Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

Reflections on living & dying

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I knew I wanted to gather some old friends to celebrate my 40th birthday. Four dear friends (and three of their husbands and kids) joined my family at my lake house for the first weekend of May. They brought gifts, memories, and all the food we needed to feed our party of 23 people.

Jaclyn, Sarah, Katie, and Bekah hadn’t all met before, but I have histories with them that span decades, literally. Some of our stories have overlapped, but I knew this was the right group of people to gather together.

Starting in 1990, Katie was my next-door-neighbor-turned-best-friend for all of middle and high school and we remain friends across the state who wish we were neighbors. Bekah and I also were friends in middle and high school. We swam together, she introduced me to country music, and we continue to gather at Christmastime and other times we have extra time when we’re visiting my mom in Louisville. (Fun side note: I encouraged her and her now-husband to date, so they blame me and thank me in the same breath. I’ve actually known her husband Barrett longer than anyone who was at my lake house that weekend!)

Jaclyn and I met in college and had intersecting friends starting in the fall of 1998. We actually got closer after college, got married the same summer, walked through infertility and all the early days of motherhood literally together, and now miss each other if we go too many days without hanging out. Our husbands and kids are tight too. Sarah walked into our church in May 2009, pregnant with Davey who would become my Ben’s first friend, and we’ve basically been friends since. She’s since moved four hours away, but we have an ongoing, never-ending text conversation that brings me so much joy.

Jaclyn and Katie put together a book of blessings and memories from all kinds of people in my life. Jaclyn gave me other goodies and helped organize the whole weekend. Sarah gave me a felt letter board with a sweet message already displayed. (The quote is a reference from a book about friendship by Melanie Shankle that Jaclyn, Sarah, and I like to quote to each other.) Katie made me a T-shaped shelf that’s already hanging on my wall. Bekah bought my dinner when us girls went out for Mexican food one of the night’s together.

Our boys fished and caught enough bluegill and catfish to feed us lunch on Sunday. The older girls made friendship bracelets, had a sleepover in the basement one night, and helped us keep track of the little girls. We went on some boat rides, laughed at memories, told back stories, and ate well.

My soul was so filled with these
new memories with old friends.

The celebrating continued on Monday when some of my friends I know from my kids’ school gathered for breakfast together. It was such a sweet way to begin the new week celebrating some more. Forty certainly had me reflective and craving all the quality time with people I love.

I wanted to celebrate with my people, but God knew I would need to be filled to the brim with love and support as the week continued. God saw beyond my 40th birthday.

My dad went into cardiac arrest the evening of May 7 – four days after I turned 40, one day after Cate turned 12, and five days before Mother’s Day. He passed away about 35 hours later, on Thursday, May 9. (Here’s his obituary.)

He had been without oxygen three different times – for an undetermined amount of time when he went into cardiac arrest, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, and again in the emergency room. His body never recovered and I watched him stop breathing while hooked to a ventilator and lots of medicines in an Indianapolis hospital.

I haven’t written much about my dad here because our relationship was complicated. For years, I’ve grieved not having the kind of relationship I wish we had. My dad and how I’ve long longed for his approval and attention were the subjects of conversations in counseling. I’d forgiven him and tried to share my life with him, even from a distance.

Regardless of the complications, he was my dad. Right after I was filled from my birthday, I found myself unexpectedly grieving. As Dad was unresponsive in the hospital bed, I learned things about his life in Indianapolis I didn’t know. Even my grief has been complicated and in the days since his death, I’ve found myself beneath a cloud of emotions.

With three kids, the end of the school year, and my everyday life here, I have been able to step out from beneath the cloud, but then when I’m not distracted anymore, it’s still there. Grief is tricky. And I’m so grateful I was filled to the brim with love and support before I had to begin to navigate my dad’s death.

I have questions I wish I could ask him. I want to hold onto hope for a little longer. I remember him as an innovative educator who created an environment at an elementary school for most of my childhood and then a middle school just a little farther down the road that teachers, parents, and students loved. He excelled in his profession.

