family

How to enjoy motherhood

February 16, 2023 by Kristin Leave a Comment

Motherhood is hard. I’m almost 16 years into this rewarding, challenging role. Over the years, I’ve found some ways to help relieve the stressful demands, which can feel constant. Of course, motherhood is a journey. Some days feel like survival is the goal; others give me the time and perspective to take care of myself too!

Some surveys show 55% of stay-at-home mothers always or frequently feel burned out, which is why we should be aware of ways that help us relieve the stress that can negatively impact mental and physical health. Reducing motherhood stress also can cultivate stronger connections with your family, improve child development, and create a more positive family dynamic. Here are some ways to make motherhood less stressful:

Get dressed — even to stay home

Getting ready for the day can have a positive impact on your confidence and self-esteem, which can, in turn, make motherhood less stressful. When you feel good about yourself, you’re more likely to approach challenges positively and handle them more easily.

Admittedly, some days I like a slow morning in my pajamas. Plus, and this is no secret to those who know me, wearing comfortable clothes is a priority in my life. But brushing my teeth and showering always make me feel ready for the day. Plus I like to get my hair cut and colored and went through a phase of enjoying going to get my nails done.

Different people care about different aspects of “getting ready” — and that’s fine! Do what works for you. It doesn’t have to be expensive or extensive. Perhaps you’re obsessed with 90s hairstyle trends and want to treat yourself to an iconic 1990s hairstyles. Go for it.

Prioritize self-care

Self-care is a trendy phrase that kind of gets on my nerves. Of course, yes, care for yourself. Go on walks, read books, get a massage, phone a friend. Caring for your physical and mental health is important but looks different depending on our preferences and personalities.

As a mother, it can be easy to put your family’s needs before yours, but neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and increased stress levels. By making time for activities I enjoy, I find myself recharged and ready to return to motherhood.

Ask for help

Juggling the demands of childcare, housework, and other responsibilities can be overwhelming. Asking for assistance can make a big difference. Maybe ask another mom to carpool with you or hire someone to come clean the house. Ask your husband and kids to help conquer a chore list.

Delegating tasks can also foster a sense of teamwork and collaboration within your family while encouraging your children to develop responsibility and independence. Young kids can help too! Putting away the clean silverware is a great place to start with toddlers. Older kids can put away their laundry and clean up after themselves (when they remember and notice!). I have kids who help with laundry, unloading the dishwasher, and tidying their rooms.

Asking for help also is one way to create a supportive community of moms who come together to alienate stress and make life more enjoyable. (I wrote about hospitality and why we need one another in my book, “Bringing Home More Than Groceries: Stories About Gathering & Nourishing People.”)

Establish expectations

Greg and I talk about jurisdictions. We’ve been married 20 years, so we are settled into our ways together! He has things he does regularly and I have my things. Of course, we help one another as needed, but we also trust one another to take care of our responsibilities. Be willing to discuss these things and recognize when changes are necessary. Establishing a strong partnership with your partner can create a more supportive and fulfilling environment for yourself and your child.

When we have established clear expectations and priorities, much of life falls into place. I handle our family’s calendar, so I know our priorities are immediate family, close friends & family, church & school, and other people in our community. The order matters because we have to say no sometimes. We only have so much mental capacity and time in our days.

Sleep!

Nobody needs to sacrifice sleep! Most evenings, after the kids are in bed, which is becoming later as they get older, I’m also done for the day. Sometimes I will tidy the kitchen and or change over the laundry, and then settle in my bedroom. This is a good time for Greg and me to catch up while the kids are winding down too. We may watch a show together or read books separately. But then we sleep. My goal is 10 p.m. to 6:15 a.m., when my alarm goes off most mornings. I usually get close. I also like tracking my sleep on my Apple Watch and have my phone & watch go into sleep mode at 9:30 pm. In sleep mode, I don’t get any notifications.

Lack of sleep can lead to irritability, decreased concentration, and a weakened immune system, making parenting even more challenging. I’m not a napper, but this is how some moms, especially ones with young children, survive. Our overall well-being improves when we prioritize sleep and rest.

Plan fun

Planning fun helps it actually happen! I know, we all want fun and adventure to happen as life unfolds — and sometimes it will. But often we have to schedule blocks of time to go on adventures or enjoy fun at our home.

These kinds of memories help me remember the joy of motherhood, which, truly, helps wipe away the stress. Often fun still involves teaching moments, but our kids will remember the trips, snow days, game nights, and sporadic adventures! This also helps break up the monotony of our daily routines.

Embrace imperfection

Pep talking myself here! I can look at a situation, place, or person (including my children!) and see improvements. I can anticipate scenarios and work to prevent mishaps, but life still happens! I’m constantly working on embracing imperfections — in myself, my husband, my kids, and my home. Obviously, my whole family, definitely including myself, are all better off when I loosen my grip and rest in reality.

