counseling

Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.

February 11, 2021 by Kristin 1 Comment

I saw lots of writers post about this brightly colored book: “Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.: 10 Questions to Take Your Friendships to the Next Level” by Laura Tremaine. I didn’t order it right away because, honestly, I just wasn’t sure if I needed a self-help book on connecting with people more deeply. I’ve been limiting my non-fiction consumption because I really don’t want a lot of bossy voices in my head.

Well, I ended up ordering the Kindle version of this book on the last day preorders were available because I was totally intrigued by two of the bonuses, which, more honesty, I don’t usually care about. I wanted the downloadable journaling prompts (which are taken directly from the book but provided space to process more deeply) and The Secret Tapes, which are podcast episodes where the author talks with friends and family she wrote about in the book.

Goodness, I’m glad I got this book. I read it in two days, journaled about nine of the ten questions as I read the book, plan to journal more, and recommended the book to two my best friends and my counselor. In fact, I shared some of my journals and thoughts with my counselor.

This book is part memoir and part guidebook. Laura Tremaine is a good storyteller, but she’s not just a storyteller. She uses her experiences and vulnerability to empower people to share their stuff. She goes first, asks the hard questions, and ushered me into deeper thinking about my own childhood, friendships throughout different seasons, and decisions that changed the trajectory of my life.

About the book

“Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.” is the invitation you’ve been waiting for to show up – even maybe you didn’t know it! In spite of the hyper-connected culture we live in today, women still feel shamed for oversharing and being publicly vulnerable. And no matter how many friends we seem to have, many of us are still desperately lonely.

Openness and vulnerability are the foundation for human growth and healthy relationships, and it all starts when we share our stuff, the nitty-gritty daily details about ourselves with others. Laura has led the way in her personal life with her popular blog and podcast and now gives you the tools to build and deepen the conversations happening in your life.

Laura’s stories about her childhood in Oklahoma, her complicated shifts in faith and friendships, and her marriage to a Hollywood movie director will prompt you to identify the beautiful narrative and pivotal milestones of your own life. Each chapter offers intriguing and reflective questions that will reveal unique details and stories you’ve never thought to tell and will guide you into cultivating the authentic connection with others that only comes from sharing yourself.

“Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First.” is a 224-page hardcover book published by Zondervan (Feb. 2, 2021).

About the author

Laura Tremaine grew up in small town Oklahoma and moved to Los Angeles sight unseen when she was twenty-two years old. She worked in film and television production for many years at MTV, VH1, Fox, and Paramount Pictures, before pursuing writing full time.

Laura has been sharing her life online for ten years. She writes about friendship, anxiety, motherhood, and marriage. Her blog posts and podcast episodes resonate with women looking for ways to connect more deeply with others as they transform from one era of life into another. Laura lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their two children.

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Nobody told me to share this book with y’all, I just can’t help it. It’s so good. I paid for the Kindle version of this book with my own money.

The sounds of Becoming

January 20, 2020 by Kristin 6 Comments

“I am miles from where I was
It’s so far from where I want to be
With each step I learn to trust
The maker is still making me …”
– Jason Gray in “Becoming”

In September, I sat with on my counselor’s couch and told her about this idea of transformation being a process of order to disorder to reorder. I stole the concept from singer/songwriter Jason Gray who was inspired by Franciscan friar and author Richard Rohr’s idea and wrote some songs about it. On the heels of a hard year, these songs helped me make sense out of conflict, disappointment, loss, and grief. They helped me see how God was working even when my heart and head hurt.

These songs are part of a three-part project that’s being released in segments. The first set of songs – “Order” – has been out since September and I’ve been listening to it frequently. There is also a five-day devotional that goes along with the songs and spoke truth into my wounded soul. I can’t carry a tune and I haven’t played my clarinet since 1993, but other people’s songs have always marked my seasons and helped me along.