Three of the friends who gathered at my lake house knew my dad. We had actually talked about some childhood memories involving him just days before he died. Looking back even a couple of weeks, God was preparing me. I didn’t realize it then, obviously, but, for as unexpected as the timing was, I also found comfort in his death being sandwiched between so much life.

A dozen years old

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In a dozen years of motherhood, I’m always surprised the milestones that get me. The usual ones – like losing her first tooth or sending her to kindergarten – haven’t really been the ones that make me teary. Cate turns 12 today, and it’s making me all kinds of nostalgic.

On the heels of my own 40th birthday, I’m just feeling extra mushy about my oldest turning a dozen years as she finishes sixth grade in NINE MORE school days. I say NINE MORE with much rejoicing. It’s been a good year, but we’re ready for Summer Break. No surprise there, I know.

Cate is a typical first-born girl in so many ways. She thinks about all the details, makes plans, and worries about what could happen. I see myself in her – which is both beautiful and frightening. This girl made me a momma 12 years ago and her adoption story has been pivotal in my faith journey.

I’m grateful we got to spend two days with her classmates in Frankfort last month. That time with just her in the car and the hotel room were a gift to my momma soul. She’s such a good friend and sister, although I’m often praying for her and Ben to focus on their common ground and not their differences. She thinks her brother and dad are loud (which they are sometimes) and she is like a second mother to Rachel, who is eight years younger. She’s clever and caring.

Happy birthday, sweet Cate. Some days I want to freeze time and other days I can’t see what to see what God does in you and through you.

*****

In honor of Cate’s 12 birthday, I thought I’d share 12 things about her:

1. She likes to stay up late and sleep in.

2. I thought I would be the mom who reads all the books before her kids did. Nope. Cate reads faster than anyone I know and remembers all the details.

3. She plays the piano, likes to ride horses, and jumps on the trampoline often.

4. Her birthday dinner of choice tonight is happening in my kitchen: Little cheesy meatloaves, homemade mac & cheese, roasted broccoli, crescent rolls, and Heath cake.

5. We’re going to celebrate her more this weekend – with a Harry Potter birthday party.

6. She’s thrilled we’re also going to Universal Studios in October because that’s where Harry Potter World is.

7. “Survivor” and “The Voice” are shows we watch together and I know she likes that time without her siblings.

8. She’ll craft anything – make slime, paint, sew, draw, write stories, and this past weekend she learned to make friendship bracelets.

9. She’s had braces on for about a year and a half and it’s amazing to see how her teeth have moved.

10. This year she claims history and drama as her favorite school subjects.

11. She’s passed me in shoe size. (She wears a size 9 now.)

12. She likes the color purple, sparkly things, and accessories.

40 things for my 40th birthday

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I’ve thought much about my 40th birthday. Those thoughts have mostly been reflective, led me down a path of nostalgia, and didn’t really even lead to me anything concrete. Greg and I celebrated life between our 40th birthdays this past fall. (Listen, it was a good excuse for a trip, right?)

So, anyway, here we are. Forty years. It seems like a worthwhile milestone. If you were on my porch, I’d offer you a piece of whatever birthday dessert I end up with, and we could talk about these things, things I’m thankful for, things that mark my life right now, things I’m remembering. There’s no particular order because rambling conversations are real life.

1. I’m really looking forward to going to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin in a few weeks. Jockey Being Family invited us to be one of the adoptive families recognized at its annual gala. We met the JBF folks in DC and I love how they support and encourage families created through adoptions. (Here’s more on that.)