Embracing imperfection can teach our children the value of mistakes and resilience, helping them build important life skills. It can also create a more optimistic outlook on motherhood, leading to greater enjoyment and satisfaction.

Recognize accomplishments

Motherhood is a constant responsibility and often the rewards are delayed. But stop and think about all we accomplish in a day, reflect on an encouraging conversation with a child, or remember an interruption that turned into a blessing.

Being a mother comes with many daily challenges, and you need to recognize each minor victory and accomplishment you make in your motherhood journey. Doing this can help reduce stress and remind us why we are investing in our families.

We can do this, mommas!

How & why to travel with kids

February 2, 2023 by Kristin Leave a Comment

We’ve always traveled with our kids.

Cate, who is 15 now, was born in a hospital four hours away from our home, so her first nights out of the hospital were spent in a hotel while we waited for interstate adoption clearance. We flew across the world to New Zealand when she was 2!

Both Cate and Ben, who is 13, transitioned from cribs to beds so they could be prepared for an upcoming trip. When Rachel came along, she was along for the ride to all the things, thanks to the six- and eight-year gaps with her siblings.

They all had passports before they could read and now our two teenagers have their own Known Traveler Numbers. Getting through security quicker and without unpacking as much is definitely one way to make traveling smoother! Our international vacations have mostly been via cruise ships or to Canada. Of course, we don’t always need the TSA Pre-Check line because we certainly don’t always fly. We take lots of smaller trips for a few days to visit family, celebrate holidays, watch basketball, and see places closer to home.

For years, they’ve each packed their own travel bags with electronics, books, and whatever else they want to do along the way. Usually, I give them the number and kinds of outfits they need and they bring their clothes to me so we can consolidate suitcases and bags. Nobody wants to play Tetris or maneuver through the airport with more suitcases and bags than actual people. If we go on road trips where we’ll be in and out of different hotels and accommodations, I like to bag smaller bags to use for dirty clothes or however make sense to pack so we aren’t hauling in and out all the things at every stop.

With a family, we typically try to stay in vacation rentals because the price is usually comparable to a hotel and the space makes everyone happier. If we do need a hotel, I usually try to find a suite so at least we can spread out a little.

I want them to appreciate travel. I want them to see places that are unlike their home. I want them to experience adventures. I want them to have friends in other places. We’ve even taken our oldest two on mission trips to Guatemala. Traveling and serving can certainly go together.

I know traveling is a privilege, but I will always tell you: Take the trip.

I say this after interruptions and cancellations have messed with us recently. We had to cancel a Disney Cruise to Alaska in July 2022 the day before we left to fly to Vancouver because one kid tested positive for COVID-19 before the cruise lines lifted testing restrictions. Our two-hour flights from Nashville to Miami and back were canceled right after Christmas 2022 when Southwest had its infamous meltdown. But we got refunded, reimbursed, and rewarded, and, yes, I booked Southwest again for an upcoming Spring Break trip.

Sometimes traveling means early mornings or late nights or canceled flights. It means snack crumbs in the minivan and public bathrooms. Sometimes it means wrong turns, heavy traffic, and more miles than you were expecting to put on a vehicle.

But, more importantly, traveling makes me appreciate home and let go of the stress that comes with ordinary routines and responsibilities. Traveling opens my eyes to new places and experiences, gives me a fresh perspective, and lets me have different food I didn’t have to cook. I also love documenting our travels with photos – many of which have ended up on the walls of our home.

Another way we make traveling rewarding is by using our Capital One Venture credit card. There are travel discounts and rewards. We get a higher percentage back in rewards when we make travel-related reservations, can cash rewards in to cover travel purchases, got reimbursed for our TSA Pre-Check application when we used this card as payment, and can book hotels and rental cars with discounted rates directly through the credit card website. Win-win, I tell you. (Learn more here!)

Thankfully, Greg and I are in sync with traveling philosophies and styles. Also, props to my husband for almost always driving all the miles between wherever we’re going and home.

With our two teenagers and first-grader, we are reaping the benefits of having traveled with our babies. Now we have big kids who appreciate a weekend getaway or major vacation. They have developed their own preferences and it’s fun to see them settle into their own as travelers. Ben and Cate would tell you our Spring Break trip in 2022 to Hoover Dam, Grand Canyon, and Sedona, Arizona is their favorite. Rachel asks to go back to Disney, but I’m not so sure that’s going to happen!

So, I tell you, take the trip. It may not be easy or convenient, but it’s always worth it. And always take lots of snacks along for the ride!

*****

Here are some of our recent trips!

From snow to sand

January 4, 2023 by Kristin Leave a Comment

I wrote about our Miami trip as we went along (good use of the unexpected car time!), so I’m going to share about it like journal entries from each day we were there. From snow to sand we go!

