I’m a pro at fake-resting.

Sure, I sit down sometimes, but I have my calendar, mental to-do list, and phone near me. Maybe I’m folding laundry or making a grocery list. I pretty much always have thoughts racing through my mind – dinner plans, items I need to put away when I get up and walk through the living room, and conversations I want to have.

I hear people say they are bored and I honestly can’t remember being bored. I can always find something to do – chores are constant, hobbies wait for my attention, and plans can be made for people. I do like to sleep at night. I used to struggle to turn my mind off, and some nights still do, but as I loosen my grip on details, I rest easier.

But I don’t like naps. Probably because I’m a fake-resting pro.

The notion of fake-resting is something that has been on my mind since I read Shauna Niequist’s “Present Over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic For a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living.” This book spoke so much truth and encouragement into my life. I love when a book comes alongside what’s already happening in life and affirms what God is already saying.

“It looks like I’m resting, too. But I’m not. I’m ticking down an endless list, sometimes written, always mental, getting things back into their right spots, changing the laundry, wiping down the countertops. … I fake-rested instead of real-rested, and then I found that I was real-tired.”

{Shauna Niequist in “Present Over Perfect”}

I continually have to lay down the idol of productivity. I have to remember everything doesn’t have to be done before noon on Monday. I have to let go of expectations and plans. I have to leave room for life to unfold, conversations to happen, and opportunities to arise. And I have to listen to the right voices when this world is so noisy.

In her book, Shauna Niequist asked some questions that spoke right into the center of my productivity-worshiping, perfectionist-recovering ways:

“Who wins, then? I handled it all! I showed them! But who is ‘them’? Who cares? Whose voice am I listening to? What am I trying to prove? What would happen, what would be lost, if I stopped, or if I slowed down to a pace that felt less like a high-speed chase all day, every day?”

A jam-packed schedule may allow me to be more productive, but it also makes me restless and irritable. {Tweet that.} I crave white space. Sometimes I fill it and sometimes I sit in the recliner while Rachel finishes her nap.

This past week I spent some time organizing the stuff that has been sitting on our deck for the past ELEVEN WEEKS waiting for its home in the garage that is being remodeled. I put summer toys in a bin, sorted trash and tools, and wiped down dirty outdoor doors. Then when I was finished my agenda was clear. So I sat in the porch swing. I made faces at Rachel. I took pictures of my kids in my hammock they like to claim. I rested my eyes. I lost track of time.

And I rested my soul. Real rested.

Each day is different. Some days involve more work, but some days give way to rest. I’m learning more and more that both are necessary to my well-being and those closest to me.

*****

I’m sharing about “Present Over Perfect” because it’s been exactly what I needed to hear. Nobody asked me review it or share it. But I do highly recommend it. And you’re likely to hear more about it here.