• Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.

    I saw lots of writers post about this brightly colored book: “Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.: 10 Questions to Take Your Friendships to the Next Level” by Laura Tremaine. I didn’t order it right away because, honestly, I just wasn’t sure if I needed a self-help book on connecting with people more deeply. I’ve been limiting my non-fiction consumption because I really don’t want a lot of bossy voices in my head.

    Well, I ended up ordering the Kindle version of this book on the last day preorders were available because I was totally intrigued by two of the bonuses, which, more honesty, I don’t usually care about. I wanted the downloadable journaling prompts (which are taken directly from the book but provided space to process more deeply) and The Secret Tapes, which are podcast episodes where the author talks with friends and family she wrote about in the book.

    Goodness, I’m glad I got this book. I read it in two days, journaled about nine of the ten questions as I read the book, plan to journal more, and recommended the book to two my best friends and my counselor. In fact, I shared some of my journals and thoughts with my counselor.

    This book is part memoir and part guidebook. Laura Tremaine is a good storyteller, but she’s not just a storyteller. She uses her experiences and vulnerability to empower people to share their stuff. She goes first, asks the hard questions, and ushered me into deeper thinking about my own childhood, friendships throughout different seasons, and decisions that changed the trajectory of my life.

    About the book

    “Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.” is the invitation you’ve been waiting for to show up – even maybe you didn’t know it! In spite of the hyper-connected culture we live in today, women still feel shamed for oversharing and being publicly vulnerable. And no matter how many friends we seem to have, many of us are still desperately lonely.

    Openness and vulnerability are the foundation for human growth and healthy relationships, and it all starts when we share our stuff, the nitty-gritty daily details about ourselves with others. Laura has led the way in her personal life with her popular blog and podcast and now gives you the tools to build and deepen the conversations happening in your life.

    Laura’s stories about her childhood in Oklahoma, her complicated shifts in faith and friendships, and her marriage to a Hollywood movie director will prompt you to identify the beautiful narrative and pivotal milestones of your own life. Each chapter offers intriguing and reflective questions that will reveal unique details and stories you’ve never thought to tell and will guide you into cultivating the authentic connection with others that only comes from sharing yourself.

    “Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.” is a 224-page hardcover book published by Zondervan (Feb. 2, 2021).

    About the author

    Laura Tremaine grew up in small town Oklahoma and moved to Los Angeles sight unseen when she was twenty-two years old. She worked in film and television production for many years at MTV, VH1, Fox, and Paramount Pictures, before pursuing writing full time.

    Laura has been sharing her life online for ten years. She writes about friendship, anxiety, motherhood, and marriage. Her blog posts and podcast episodes resonate with women looking for ways to connect more deeply with others as they transform from one era of life into another. Laura lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their two children.

    *****

    Nobody told me to share this book with y’all, I just can’t help it. It’s so good. I paid for the Kindle version of this book with my own money.

  • Hospitality matters in October

    Hello, friends! And hello, fall! My new book “Bringing Home More Than Groceries: Stories About Gathering & Nourishing People” is divided by seasons, so I wanted to start this new season with an excerpt. This also kicks off a monthly series about why hospitality matters in every season. Stay tuned for fun giveaways, practical tips, and free resources!

    *****

    Hospitality makes others feel at home when it happens in the midst of real life. - Kristin Hill Taylor, Bringing Home More Than Groceries #morethangroceries

    Katie moved next door to me in October of 1990 and my life hasn’t been the same since. She befriended the school principal’s daughter and I was happy to have a new kid in the neighborhood. We didn’t realize we were building a lifelong friendship. At the time, we ate Circus Peanuts, drank Dr Pepper, joked about fruitcake, and consumed more than our share of Hometown Pizza and Dairy Queen Blizzards.

    When we met, she was 10 and I was 11. Now we’re grown-ups who do frequent grocery shopping for our own families at two Kroger stores that are too far away from each other.

