• Grown up & full of grace

    ByKristin Cate, motherhood

    Photo by Abby Cadwell // Website & Instagram

    What a joy it has been raising this girl. I mean, we aren’t done. But here we are with our firstborn girl “officially” grown up! Thankfully, Cate is not going far when she graduates from high school in three days. I’m going with her on a mission trip to Costa Rica at the end of this month. She’ll be at home this summer and then in August move 9.4 miles away to Murray State University. 

    And I’m sure she’ll still have some questions about life – at least I hope she does. Walmart emailed me overnight about how I no longer have access to her prescription account, and that felt harsh and sudden. 

    Cate may officially be a grownup, but I hope she still tells me about her day, comes home to do laundry, and lets me feed her and her friends. Throughout the years, she’s become one of my favorite people to listen to and talk with, travel with, and discuss whatever is going on. She is wise and steady, even if younger sister Rachel gets annoyed with all our chit-chat in the front seat of the car. 

    Being in a family can be hard sometimes, and my girl has had a couple of hard years with our dynamic. Being the oldest comes with its own set of pressures, as I know from experience. There were also some hard friendships with mean girls and the general stress of finishing high school and taking dual-credit classes. Even so, she’s done a beautiful job being a daughter, sister, and friend. I know it’s not easy to be the first-born, rule-following child, but as Cate’s mom, I see all the ways she has kept the peace, helped even when she didn’t want to, and steadied our family. 

    Cate’s senior year has been a provision from God. She’s been in the same small school since kindergarten, which is beautiful yet comes with its own set of challenges. To be a trailblazer isn’t always comfortable, but she’s excelled with grace. This year, she’s led a young basketball team that her dad coached, earned scholarships for her strong character, and set a worthy example in almost everything she did at school, on the court, and at home. Witnessing her friendships deepen and her faith grow has been the greatest gift to me as a mom. 

    I knew I wanted to be a mom, and then we landed in the adoption world with no idea what we were doing. But Cate has been a gift since May 6, 2007. I know I didn’t always do everything right, but I did everything with love for her (and our other kids) and trust that God has us. I’m so grateful for grace and mercy along the parenting journey, 

    Seeing Cate grow into who God created her to be has been a joy, and I’m excited to see what God does in her life from here. I know it’ll be good! Good doesn’t always mean easy, but I believe He has plans and timing greater than anything we can imagine for Cate. I pray she remembers and trusts that – and then calls me or hops in the front seat of my minivan and tells me about it all.

    Happy 18th birthday, Catherine Anna. I love you dearly. 

    *****

    Look back on her life: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Baptism. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. And read all about how God built my family & faith through adoption in my book, “Peace in the Process.”

  • Seventeen

    ByKristin Cate, motherhood

    Seventeen doesn’t seem monumental. It falls right between being able to drive a car on the actual road and being deemed an official adult. Yet somehow 17 feels big to me right now. 

    So much of Cate’s birth is wrapped up in my own testimony of drawing nearer to God than before and discovering peace that truly passed my own understanding. I didn’t know what I was doing when we drove away from that Bloomington, Indiana, hospital when she was less than 24 hours old. I didn’t know what I was doing when we stayed just across the river, waiting for Kentucky to give us the clearance to come home with this baby God gave us. 

    Honestly, I’m still not always sure of what I’m doing, but I look at Cate’s life and see God’s goodness. He made me a mom and grew my faith in a new profound way 17 years ago. (I wrote a whole book about this piece of our family’s story as well as the stories where God gave us two other babies.)

    I’m sure 18 will feel monumental in a year. But, right now, I want to savor this. I want to pause here and soak it all in because, goodness, all these 17 years have gone so so quickly. 

    I miss having Cate ride in the front seat of my minivan to school, to practice, home from school, to run errands, or wherever else we’re going. Ben is glad he gets to ride up front more now. But that front seat fosters prime conversation and I miss our “chit chat,” as Rachel called it. 

    But I love seeing her thrive. She loves God and seeks His will in her daily life. She’s a leader among her peers. She’s fun. She works hard. She’s easy for me because she’s a lot like me. 

