• Riding shotgun with Ben

    ByKristin Ben, motherhood

    Sixteen. What a milestone! Happy birthday, Ben! 

    This boy has kept me on my toes since the day he was born, but he’s also shown me the world from a different perspective, taught me so much, and helped deepen my relationship with Jesus. I’m truly grateful for his life and being here together. 

    There are things about Ben’s story I really want to share, but mental health is such a personal journey that I’m holding those details close to my heart. Of all the 16 years, the past few years have specifically been quite a journey, but I know we’ve come out stronger and closer together. And I’m excited about the story I believe God is going to continue writing in my boy’s life. 

    Ben loves golf, his dog, Red Bull, riding the four-wheeler, and driving his 2017 Dodge Ram 1500. That’s right, my boy has a truck. If you’ve been around him the last few weeks, I’m sure you’ve heard about it! He’s a pretty good driver, and I’m to the point I make grocery orders, respond to texts, and add things to my calendar while I’m riding shotgun. He can’t get his license until at least April, so I’ll just make myself comfortable in that passenger seat. He prefers work over school, loves playing Clash Royale, and is a good friend to many people of all ages. 

    Ben’s life is a gift to our family and so many others. I pray he continues to see that and trust that God has good, good plans for him. We celebrated his 16th birthday this weekend with friends and family at Top Golf and Putt Shack. Fore! Here’s to another year of knowing and loving my boy. 

    Happy birthday, Ben! You make me laugh, challenge my first-born ways, and bless so many. I hope you continue to draw near to God and trust what He has for you from here. 

    ***** 

    Look back on my boy’s life: 1 year old. 2 years old. 3 years old. 4 years old. 5 years old. 6 years old. 7 years old. 8 years old. 9 years old. 10 years old. 11 years old. 12 years old. 13 years old. 14 years old. 15 years old. I share more of Ben’s adoption story in my book “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family,” which is available on Amazon.

    God authors the stories on our porches – in every season. If you haven’t already, please subscribe to  #PorchStories emails to receive them about every other week.

  • Hello, 15!

    ByKristin Ben, motherhood
    2 Comments

    Happy birthday to my boy! 

    “I won’t pretend / That we can control the night / Or what kind of road we’re on / Or where we will see the light / But right now I’m talking to ya / I’m looking into your eyes / Right now I’m trying to show ya / That we’re gonna be alright …”

    Fifteen doesn’t seem like a big deal nestled between becoming a teenager and learning to drive a vehicle on the actual road, but somehow fifteen still seems monumental. And, honestly, I’m glad to move on from the last year when a perfect storm of ADHD, medicine side effects, hormones, identity struggles complicated by adoption, and general middle school woes hung around my boy’s life.

    “… Oh, I don’t know / What’s around the bend / Oh, all I know / Is that my love / It knows no end …”

    I love birthdays. I love marking time and growth and possibilities. But I don’t know that Ben loves birthdays as much as I do, which, honestly, has been a hard realization for me to have. But it’s also okay. 

    The parenting advice is loud these days, but I really do agree with one piece I’ve heard throughout the years: Become an expert in your kids. Understand their personalities. Recognize their strengths. Pray for their weaknesses. Create boundaries that make sense for them.

    Doing that this year with my middle boy has been a whole study of its own, but I’m so grateful for how far he’s come. And, honestly, me too. I’ve grown as a person because I get to be Ben’s mom. And isn’t that really how life is supposed to be?

    Even deciding on how to celebrate his 15th birthday was a whole endeavor. I threw out several birthday options: A big ‘ole party. An outing to an escape room with friends. Dinner with friends. Camping out with some guys. Going somewhere else with some guys. He decided on a low-key day with his family. We went shopping in Paducah and enjoyed hibachi for dinner. My alarm went off at 2:56 pm while we were checking out at Academy Sports so we could celebrate the moment this boy came into the world.