    One time Katie sent me a card—yes, we sometimes still use the Postal Service to communicate—that says, “Sometimes I’ll think about something you said, and I’ll laugh, and then other people choosing tomatoes at the grocery store will wonder what’s so funny about that tomato. (Open card.) You’re good for me.” And I laughed. Out loud. More than once. That’s how we are. We really are good for each other and nobody thinks I’m funnier than Katie does.

    Strangely but sweetly enough, my husband is distantly related to Katie, thanks to their common roots in a very small western Kentucky town. He once described us once as friends who make each other laugh at things nobody else would think are funny. We have inside jokes that drag on for decades, sometimes to the point we don’t remember their origin or point. But we still laugh. And even though we haven’t lived in the same town for more than half our friendship, I still know she’d rather have a short grocery list with so few items she can carry them all with a handheld basket, certainly without a cart. Just picturing her juggling a carton of orange juice, a gallon of milk, and cartons of ice cream makes me laugh.

    In the fifteen months I was a mom before she was, I told her more than once how when she had a child, juggling these items wouldn’t be possible—regardless of how strong and crafty she was. That baby probably will weigh about eight pounds from the beginning. Add in the weight of the baby carrier moms inevitably have to carry into the store because their babies fall asleep on the shortest of drives. And, well, the orange juice and ice cream just have to find a home in the cart.

    She learned, like all us moms do about something. She now mothers two boys and manages to keep them fed.

    Through all the seasons, Katie has been in my life, even if many miles have separated us almost all of our adult lives. Grown-up life sure has its obstacles but they’re easier to navigate with friends by our side—wherever they live.

    Here are some simple, practical ways to stay connected and close the distance that physically separates loved ones:

    1. Use social media to spark real conversations. Conversations may happen in emails, text messages, phone calls or Facebook messages, but they go deeper than what’s happening on a public profile. Ask questions, swap stories, or continue previous conversations on a personal level. Maintaining long-distance friendships is certainly aided greatly by technology, but you still have to make an investment.
    2. Send care packages and real mail. Yes, do it for birthdays or other special dates. But also do it just because.
    3. Invite them over. Long-distance friends may not be conveniently located in your same town, but you can still invite them over. Get dates on the calendar and make plans. Another Katie in my life has become a faithful summer visitor to our house. In the winter, we make summer plans by setting aside a weekend for our families to spend together.
    4. Be willing to go see them. When we go on a road trip, often prompted by a particular event, I try to schedule dates with other friends who live in that area. It doesn’t mean I can always see everyone I hope to see, but it’s worth trying to connect over a meal.
    5. Tell your kids about these friends. My kids adore some of my out-of-town friends. So when we do get to see them, they’re just as excited as I am. And they adore the grown-up friends too when they know they’re like family.
    6. If you can’t be there physically, send something. When my father-in-law passed away unexpectedly a decade ago, some out-of-town friends journeyed to our small town to grieve our loss and celebrate his life with us. Others couldn’t be here, which is understandable, but they sent flowers, pictures frames, cards, and texts of prayers. Celebrate happier moments together across the miles too.

    Yes, I’d love to be neighbors with Katie again, but that’s not likely to happen, so we’ll cherish the time we get to sit close on the couch and then continue connecting as we can to build upon our much-valued history.

    *****

    Free resource!

    I have a pretty (and free!) printable called Hospitality For Any Season for y’all! Hospitality matters regardless of what season you’re living, so I share practical ways to open your heart and home to others.

    Download it here!

    AND THERE’S A FUN GIVEAWAY happening over on Instagram just through tomorrow (Oct. 16, 2020). Join me there to enter to win a copy of my book and “Daily Acts of Friendship” by women at The Ruth Experience.

    Of course, “Bringing Home More Than Groceries” is also available on Amazon or directly from me. To get an autographed copy directly from me, send $10 (plus $5 is shipping is needed) via PayPal to kristinhilltaylor@gmail.com and I’ll get you a copy delivered to your front porch or mailbox. Learn more about the book, read a sample chapter, and see who endorsed it.

