear friend recently said to me: Why doesn’t anybody talk about how hard motherhood is?

We both became moms through adoption. We didn’t birth babies, but we walked through our own (sometimes hard) stories to arrive at hospitals to meet the babies we would love instantly. We didn’t recover physically from births, but we still had to adjust to new seasons – seasons that involved less sleep.

I told her that her baby would eventually sleep through the night. They’d find a routine that works for them – and then it would probably change – but they’d settle in a rhythm.

That’s what moms do, find rhythms and go with it.

My friend asked for some books that would help the transition into motherhood. I immediately thought of several parenting books. And then I thought of some books that encouraged me to let go of guilt and the try-harder, do-more mentality that contradicts what Jesus did on the cross. Those truths apply well beyond motherhood, but it’s in motherhood I’m personally being sanctified.

In celebration of my friend and mommas everywhere, I started compiling a list of books. Oh, and, I ended up ordering her three of them and having them shipped directly to her doorstep because that’s what moms need.

Moms need you to show up with dinner. They need necessities – toilet paper, diapers, snacks, and books – to show up on their doorsteps. They need to be reminded it’s okay to be so incredibly grateful for the tiny person in their arms but so very tired from the lack of sleep at the same time.

Motherhood is hard. So let’s celebrate moms in ways that make life easier for them. {Tweet that.}

I know, Mother’s Day is in a few days. But I’m just getting around to putting together this post because motherhood takes time. Maybe there’s a mom in your life – your mom, your neighbor, your friend, the one you just met – who needs to be encouraged with a gift. The gifts obviously don’t have to come on Mother’s Day, because moms don’t really get to take days off.

Regardless, here’s some gift ideas (books included) that you could have delivered electronically or a few days late. These are the kind of gifts that say, “Look, I know this mothering business is hard, but you’re doing a good job. Here, have this, it’ll make your life a little easier.”

Boxed – I just placed a big order from Boxed that will be delivered to my doorstep. The enormous boxes will contain snacks, diapers, baby formula, dishwasher detergent, and laundry detergent. If you use the code 28SI6 when you sign up for Boxed, you’ll save $10 on your first order. And then maybe you can make a mom you love really happy when essentials don’t require a run to Walmart. Because, really, that’s not what any mom want to do.

Amazon – Gifts cards for Amazon are welcomed because, hello, Prime Pantry and, again, the household supplies and groceries delivered to the doorstep. (That’s assuming the momma you love is a Prime member. But, if not, maybe you should sign her up!)

The Books –

(Did you know you can gift ebooks? See, you wouldn’t even be late with the Mother’s Day gift this way!)

Other ideas – gift certificates for cleaning or massages, subscription to those services that provide ingredients for meals and recipes, and time to rest.

What would you add to the list?

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