Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

Fostering a family commitment

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Today’s the second in this month’s Better Together Foster Care Series. Please welcome Bethany to the virtual porch today. She’s an acquaintance of mine through a high school friend of mine. We’ve connected over adoption and scrapbooking, and I have no doubt we’d have a great time hanging out in person. I’m grateful Bethany was willing to share because she has a unique story about what foster care looks like in her big family.

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Our family’s recent foster care experience started in a later part of life. My husband and I are in our 40s, have been married twenty years, and have six children and two dogs. We were done with babies and looking toward retirement – okay, maybe not yet, but definitely looking toward traveling more, dating each other more, and relaxing more!

This was our third run at foster care: I first fostered as a single young adult. After the birth of our first three children and adopting two from Ethiopia, we again fostered. That time we fostered infants of domestic adoption, keeping them a few months until they could leave the state. Around this time, we also worked with a maternity home and cared for several children independently from an agency. We were introduced to a single dad who needed help and cared for his daughter for months.

Then we had a surprise pregnancy at an “older” age and decided that was it for us! We were busy! Each child participated in multiple sports and activities. One was leaving for the military. We were in a place where most of the children were old enough to stay home alone. We had hit a sweet spot in this parenting gig.

When that youngest son was six years old, I received a random call from a friend who said, “Do you want a baby?” After a crazy whirlwind of events, a week later a little girl was dropped off to us on her first birthday in January 2019. This was supposed to be a one-month “babysitting” arrangement.

We soon learned her dad had not entered a treatment facility and it was going to be a much longer arrangement once the state became involved. We cared for her from January until September, when she officially became a foster placement. She is still in our home flourishing!

We have an amazing relationship with her paternal family and I know this is a unique scenario for a foster child, but she has been so blessed by this.

The real heroes of this journey have been my older six children. We all know that it is indeed a family commitment to foster. With my children being older (ages 7, 11, 13, 14, 16, and 18 at the time), they definitely had a say in the matter. They all agreed unanimously to bring her into our home, but it did not stop there! My youngest happily gave up his own bedroom for her. The other two brothers were happy to let little brother bunk with them! My teen girls were the first to help with baths and diaper changes. They all fought (seriously!) to fill up her cup or buckle her in the car seat. They were all okay for me to tend to her during homeschool time and would wait patiently for me to return.

My youngest son gave up his spot as the baby of the family after 6½ years! My oldest son who was 18 when she arrived played “Baby Shark” for her on his headphones and would fly her in the air until his arms were shaking! The teens had to turn down their music. I couldn’t drive the teens and their friends everywhere like I always had. We had to cancel some out of town trips because she could not leave the state for a while. One daughter had me search for a bike trailer so she could bike with her in the neighborhood. They take turns holding her in the pool and following her on the playground. And 17 months later, I’ve yet to hear a complaint!

I just stand so in awe of children and their willingness to love on and welcome new children – and even more so their reluctancy to be jealous. Notice I do not say I am in awe of MY children. I can name countless families who have fostered or adopted and all the “original” children love the opportunity to accept new children into their homes. Many times we hear from people who say they would foster but they are afraid their children would get attached. Well, I can promise they will!

I can tell our lives all been changed by this little girl, no matter how long she stays or how soon she goes. My children have blown me away with their selflessness, patience, kindness, and love during the past year. I honestly could not have taken her on without their endless help and commitment every single day. So regardless of how our journey ends this time, I know we have all benefitted from taking a call that rocked our comfortable life!

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Bethany lives in Louisville, Kentucky, with her husband of 20 years. She enjoys scrapbooking and visits to the beach.

The care of a village

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With Mother’s Day happening this weekend, I’m excited to introduce a series about being better together in honor of Foster Care Awareness Month. When I asked for volunteers from our Adoption Together group, I loved seeing my friend Hailey be quick to want to share a piece of her story with y’all. She’s one of those friends I adore but don’t get to see enough of in everyday life. Welcome her to the porch today!

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They say it takes a village – and oh what a village the foster care system can bring about you.