  • Becoming still

    In the fall, fresh off a hard season of grief, I wrote down in my journal everything single thing I spent any amount of time doing: Laundry. Taxiing kids around. Paying bills. Sending emails for a local group. Volunteering here and there. Lunching with friends. Making dinner. Grocery shopping. Serving on my kids’ school board. Blogging. Social media. Reading. And, you know, the list goes on and on.

    Then I got rid of some commitments, passed along some responsibilities to other people, and lessened the priority of other things. Honestly, it hurt. I find worth in my productivity and knew that needed to stop. I was rushed too much and knew I needed to slow down.

    Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know I am God.” I’ve heard this verse often, but it’s only been as a 40-year-old woman that I’ve really started to understand it. In this verse, “still” actually means “cease striving.” Being still in the presence of God is more than just not moving; it’s actually about our mental posture and being willing to surrender our stubborn wills.

    In that season of letting go, I had to let go of some commitments I truly loved in the spirit of stillness because they were draining me and overfilling my emotional capacity. I was reminded of how sadness and joy can co-exist, how the same decision can hurt and heal.

    I started this new year saying no to some of the same things and being aware that I might have to say no again so I can have time at home, capacity to be a good wife and mom, and space to be able to see God working in me and around me.

    Then on Saturday, March 14, we started social distancing ourselves from almost everyone we usually see in hopes of avoiding the coronavirus. It’s like God took what He’d been doing slowly in my life and forced a deeper surrender. Now, a little more than a week into this unprecedented season full of so many unknowns, I’ve loved my time at home with my kids and our weekends with wide-open agendas.

    Even the things I couldn’t and wouldn’t take off my list in the fall are now basically canceled: soccer practices and games, school pick-up driving, lunching with friends, volunteering, and kids’ dentist and pediatrician appointments. I went days without looking at my calendar, which is highly unusual. Yes, my kids are doing schoolwork at home, but we still have wonderful teachers pouring into their lives from a distance. I’ve gone to the grocery a couple of times to keep our fridge and pantry stocked, but I’ve loved the time to linger in the kitchen preparing meals and playing board games when we finish eating.

    Truthfully, I’m feeling free.

    Yes, I miss my friends and was happy to roll down my window and briefly chat with a few during the assignment drop-off and pick-up at my kids’ school. I’ve gone on a walk with my best friend and hung out at her house one evening. But I’ve mostly been in soft pants – as Cate as long called them – enjoying my people and our home.

    Yes, of course, I hope we don’t get sick and sometimes have anxiety creep in when I think too hard about why we’re hunkered down at home. The first couple of days made me a little twitchy as texts, phone calls, and emailed canceled every detail of our normal lives. And, of course, the kids sometimes pick on each other and exploit their personality differences.

    But I’ve seen evidence of God working in a long-time prayer request I’ve had for our family. I’ve witnessed simple goodness that offers a refreshing perspective. I’ve been able to keep in touch with people thanks to many technology options.

    I’ve also seen evidence that when all five of us are here way more than usual, we produce a lot of trash and go through a lot of food and drinks. But we’ve also cuddled on the couch to listen to church, watch movies, and read books. For the record, in less than twenty-four hours, we watched “Freaky Friday” and “A Cinderella Story,” so just now I’m doing my part to introduce my kids to Chad Michael Murray. We previously watched all three installments of “High School Musical.” We have rotating crafts happening on our dining room table and I’m waiting on two puzzles I ordered to arrive from Amazon. Somehow the days go quickly.

    I could go for a little more sunshine so we can take more walks in the woods, wander down by the creeks, and take advantage of our country living. Regardless, we’re going to soak in the blessings that come with surrendering, slowing down, and simplifying.

    *****

    This coronavirus-inspired social distancing really goes with the word {BECOMING} God has been teaching me about this year. I’d love to hear your stories about God working in these unprecedented circumstances. Rachel has been coloring many pages in this simple but great preschooler activity book and I’ve put together a list of our favorite board games.