Monday, Dec. 26

When we left the house at 5:30 am to allow plenty of time for our 9:30 am flight, snow was falling. That made our roads that hadn’t recovered from Thursday’s ice and subsequent freezing temperatures even worse. Interstate 24 was not great but did have one lane mostly cleared.

Along the way, we learned our flight was delayed and then canceled. We arrived at the Nashville airport a little less than 3 hours later and got in a very long “rebooking” line. Greg tried to book with another airline or rent a car so we could drive down and still fly home Friday. But nothing was available. I inched forward in line for 2+ hours when we decided to leave. I honestly was saying & thinking, “Let’s go eat and then go home.” We ended up eating and then driving … toward Miami.

We stopped near Chattanooga in the midst of traffic and I had to wait in a line of at least 10 people deep to use the bathroom. But we got some snacks and continued on.

You can Google the meltdown Southwest has had this weekend and today. I definitely was frustrated we got stuck in the midst of the airline’s issues. But we certainly weren’t the only ones. And I still can’t through on the phone to get a refund for the flight Southwest canceled. Eventually, surely, I won’t get a busy signal.

(EDITED to add: We got the refund initiated on Thursday night, after I called an obscure “lost baggage” number buried on the website. Southwest sent me notifications to check in for my flight on Friday evening, but, of course, we had to cancel that one because now we had a mini van in Miami! We have since received a full refund to our credit card.)

I know traveling is a privilege and something we get to enjoy. We are going to Miami because this is Christmas with my siblings, their families, and our mom. We decided to go somewhere warm instead of exchanging gifts — and I’m still totally on board with that plan! My sister called between the airport and food when I still thought we should head home. But her encouragement came right when I needed it. I think I was having trouble mentally transitioning from the peace of the last few days to the chaos around me.

We stopped for dinner at a Mexican restaurant south of Atlanta and we are going to drive some more tonight and stop for some sleep somewhere in Florida.

I hear Key Lime Pie and sunshine calling my name. That’s my plan for tomorrow with my family, so we’ll see how that goes.

Tuesday, Dec 27

My kids have been troopers. Seriously. They’ve been kind and patient. Ben even found Sour Patch Kid socks at a gas station yesterday — he’s into tall, fun socks and loves to eat Sour Patch Kids.

We made it to Miami right at 24 hours later than we originally planned. Better late than never, I suppose.

We met my family at Black Point Ocean Grill and had a good lunch. Then we went on a boat tour that was really interesting, especially about celebrities’ homes on Star Island. The way Miami sits on so much water really is beautiful.

We ordered pizza from Steve’s Pizza and hung out at our rental house’s lovely outdoor area. The kids swam, played basketball and pool, and climbed on the swing set. Cassie and Zac brought a Solo Stove (actually an off-brand one that they like better!) and we enjoyed the evening together.

Gathering together with my siblings is always fun. Our kids get along well and enjoy being together. The house we rented was in Cutler Bay, which was nice so we could do various things in South Florida. The interior of the house was odd and not great, but the outside area was awesome!

Wednesday, Dec 28

We went to the Everglades Safari Park and did an airboat tour, which was awesome! We saw several alligators and birds. It was such a neat way to see a tiny portion of Everglades National Park. Multiple people in my family consider this a highlight – and it was for sure!

Then we went to Top Golf for a late lunch and entertainment. It was my first time there, and although I’m not into golfing, it was a fun experience.

Thursday, Dec 29

We headed even further south to Key Largo, where we spent some time at John Pennekamp Coral Reef State Park, where we went on a two-hour boat tour. We learned a lot about mangrove trees, went through some channels in the Key Largo Sound, and saw dolphins in the Atlantic Ocean. Then we had the best meal of our trip! Delicious food and a sunset view at Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill were for sure a highlight. The key lime pie was the wait.

Friday, Dec 30

When in Florida, a beach is necessary, so we ventured through traffic to Miami Beach. The streets leading to the sand were upscale and colorful – just what I imagined Miami to be. The beach itself reminded me of lots of other beaches, although they had the cutest, most colorful lifeguard huts.

We had lunch at Big Pink, which was delicious and had the biggest wraps, burgers, sandwiches, and chicken and waffles … basically everything everyone at our table ordered was huge.

My crew decided to hit the road this afternoon with full bellies and good memories. Once we arrived, the trip really was smooth. The greater Miami area has so many different things to do – beaches, everglades, seafood, big city things, Key Largo, and boat rides.

Thankfully, the trip home was less chaotic than the trip south. And I got to lunch with my cousin-friend Mary, her kids, and my uncle Tom just north of Atlanta on our way home.

Happy New Year to us!

*****

EDITED 1/11/23 to add: I wanted to give Southwest Airlines a shout-out because its people did what they could to make it right after the fact.

We got a full refund for the flights back to our credit card, were surprised with 25,000 reward points each, and have reimbursement for our alternative travel (hotels there and back, fuel, and food there and back) coming.

Plus this week I booked Southwest flights for our Spring Break trip.