    I didn’t pray for a kid to be like me. I just prayed to get the chance to have a baby – and I probably should have prayed more about who this baby would become. This baby came to me in a way I never expected, but our connection and similarities are a sweet gift from God. 

    When so much of motherhood has stretched me, parenting this girl has been a joy – and I’m thankful she’s not officially a grown-up, yet. I’m thankful she talks about going to Murray State, where she plans to live on campus but bring her friends to our house for meals and pool time. I’m thankful she tells me about her day with texts throughout the day and bedtime conversations when she puts Greg and me to bed. I’m thankful for who God has created her to be long before I knew she’d be my girl. 

    Catherine Anna, you’re a joy and a gift to many. I’m so grateful I get to be your mom. 

    *****

    Look back on her life: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Baptism. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen.

  • All the places she’ll go

    ByKristin Cate, family, motherhood

    My first baby girl is 16 today. (Sigh …) 

    I know, I just really can’t even believe it. Not only does time seem to have flown by, but I remember my own life at 16. The full-circle moments are just odd, but I wouldn’t trade any season of motherhood. I would like to note: I like parenting teenagers, and I’d like to stay right here for a while before things change again!

    So, here on the day Cate turns 16 and I celebrate her making me a mom, I want to tell you this story: 

    At the end of February, Cate had her first sleepover that wasn’t because we had out-of-town friends or needed logistic help. Our standard rule had been: No sleepovers. I won’t get into all the reasons why, but it was a boundary I didn’t find hard to parent even though there were seasons my eldest daughter didn’t understand. 

    Then during the basketball season, her friendships with three teammates strengthened. They had been her friends for years, thanks to the small, private school they all attended together. As a sophomore, Cate was playing her fourth season of basketball. The team had grown and improved during that time. Our beloved Lady Lions went 15-1 and my girl wanted to celebrate with her closest friends. She started talking to her dad and me about the possibility of a sleepover a few weeks before. I like these girls and was proud of their hard work, not just because they won but because they demonstrated their commitment to working hard with each other. Greg and I decided she could invite them to our house.

    Two of the girls drove here in their own cars after their last game. That seemed monumental at the time. Seeing my girl’s friends’ vehicles in our driveway made me happy to have them gathering here. I don’t know how much sleeping happened at this sleepover, but I’m pretty sure the amounts of fruit snacks, Capri Suns, Gatorade, and Cheez-Its consumed were greater. They were easy and polite — and cleaned up after themselves. Greg and I have always wanted our house to be where our kids’ friends want to hang out. We’ll always have a fridge of drinks and plenty of Totino’s Pizza Rolls ready for them. 

    We’ve come so far in 16 years. I can’t even document all this girl has taught me. She’s so much like me, but she’s also much more secure in her faith than most teenagers I know. I love sharing my birthday week with her and then celebrating Mother’s Day right after. She recently started her first job at the local movie theater. She loves photography, basketball, and her friends, whose cars I hope continue to come and go from our driveway. 

    Rachel likes to ask how old Cate and Ben will be when she’s such and such age. The other day Rachel asked how old her sister would be when she was 16. I quickly added the eight years between them: 24. I just can’t imagine being there. Rachel called Cate my favorite, mostly based on the fact we chit-chat a lot in the car when she’s in the front seat with me and Rachel is disappointed she has to sit behind us. Cate chimed in, “I won’t even live at home when you’re 16. I’ll just be you, Mom, and Dad because Ben will be 22.” Whoa. It’s true. Rachel liked what she heard. 

    And I want time to slow down just a bit and I’m not thinking about that third child driving yet. Let me soak in the first one turning 16. 

    Happy birthday, Catherine Anna. You are my favorite. (So are your siblings.) I love all our talks, Jeopardy binges, watching you grow into the woman God created you to be, and getting to experience the teenage years with you. Here’s to learning to drive and all the places you’ll go. 

    *****

    Look back on her life: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Baptism. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Of course, you can read more about her birth, adoption story, and early life in my book, “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family” too.