Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

Redefining busyness

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Social Distancing Day #34 felt busy. Of course, the way we’re all defining “busy” is different these days. Before the coronavirus disrupted our lives, I had time commitments most every day – picking up kids, taxiing kids to where to needed to go, errands, meeting friends, volunteering. All of that is good stuff. But these days having a time-specific commitment is rare.

On Day #34, I had two: a birthday parade for a friend and a Zoom meeting with my Bible study, but I also decided I should grocery shop while I was out and drop off some mail. I also needed to help Ben with school, put dinner in the Crock Pot, and tend to other meals and chores around the house. Plus I wanted to finish a scrapbooking project.

I felt mentally spent by the afternoon, so I took two of my kids on a walk to a creek at the back of our country property. I sat on a tree stump, talked to my mother-in-law who I miss, and soaked in the fresh air and sunshine. In this slower season of uncertainty, I’m feeling changed. And I can’t imagine going back to “normal” when the economy and schools and parks open up again.

I want to protect this slower pace. I want friends to miss each other and reach out. I want family time together and so many meals at home to be valued. I want busyness to feel like a stranger.

When I was organizing photos and writing for that scrapbooking project I was motivated to finish, I was ready through my Reflect & Refresh posts from the end of 2019 that looked toward 2020. I realized I basically expressed my desire for more time at home and having the freedom to say no to some things. Obviously, I had no idea just how real that would become in 2020.

I know people are suffering and lives are far more disrupted than mine, but I am thankful for this season, even though we really don’t know how long it will last. It’s looking more and more like school at home is going to lead right into Summer Break, which usually involves more time at home for us. I’m ready for our pool to be open. I’m ready to see some friends.

But, most importantly, I’m ready to hold onto what I’ve learned in the slowness.

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I’ve been journaling every day, so here on some confessions I shared on social media recently:

I haven’t wanted to read. I’ve read three books in the last month, but my other hobbies (scrapbooking, working puzzles, board games, TV shows) have gotten my attention I also think I’ve had to be careful about how much information I take in, and that apparently includes stories!

Although a fabulous deal on Kindle Unlimited got me to dive into another book, which I finished over the weekend! Hello, TWO FREE MONTHS of Kindle books at my fingertips. Through April 30, you can sign up for Kindle Unlimited for two months for free, go to manage subscriptions and immediately cancel, and have access for two months and not have to worry about getting charged when you forget to cancel. (Learn more about Kindle Unlimited here!)

I haven’t been bored for a single moment. Seriously.

Our days go quickly, even when have very little planned. I haven’t even done that many organized activities or crafts. When I declare it’s bedtime, somebody still has something else they want to do, usually with Daddy, so I always remind them we get another day at home tomorrow!

I created a playlist for this season. The theme is basically: Be still, know God is God, and do not fear. (Listen here.)

We produce a lot of trash and dirty a lot of dishes when we don’t go anywhere. My kids have been outside so much (good thing!) that we have a lot of dirty shoes and clothes because we live in the country, and there’s a lot of dirt here.

*****

What have you learned in this coronavirus-prompted season of social distancing? Do you have any confessions to share?

A life with goldenrod

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I love seeing the fields of goldenrod lining our country roads. Seeing the yellow contrast the green growing to meet the blue skis is so pretty I forget goldenrod is a weed. Of course, it’s our state flower too. I saw goldenrod recently spring up from gravel and along the rocky shoreline of Kentucky Lake. The pops of yellow are sweet surprises among mud and gravel.

We’re beginning our fourth week of social distancing. We’ve left the house for curbside drop off and pick up of school assignments, although this week is actual Spring Break. And I’ve gone grocery shopping about once a week. We’ve done one drive-by birthday parade for Nana, who turned 91 last week, and have another coming up this week for our best friend turning 12.

Most days, I love being home with a clear calendar. I’ve gotten to see God do things in our family I’ve been praying about for a long time. I’ve gotten to deal with some deeply rooted things in my own soul. I’ve learned things about my kids. We figured out how to play Settlers of Catan online with our best friends. My Bible study group is continuing to talk about John on Zoom meetings. Our church small group meets, thanks to Microsoft Teams. I’ve taken long walks and talked to friends on the phone.

But some moments have been hard.

Rescheduling the mission trip to Guatemala we’d been planning for an entire year was hard. We’d be there now if it weren’t for this worldwide coronavirus epidemic. Wiping off soccer practices and games, volleyball practices, birthday parties for friends, school field trips, volunteer commitments, and family gatherings was freeing at the beginning but started cutting deeper each time. In a family of mostly extroverts, thinking about celebrating three of our birthdays in isolation together is sad. We miss our families and friends.

I realize other people are navigating many harder situations, but the reality is everyone is dealing with disappointment and adjustments of some kind. It’s okay to own the hard we’re experiencing without ranking and comparing to others.

