Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

Fostering a family commitment

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Today’s the second in this month’s Better Together Foster Care Series. Please welcome Bethany to the virtual porch today. She’s an acquaintance of mine through a high school friend of mine. We’ve connected over adoption and scrapbooking, and I have no doubt we’d have a great time hanging out in person. I’m grateful Bethany was willing to share because she has a unique story about what foster care looks like in her big family.

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Our family’s recent foster care experience started in a later part of life. My husband and I are in our 40s, have been married twenty years, and have six children and two dogs. We were done with babies and looking toward retirement – okay, maybe not yet, but definitely looking toward traveling more, dating each other more, and relaxing more!

This was our third run at foster care: I first fostered as a single young adult. After the birth of our first three children and adopting two from Ethiopia, we again fostered. That time we fostered infants of domestic adoption, keeping them a few months until they could leave the state. Around this time, we also worked with a maternity home and cared for several children independently from an agency. We were introduced to a single dad who needed help and cared for his daughter for months.

Then we had a surprise pregnancy at an “older” age and decided that was it for us! We were busy! Each child participated in multiple sports and activities. One was leaving for the military. We were in a place where most of the children were old enough to stay home alone. We had hit a sweet spot in this parenting gig.

When that youngest son was six years old, I received a random call from a friend who said, “Do you want a baby?” After a crazy whirlwind of events, a week later a little girl was dropped off to us on her first birthday in January 2019. This was supposed to be a one-month “babysitting” arrangement.

We soon learned her dad had not entered a treatment facility and it was going to be a much longer arrangement once the state became involved. We cared for her from January until September, when she officially became a foster placement. She is still in our home flourishing!

We have an amazing relationship with her paternal family and I know this is a unique scenario for a foster child, but she has been so blessed by this.

The real heroes of this journey have been my older six children. We all know that it is indeed a family commitment to foster. With my children being older (ages 7, 11, 13, 14, 16, and 18 at the time), they definitely had a say in the matter. They all agreed unanimously to bring her into our home, but it did not stop there! My youngest happily gave up his own bedroom for her. The other two brothers were happy to let little brother bunk with them! My teen girls were the first to help with baths and diaper changes. They all fought (seriously!) to fill up her cup or buckle her in the car seat. They were all okay for me to tend to her during homeschool time and would wait patiently for me to return.

My youngest son gave up his spot as the baby of the family after 6½ years! My oldest son who was 18 when she arrived played “Baby Shark” for her on his headphones and would fly her in the air until his arms were shaking! The teens had to turn down their music. I couldn’t drive the teens and their friends everywhere like I always had. We had to cancel some out of town trips because she could not leave the state for a while. One daughter had me search for a bike trailer so she could bike with her in the neighborhood. They take turns holding her in the pool and following her on the playground. And 17 months later, I’ve yet to hear a complaint!

I just stand so in awe of children and their willingness to love on and welcome new children – and even more so their reluctancy to be jealous. Notice I do not say I am in awe of MY children. I can name countless families who have fostered or adopted and all the “original” children love the opportunity to accept new children into their homes. Many times we hear from people who say they would foster but they are afraid their children would get attached. Well, I can promise they will!

I can tell our lives all been changed by this little girl, no matter how long she stays or how soon she goes. My children have blown me away with their selflessness, patience, kindness, and love during the past year. I honestly could not have taken her on without their endless help and commitment every single day. So regardless of how our journey ends this time, I know we have all benefitted from taking a call that rocked our comfortable life!

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Bethany lives in Louisville, Kentucky, with her husband of 20 years. She enjoys scrapbooking and visits to the beach.

A life with goldenrod

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I love seeing the fields of goldenrod lining our country roads. Seeing the yellow contrast the green growing to meet the blue skis is so pretty I forget goldenrod is a weed. Of course, it’s our state flower too. I saw goldenrod recently spring up from gravel and along the rocky shoreline of Kentucky Lake. The pops of yellow are sweet surprises among mud and gravel.

We’re beginning our fourth week of social distancing. We’ve left the house for curbside drop off and pick up of school assignments, although this week is actual Spring Break. And I’ve gone grocery shopping about once a week. We’ve done one drive-by birthday parade for Nana, who turned 91 last week, and have another coming up this week for our best friend turning 12.

Most days, I love being home with a clear calendar. I’ve gotten to see God do things in our family I’ve been praying about for a long time. I’ve gotten to deal with some deeply rooted things in my own soul. I’ve learned things about my kids. We figured out how to play Settlers of Catan online with our best friends. My Bible study group is continuing to talk about John on Zoom meetings. Our church small group meets, thanks to Microsoft Teams. I’ve taken long walks and talked to friends on the phone.

But some moments have been hard.

Rescheduling the mission trip to Guatemala we’d been planning for an entire year was hard. We’d be there now if it weren’t for this worldwide coronavirus epidemic. Wiping off soccer practices and games, volleyball practices, birthday parties for friends, school field trips, volunteer commitments, and family gatherings was freeing at the beginning but started cutting deeper each time. In a family of mostly extroverts, thinking about celebrating three of our birthdays in isolation together is sad. We miss our families and friends.