So, of course, I looked to see if Jason Gray was on tour. He didn’t have any dates near me, but not long after he posted on Instagram about wanting to schedule some small shows with him and his guitar. My mind started intertwining lots of ideas I had to make a concert part of a bigger fundraiser for our mission team that’s headed to Guatemala in April and needed to raise thousands of dollars to build two houses, visit about 20 families and help meet some of the physical needs, and distribute 50 wheelchairs. Jason Gray and I exchanged some emails and got a date on the calendar.

The date was last night, and this morning my heart is full.

My natural Enneagram One way is to think about how more seats could have been filled or more money raised, but I know God is asking me to unclench my fists and hold my palms wide open. It’s an ongoing conversation God and I have and one we’ll probably continuing having because Jesus saved me from my sins but he’s still saving me from my anxious ways.

Last night Jason talked about how our weaknesses are what make us safe places for each other. Then he sang about how the wounds are where the light gets in, trusting is a lot like falling, and sometimes the truth is hard to tell ourselves. He sang about how we’re all still becoming and being made new. He sang about how it’s good to be alive, even if we have to be reminded who we are.

Before the concert, we had a chili cook-off with 11 pots of chili from my friends, a silent auction of donations from other friends, and a bake sale my daughter and her best friend headed up. There were lots of ways to support our mission projects and these families in Guatemala we’ll get to serve, but, more importantly, there were many ways to be connected to one another. That’s where God does beautiful work.

Maybe it’s on a counselor’s couch, through the songs of a stranger who seems to understand, or while planning an event so a team of people can serve together, but we are at our best when we make room for each other – even when the brokenness is obvious and the wounds are far from healed.

Jason Gray opened his show with “Becoming” – one of those songs from the “Order” project. That’s my word this year. In 2020, I want to focus on becoming more like Christ, resting in real life knowing living surrendered is far more productive than controlling and clinching. Jason didn’t know that’s where I am, but he knew that’s where he’d been and trusted he wasn’t the only one.

Porch Stories in August

August 28, 2019 by Kristin 13 Comments

Well, August always gives me all the feelings. I feel filled by summer, but I don’t want summer to end. I like routine, but I like having my people close too. Basically, I wasn’t ready for my kids to return to school until they did.

My dad died the week before Summer Break started and then we spent the first long weekend of Summer Break on a wonderful vacation to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. Then I just never really had all the space I needed to process the grief that came with my dad dying and the realities that revealed. I had a long lunch with my mother-in-law who is also my friend last week because we needed to catch up. I’m thankful for the space for that sort of thing now. And I’m thankful my kids’ school years are off to a (mostly) smooth start.

Highlights

When I turned 40 in May, Greg gave me a trip to Colorado to visit some longtime friends and the Rocky Mountains. Again with the grief, we delayed the trip until our anniversary weekend in August. It was perfectly timed and such a wonderful trip. I shared about it the trip along the way on Instagram and Facebook {You can see all the posts & pictures here!} and then wrote a whole blog post once we were home.

The weekend before school started, we went with our best friends, my mom, and a nephew to Holiday World, an amusement park about three hours from here. If our family has a happy place with too much stimulation, this is it.

We spent a lot of evenings this summer riding through our woods, including the backside of our property that a company has been logging. I never would have predicted to find myself fascinated with the logging process. The picture at the top of the post is from one of our rides recently. There’s some profound about the seasons of the land and how God grows things from the ground to provide for us.

Favorite things

Adoption post – I always love sharing our adoption story, so I’m thankful Mandy Farmer invited me to share about adoption changed my legacy. {Read the post here.}

Jason Gray’s new music – I have to pep talk myself regularly because I’m quick to forget how to navigate well life’s winding road, so I’m grateful God gave me a soundtrack for this season. Jason Gray has a new EP of five songs that are the anthems my soul needs. If I didn’t know better, I would think this musical stranger wrote these songs for me in the midst of “order, disorder, reorder over and over,” as one of the songs says. But I am aware I’m not the only one who needs to perceive the new thing God is doing. {I wrote more about this.}

PackIt Freezable Lunch Bags – We love these lunch boxes! They have built-in gel packs that freeze so the food inside stays cold until my kids’ lunchtime. The bags fold flat and don’t take up too much room in the freezer. Plus when the packs thaw later in the day, the bags don’t sweat. Plus they’re easy to wipe out inside.