When we signed up to foster and committed to the many hours of trainings and stacks of paperwork, we did not go around and ask our friends and family to foster with us. As our foster journey began, it was the village who prayed for us. It was the village who put together a surprise shower to help us have a supply of items ready when we got a call for a placement. It was the village who showed up on those nights we found out we had kids coming to stay in our home and we needed to redo the room setups quickly. It was the village who sent money to help get clothes for kids. It was the village who dropped food off in the midst of the crazy season of transition. It was the village who called and sent a text, who listened to our hearts, our hurt, our anger, and our frustration. It was the village who stepped in and loved whatever kids that entered our home with the love of Jesus. It was the village who offered to keep the kids for a little while so we could take a breather. It was the village who called us over for playdates. It was the village who helped shuffle kids from place to place.

We have been foster parents for more than two years but started this journey three years ago. We have fostered infants to teenagers. During this time, we have walked through some of our darkest days and yet God has still shown us how faithful He is. We aren’t foster parents, or biological parents, or adoptive parents. We are just parents trying to love the kids God has given us in the best way we know how.

Our village isn’t a thing of the past. It is actually still very real and very alive, surrounding us and supporting us in the highs and lows of the fostering journey. This village is the real deal. These people are the cheerleaders. They are the shoulders to cry on. They are the prayer warriors.

When you are a foster parent, you will learn sometimes the ones you thought would be key people in your village won’t be. You will also quickly see how God brings in new people to your village you might not have known otherwise.

The foster care system is made up of many people and sometimes the path isn’t clear. There are so many heroes in these stories, but I can’t help but feel the village may just have the biggest impact. They didn’t sign up for this, but they stepped up and showed up in a mighty way. That is love. That is a village. What a blessing our village is, to us, and to every kid who enters our home.

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Hailey Roach has been married to her high school sweetheart, Jordan, for the five years. They live in western Kentucky on Hailily Farms, the place where many wonderful dreams are being fostered. She’s an elementary special education teacher and he is the preacher at a local church in our sweet little town.

She’s a teenager!

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Happy THIRTEENTH birthday, Catherine Anna! How is that even possible? You made me a mom, and, in so many ways, we’ve grown up together.

I know you want to take some friends to an escape room and the mall to celebrate, but we obviously can’t do that right now in these social-distancing days. We’re going to make you grilled chicken, baked potatoes, squash and zucchini, and chocolate cake tonight. And we’ll keep on celebrating your precious life.

You finish seventh grade in two days. It’s been a great school year that got interrupted when we started non-traditional instruction days almost two months ago. But you’ve thrived anyway. You’ve learned alongside your school friends on Google Hangouts and Google Classroom. You’ve loved having some expanded access to technology at home and keep up with your friends that way.

You bravely started playing basketball this past winter. We pushed you a tiny bit to play on the school team when you expressed interest, but that’s all it took for you to go all in. You were part of your school’s first-ever middle school girls’ basketball team, which won some games and got beat by 30 in other games. I am incredibly proud of how you tried something new, got out on that court in front of a crowd, and had a great attitude regardless of the score. You improved with each practice and game, but, most importantly, I saw you belong on a team and find some common ground with your brother. I love watching you love something, and seeing that overflow into other parts of your life. You create art with basketballs on it. The dynamic in your small middle school class shifted as several of you and your friends bonded over your new sport love.

You’re an awesome big sister. You help mother Ben and Rachel — even when they don’t like it. I trust you to do what you say you’re going to do. You care about our family and how everyone fits together. You’re fun to play board games with, even if you regularly beat me in Splendor. With all this time at home lately, I’ve enjoyed watching musical reality shows with you. We’re making our way through The Voice, Songland, and The Masked Singer. Of course, I love watching and talking Survivor with you too.

Your faith is quiet but steady. You’re a reliable daughter, sister, and friend. You have lots of ideas — and most don’t revolve around keeping your room organized! But you are quick to help me make dinner or ask what you can do to help. I don’t understand your love of Crocs, scrunchies, or distressed jeans, but I’m obviously not as cool as you.

I love who you are, Cate. You’re easy to parent and a joy to be around. Just don’t be so hard on yourself.

Love, Mom

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Look back on Cate’s life through other letters and birthday posts: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Baptism. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.