I realize other people are navigating many harder situations, but the reality is everyone is dealing with disappointment and adjustments of some kind. It’s okay to own the hard we’re experiencing without ranking and comparing to others.

Honestly, it’s been almost a year of weirdness for me. Right after I turned 40 in May, my dad died and the grief overwhelmed my favorite season. I finally felt more myself by the time my least favorite season was starting, and the irony was a spiritual lesson. Now we’re all in this socially distant life. Through it all, I’ve learned at least one thing: Goodness and grief co-exist. One moment can hold both. And that’s okay.

That’s where I am today. One evening I’m teary. Another morning I wake up anxious. Thankfully, we’re all healthy. I find peace when I pray and sing and reach out to friends. Getting groceries makes me anxious, but my home and all the wide-open space around it feel safe.

We aren’t in a world of either or, this or that. We are in a world of both and. It’s hard and comforting. It’s anxious and peaceful. It’s broken and beautiful. Like those pretty stalks of goldenrod that shoot up among the mud.

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This is the second post I’ve shared about our coronavirus season, which is obviously unlike any spring we’ve lived before. Here’s the first post.

Becoming still

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In the fall, fresh off a hard season of grief, I wrote down in my journal everything single thing I spent any amount of time doing: Laundry. Taxiing kids around. Paying bills. Sending emails for a local group. Volunteering here and there. Lunching with friends. Making dinner. Grocery shopping. Serving on my kids’ school board. Blogging. Social media. Reading. And, you know, the list goes on and on.

Then I got rid of some commitments, passed along some responsibilities to other people, and lessened the priority of other things. Honestly, it hurt. I find worth in my productivity and knew that needed to stop. I was rushed too much and knew I needed to slow down.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know I am God.” I’ve heard this verse often, but it’s only been as a 40-year-old woman that I’ve really started to understand it. In this verse, “still” actually means “cease striving.” Being still in the presence of God is more than just not moving; it’s actually about our mental posture and being willing to surrender our stubborn wills.

In that season of letting go, I had to let go of some commitments I truly loved in the spirit of stillness because they were draining me and overfilling my emotional capacity. I was reminded of how sadness and joy can co-exist, how the same decision can hurt and heal.

I started this new year saying no to some of the same things and being aware that I might have to say no again so I can have time at home, capacity to be a good wife and mom, and space to be able to see God working in me and around me.

Then on Saturday, March 14, we started social distancing ourselves from almost everyone we usually see in hopes of avoiding the coronavirus. It’s like God took what He’d been doing slowly in my life and forced a deeper surrender. Now, a little more than a week into this unprecedented season full of so many unknowns, I’ve loved my time at home with my kids and our weekends with wide-open agendas.

Even the things I couldn’t and wouldn’t take off my list in the fall are now basically canceled: soccer practices and games, school pick-up driving, lunching with friends, volunteering, and kids’ dentist and pediatrician appointments. I went days without looking at my calendar, which is highly unusual. Yes, my kids are doing schoolwork at home, but we still have wonderful teachers pouring into their lives from a distance. I’ve gone to the grocery a couple of times to keep our fridge and pantry stocked, but I’ve loved the time to linger in the kitchen preparing meals and playing board games when we finish eating.

Truthfully, I’m feeling free.

Yes, I miss my friends and was happy to roll down my window and briefly chat with a few during the assignment drop-off and pick-up at my kids’ school. I’ve gone on a walk with my best friend and hung out at her house one evening. But I’ve mostly been in soft pants – as Cate as long called them – enjoying my people and our home.

Yes, of course, I hope we don’t get sick and sometimes have anxiety creep in when I think too hard about why we’re hunkered down at home. The first couple of days made me a little twitchy as texts, phone calls, and emailed canceled every detail of our normal lives. And, of course, the kids sometimes pick on each other and exploit their personality differences.

But I’ve seen evidence of God working in a long-time prayer request I’ve had for our family. I’ve witnessed simple goodness that offers a refreshing perspective. I’ve been able to keep in touch with people thanks to many technology options.

I’ve also seen evidence that when all five of us are here way more than usual, we produce a lot of trash and go through a lot of food and drinks. But we’ve also cuddled on the couch to listen to church, watch movies, and read books. For the record, in less than twenty-four hours, we watched “Freaky Friday” and “A Cinderella Story,” so just now I’m doing my part to introduce my kids to Chad Michael Murray. We previously watched all three installments of “High School Musical.” We have rotating crafts happening on our dining room table and I’m waiting on two puzzles I ordered to arrive from Amazon. Somehow the days go quickly.

I could go for a little more sunshine so we can take more walks in the woods, wander down by the creeks, and take advantage of our country living. Regardless, we’re going to soak in the blessings that come with surrendering, slowing down, and simplifying.

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This coronavirus-inspired social distancing really goes with the word {BECOMING} God has been teaching me about this year. I’d love to hear your stories about God working in these unprecedented circumstances. Rachel has been coloring many pages in this simple but great preschooler activity book and I’ve put together a list of our favorite board games.