2. I’m a summer girl. I don’t love sweating, but I love the pace of the season, being at the pool, and the longer days.

3. God’s taught me the value of seasons, though — both the ones on the calendar and the ones in our souls.

4. I make decisions fairly quickly. So does my husband.

5. I’m 64% extroverted, he’s 99% extroverted.

6. I like to analyze our personalities way more than he does.

7. Greg and I have been married for going-on 17 years. Most of the time we feel comfortable speaking for each other.

8. The first years of marriage were hard for me. We didn’t understand how to smoothly merge expectations, traditions, and assumptions. I was diagnosed with diabetes in January 2004, after almost 18 months into marriage, and that rocked our world for a while.

9. I wear an insulin pump and have since September 2011. I was nervous about always having it on me, but my doctor at the time said I would regret not replacing the shots sooner. My doctor was right.

10. I have a new diabetes doctor, an endocrinologist, who I adore. He’s from Guatemala and works in Madisonville, which is about an hour and a half away from me. I always learn something that has nothing to do with my pancreas when I’m in his office a couple of times each year. (I wrote about my doctor here because benches, or even doctor’s offices, can become sacred spaces.)

11. Turning 40 did prompt me to get a local primary care doctor.

12. I like going to the dentist. So do my kids.

13. I don’t really like exercising. I tried to like running twice in my life — once in middle school on the track team and several years ago as an adult.

14. When my two big kids were little, I was in a stroller exercise class and I loved it. We met at the park, walked and ran with our strollers, did stretches and using our stroller and park benches, and other cardio things with our babies nearby.

15. I do like to walk and talk with friends. Sometimes I will walk on my treadmill and read.

16. Giving and receiving experiences as gifts is my favorite.

17. Gift giving used to be my love language but as I’ve gotten older I’ve cared more about quality time. (I recently shared about that.)

18. I like medical TV shows, but I cover my eyes regularly when I watch “New Amsterdam,” “The Resident,” and “Grey’s Anatomy.”

19. I’ve never mowed the grass.

20. I made a turkey for Friendsgiving once. And I hope I never have to make it again.

21. But Friendsgiving is a favorite tradition. We’re going a decade strong. I hope it never ends.

22. Also Greg has shot some turkeys that are in my freezer. So I guess I need to fry those. Or he can deal with them in his new smoker.

23. I like to bake deer steaks. And my kids like to eat them.

24. I also learned how to cook steaks from cows in my oven. It’s easy and delicious.

25. I sound like a country girl. Maybe after living in the country on 100+ acres where I can’t see my neighbors, I am a little bit country.

26. I know for certain I’m a pool girl.

27. But I like to be at the ocean too. Although I’d rather swim in a pool.

28. Swimming was the only organized sport I’ve ever played.

29. I’m surprised by how much I liked our Disney World trip in 2014. Then we went on Disney Cruises in 2016 and 2018. We’re headed back to Disney World in October.

30. I like to travel — even with kids. Sure, it’s stressful sometimes, but we’re all better for it.

31. I like to be home too.

32. Being a lifeguard was my first job when I was 16.

33. I can’t believe 16-year-old kids are given life-saving jobs.

34. I did have to jump in from the lifeguard stand and help a boy to the side. He was more cared than drowning. But he shouldn’t have gone off the diving board.

35. Yes, I know. My 3-year-old girl goes off the divining board. I supervise; she’s part fish. And I’m not 16 anymore.

36. My first car was a two-door, hatchback 1987 Ford Mustang.

37. Until the 2018 Chrysler Pacifica I drive now, my favorite car I’d owned was the 1996 (?) Geo Prizm.

38. I don’t know how to drive a stick shift.

39. During pre-martial counseling, we did an assignment that had a list of chores and tasks and Greg and I individually said whether that was typically a husband’s or wife’s or shared responsibility. Driving was one of the tasks. I said shared; Greg said husband’s, which is actually what I wanted to put. Greg almost always drives when we’re together.

40. I’m happy to be turning 40. My 30s were my favorite decade yet, but I think there’s potential for even more adventures and joys in this decade.

*****

I’m celebrating with a fun giveaway on Instagram, so be sure to check that out before it ends Sunday night. {GIVEAWAY HERE!}