Honestly, it’s been almost a year of weirdness for me. Right after I turned 40 in May, my dad died and the grief overwhelmed my favorite season. I finally felt more myself by the time my least favorite season was starting, and the irony was a spiritual lesson. Now we’re all in this socially distant life. Through it all, I’ve learned at least one thing: Goodness and grief co-exist. One moment can hold both. And that’s okay.

That’s where I am today. One evening I’m teary. Another morning I wake up anxious. Thankfully, we’re all healthy. I find peace when I pray and sing and reach out to friends. Getting groceries makes me anxious, but my home and all the wide-open space around it feel safe.

We aren’t in a world of either or, this or that. We are in a world of both and. It’s hard and comforting. It’s anxious and peaceful. It’s broken and beautiful. Like those pretty stalks of goldenrod that shoot up among the mud.

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This is the second post I’ve shared about our coronavirus season, which is obviously unlike any spring we’ve lived before. Here’s the first post.

Becoming still

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In the fall, fresh off a hard season of grief, I wrote down in my journal everything single thing I spent any amount of time doing: Laundry. Taxiing kids around. Paying bills. Sending emails for a local group. Volunteering here and there. Lunching with friends. Making dinner. Grocery shopping. Serving on my kids’ school board. Blogging. Social media. Reading. And, you know, the list goes on and on.

Then I got rid of some commitments, passed along some responsibilities to other people, and lessened the priority of other things. Honestly, it hurt. I find worth in my productivity and knew that needed to stop. I was rushed too much and knew I needed to slow down.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know I am God.” I’ve heard this verse often, but it’s only been as a 40-year-old woman that I’ve really started to understand it. In this verse, “still” actually means “cease striving.” Being still in the presence of God is more than just not moving; it’s actually about our mental posture and being willing to surrender our stubborn wills.

In that season of letting go, I had to let go of some commitments I truly loved in the spirit of stillness because they were draining me and overfilling my emotional capacity. I was reminded of how sadness and joy can co-exist, how the same decision can hurt and heal.

I started this new year saying no to some of the same things and being aware that I might have to say no again so I can have time at home, capacity to be a good wife and mom, and space to be able to see God working in me and around me.

Then on Saturday, March 14, we started social distancing ourselves from almost everyone we usually see in hopes of avoiding the coronavirus. It’s like God took what He’d been doing slowly in my life and forced a deeper surrender. Now, a little more than a week into this unprecedented season full of so many unknowns, I’ve loved my time at home with my kids and our weekends with wide-open agendas.

Even the things I couldn’t and wouldn’t take off my list in the fall are now basically canceled: soccer practices and games, school pick-up driving, lunching with friends, volunteering, and kids’ dentist and pediatrician appointments. I went days without looking at my calendar, which is highly unusual. Yes, my kids are doing schoolwork at home, but we still have wonderful teachers pouring into their lives from a distance. I’ve gone to the grocery a couple of times to keep our fridge and pantry stocked, but I’ve loved the time to linger in the kitchen preparing meals and playing board games when we finish eating.

Truthfully, I’m feeling free.

Yes, I miss my friends and was happy to roll down my window and briefly chat with a few during the assignment drop-off and pick-up at my kids’ school. I’ve gone on a walk with my best friend and hung out at her house one evening. But I’ve mostly been in soft pants – as Cate as long called them – enjoying my people and our home.

Yes, of course, I hope we don’t get sick and sometimes have anxiety creep in when I think too hard about why we’re hunkered down at home. The first couple of days made me a little twitchy as texts, phone calls, and emailed canceled every detail of our normal lives. And, of course, the kids sometimes pick on each other and exploit their personality differences.

But I’ve seen evidence of God working in a long-time prayer request I’ve had for our family. I’ve witnessed simple goodness that offers a refreshing perspective. I’ve been able to keep in touch with people thanks to many technology options.

I’ve also seen evidence that when all five of us are here way more than usual, we produce a lot of trash and go through a lot of food and drinks. But we’ve also cuddled on the couch to listen to church, watch movies, and read books. For the record, in less than twenty-four hours, we watched “Freaky Friday” and “A Cinderella Story,” so just now I’m doing my part to introduce my kids to Chad Michael Murray. We previously watched all three installments of “High School Musical.” We have rotating crafts happening on our dining room table and I’m waiting on two puzzles I ordered to arrive from Amazon. Somehow the days go quickly.

I could go for a little more sunshine so we can take more walks in the woods, wander down by the creeks, and take advantage of our country living. Regardless, we’re going to soak in the blessings that come with surrendering, slowing down, and simplifying.

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This coronavirus-inspired social distancing really goes with the word {BECOMING} God has been teaching me about this year. I’d love to hear your stories about God working in these unprecedented circumstances. Rachel has been coloring many pages in this simple but great preschooler activity book and I’ve put together a list of our favorite board games.