Counseling – My calendar once again has regular counseling appointments on it, and I’m so thankful for that space. I’ve missed it (and my counselor specifically) and I’ve needed it more than ever with all the things that got stuck in my head over the summer. {Here’s a post about when I first went to counseling in 2017.}

Outdoor Movie Night – Y’all know I love when life happens on the porch. We recently had a Friday Family Movie Night out there. We watched “Breakthrough,” which is based on an inspiring true story, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was (mostly) prepared for the boy to fall through the ice, require a miracle, and live. But I wasn’t prepared to relate to the momma main character who adopted her son, has diabetes, and wants to control all the outcomes in life. Talk about hitting home. Even so, I’m thankful for my family and our time together. I also really love our new projector and screen so we can have more nights like this – but probably with a lighter movie!

From the bookshelf

“Blue Smoke” by Nora Roberts – She’s written hundreds of books under two names, and this is the first one I’ve ever read. I really loved parts of it, although I had the mystery figured out well before the end. Still, I read it in two days and didn’t regret any of that.

“The Sometimes Sisters” by Carolyn Brown – This was a Kindle deal purchase quite a while ago, but I really enjoyed the sisters in this story and how their characters grew in their own stories and together as a family as they processed their pasts and recent grief. I liked the lake resort setting too.

“A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis – A friend had recommended this book to me and I found it for 25 cents when I happened upon a used bookstore in Estes Park, Colorado. I read it on the plane on the way home and marked several passages. I’ll be thinking about this one for a while and likely revisit in the years to come.

“Without Merit” by Colleen Hoover – I also found this fiction read by one of my new favorite authors for 25 cents at the used bookstore. I devoured it in two days. I loved how this story developed, revealing secrets one daughter in a complicated family couldn’t hold inside anymore. It’s a story about love and forgiveness – and how those things look different for everyone.

“Ugly Love” by Colleen Hoover – Disclaimer: This book had more sex scenes than I would normally read. I skimmed them. But I really loved the character development, how the story was mostly told from one character in the present and one character in the past, and where the plot went.

“All Your Perfects” by Colleen Hoover – Yep, another one! She’s a wonderful storyteller and I really loved how this one alternated between then and now chapters of a marriage. Infertility was a major theme in the book and having walked through that in my own life, I was impressed with how accurate and heartbreaking that storyline was.

“Verity” by Colleen Hoover – Obviously, I’m a fan of this writer. This is the seventh book I’ve read by her, yet this one was the first suspenseful one. She did that on purpose, venturing out of her usual emotional romance. Of course, there was some of that too. I read it in a day, thought I had it all figured out, and then was still a little surprised in the end.

“Finding God’s Life for My Will” by Mike Donehey – I heard this Tenth Avenue North lead singer recently on Annie F. Downs’s podcast and ordered his new book before the podcast episode was over. He said things about leaders and followers that intrigued me and encouraged me to follow Jesus more closely.

In “Finding God’s Life for My Will,” I marked catchy lines and thought-provoking paragraphs and rhetorical questions I need to keep asking myself. I texted a friend a few pictures of pages from the chapter about sorrow & joy and I read aloud to my husband funny and meaningful stories. I’m going to recommend the book to multiple friends with whom I have ongoing conversations on faith. (Obviously, I’m recommending this book to y’all too.)

I haven’t read many non-fiction books this year and am generally selective about which ones I read. This world is so noisy and bossy. But in this book, Mike Donehey shares stories that are gentle, funny, and true. He quotes scripture and reminds readers of what Jesus did for us, what we should do about it, and how life is not nearly as complicated as we make it sometimes.

On the screen

I already told you about “Breakthrough” and there’s not much new TV on right now. My kids did watch “Lion King” with my mom while Greg and I were in Colorado.

“New Girl” – I don’t usually choose sit-coms, but I needed some laughter in my life, so this is a good choice right now. I literally laugh out loud sometimes and these roommates and the new girl roommate in their life.

How was your August?

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