    “… All these pieces, they fall in line / Because I’m forever on your side / Take my hand when you can’t see the light / ‘Cause I’m forever on your side / I will carry you every time / ‘Cause I’m forever on your side …”

    I told some friends recently how I love seeing Ben’s gifts come out in ordinary life. He thrives with a job or task. He’s so good with younger kids – funny yet responsible. He’s quick to put something together, handle technical difficulties, and volunteer to help a teacher. He’s filming the varsity girls’ basketball this season, which is a good role for him because he will be there anyway with his dad coaching, his sister playing, and his mom being the accidental athletic director. He loves Red Bull (which I let him have about twice a year), pestering his younger sister, and his dog Balto. 

    Life with Ben hasn’t necessarily been what I expected as his mom, but God has been there both in the midst of the surprises and the ordinary days. We’ve grown and changed and settled into where we’re created to be. 

    “… They’ll beat you up / But don’t let ’em keep you down / ‘Cause you’re always tough enough / And I’ll always be around …”

    Happy birthday to the boy who keeps me on my toes, finally likes to sleep in, and is generally up for whatever adventure comes our way. I truly wouldn’t be the same without you, Benjamin Lucas. I’m forever on your side – and I’m thankful God is with us both. 

    *****

    The song quoted throughout and linked in the last paragraph is “I’m Forever On Your Side” by Needtobreathe and has been part of the soundtrack of motherhood for me, especially this past year. I share more of Ben’s story in my book “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family,” which is available on Amazon.

    Look back on my boy’s life: 1 year old. 2 years old. 3 years old. 4 years old. 5 years old. 6 years old. 7 years old. 8 years old. 9 years old. 10 years old. 11 years old. 12 years old. 13 years old. 14 years old. 

  • A boy and his dog

    ByKristin Ben, pets
    4 Comments

    On my 45th birthday, I decided we should get my teenage son a dog. 

    If you’ve known me for any amount of time, then you may have just re-read that sentence. I know, I’m not a pet person. Except we currently have two cats, four kittens, and a dog living at (sometimes in …) our house. So, perhaps I’m just a picky pet person. (Yet these kittens taught me things in their first two weeks of life.)

    But, now, please allow me to introduce you to Balto. 

    We adopted Balto from the Christian County Animal Shelter, although Balto maybe actually adopted Ben. It was a sweet connection as we walked the aisle of the many barking pups. Balto is a 5-year-old husky/lab mix. He’s calm and friendly – and doesn’t really even bark. 

    Turns out Balto’s previous owner surrendered him to the shelter because they couldn’t afford him any longer. (Sad!) But also (!!!) the day they surrendered him was the same day we decided to get Ben a dog. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! We adopted Balto 11 days later when we went to the shelter with our eyes on another dog we had seen on Facebook. Seems meant to be. 

    Yes, he came with the name Balto. Yes, we’ve already rented and watched the Disney movie about the same-named dog. (It’s actually based on a really interesting, true story!)

    Side note: I unexpectedly got a new Pacifica when mine overheated and had more damage than was worth fixing. The day after we bought the new minivan is when I took my son out of school a few hours early to see about adopting a dog. Spoiler: We got the dog and I had to let him ride in my new-to-me vehicle. The new-to-us dog wasn’t sure where to sit or what to do in the new-to-me van, so he moved around a lot, as evidenced by the dog hair that was literally all over the Pacifica. 

    Here’s where you note: I really love my son. 

    I also really love this random reusable pet hair remover my husband randomly bought in the Walmart clearance aisle. He’s not really a pet person either, but he’s definitely a deals person. 

    Balto really loves people food, swimming in the pond, long walks, and attention. 

    Even though I continue to maintain I’m not a pet person, I have become a mom who thinks of things we can do that the dog can also do. I’ve walked Balto at the soccer fields, figured out how to contain him to the third row of my still-new-to-me minivan with a piece of crate gate, Googled what human foods he can eat, brought Balto along to the drive-in movie, and suggested we go on a 2.2-mile hike with three kids and a dog. 

    Balto has a crate in Ben’s room, but he often sleeps IN THE BED WITH BEN. They’re best friends, true companions, which was certainly the goal of me deciding on my birthday to get my boy a dog. 

    Anything for my favorite dog, well, really the only dog I like, and my favorite son. (Don’t tell them I wish we’d thought of it sooner!)

    *****

    This is the second in an unplanned series about pets. (Here’s the first: Life Lessons from Kittens.) Perhaps I’m on my way to becoming a pet blogger!