Kristin

Fostering a community that stays

May 19, 2020 by Kristin Leave a Comment

Today’s the fourth in a series about being better together in honor of Foster Care Awareness Month. I’ve glad to have Addison Futrell here today. We’ve crossed paths in our small town through mutual friends and I love how she considers foster care a community endeavor.

If you missed the earlier posts, I encourage you to read about how Hailey’s village has helped her as her family grew through foster care, how Bethany’s older kids specifically embraced her family’s journey into fostering, and how we can all serve foster families.

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I began to see the needs in the foster care system through my involvement with our church’s youth group. I was teaching high school and middle school girls in Sunday school and regularly had three to five foster kids in the class. The Lord began to open my eyes to specific biases I held about foster care prior to even knowing any foster kiddos personally! I realized “Hey, these kids really are just regular kids.”

Slowly God started to put the burden on my heart to walk down the road of discovering more and more about foster care. Surprisingly, everyone I asked who was immersed in the foster care world was very supportive and encouraged me about the next steps for my husband, Bailey, and me.

At first, Bailey was very hesitant about the idea of becoming foster parents. With some persistence on my part and God softening Bailey’s heart to the idea, he agreed to go to the first informal information meeting that is no strings attached. For anyone remotely interested in foster care, I would highly recommend going to a meeting like this. It opened our eyes to the great needs of the children in care and what is actually expected of foster parents. It was very convicting but also encouraged us as current non-parents. We were assured we would have the tools and community given to us to help us succeed as loving caretakers for these children that need love so desperately.

Coming into foster care without biological children was a whirlwind. We had to jump headfirst into every resource because we did not own any children’s toys, clothes, or beds. We were given excellent training through the state on parenting, trauma, sexual abuse, and so many other topics. Also, we had the most supportive family and friends helping us combat every fear, insecurity, and uncertainty we faced along the way. Our social worker gave us a packet filled with foster closet resources to help us get any items imaginable for any placement we would eventually get. We were given a set of bunk beds by a friend of a friend in our church. The community to launch us off was insane. We felt so prepared and terrified at the same time.

The community didn’t just launch us off into the world of foster care, this group of people also stuck around for the messy parts too. They were the first ones there with meals, toys, and lunch boxes when our family grew with an hour’s notice. This community was also there when we were given an hour’s notice the kids we loved so much were unexpectedly going home. Our family helped us through the emotional part of packing the kid’s stuff. Our friends gathered and said emotional goodbyes and we were once again floored by the community and how these people were just as much a part of this journey as we were, if not more.

Community is a must in the foster care world. Our community also includes resources such as The Moses Basket, Partners in Care Foster Closet, neighbors, our church small groups, and the list goes on and on. This community is my favorite part of foster care. As cliché as the statement may be, it truly takes a village to support, love, and bridge the gap for these kids.

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Addison and her husband, Bailey, have been fostering a little more than a year. Some days she’s got a carload of kids blaring Kids Bop and some days her family grows only for the weekend.

Six ways to help foster families

May 15, 2020 by Kristin Leave a Comment

Most people know I became a mom through adoption – three times. A couple of hard years of infertility is how God led Greg and me to adoption. We had no idea what we were getting into, but once we were there, we knew that’s where we were supposed to be.

Adoption wasn’t our Plan B, but infertility was the heartache God used to get our attention. Obviously, not everyone is called to adoption or foster care. But God does call his followers to care for the fatherless and orphans.

If when we – as believers – claim to be pro-life, we have to do more than protest abortion. We don’t have to adopt or foster, but we do have to serve children who need love and moms who are choosing life. And some of those children and mommas are in the trenches of the foster system. Sometimes caring for orphans does mean growing your family through adoption or foster care, but many times it looks like helping families who are walking through these processes.

1. Show up with a meal.

Any time a regular routine is interrupted – even with something happy like new life – it’s hard to get to the grocery, plan meals, and prepare meals. And whatever you bring doesn’t have to be gourmet. Go to the local BBQ restaurant and get enough meat and sides to provide a few meals to the family adjusting to its new normal. Have a pizza delivered to them. Double whatever you’re making for your own family.

2. Offer specific help.

Think about this family’s life and offer to do something specific – go to the grocery, do laundry, sit with the baby so momma can shower, or mow the lawn. Texts that say “Let me know what I can do” are well-intentioned, but saying “I’m at the grocery store, what I can I get you?” are more practical.

3. Provide care or rides for children.

With the foster system come many appointments (pediatrician checkups, visitation with bio family, extracurricular activities, etc.) the family doesn’t have much control over. If you know a family who is fostering, offer to help with any other kids in the home or be willing to transport kids to appointments.

4. Be on call to get supplies.

Foster situations often happen with little time to spare. If you know someone who suddenly has a new child in the home, offer to run to Walmart to get diapers, formula, clothes, activities, or whatever else that child may need. Children often come into foster homes with almost nothing. If you’re local to the Murray, KY area, we have a foster care closet where foster families can get free clothes and other supplies for their children. Please feel free to refer people to Partners in Care Foster Closet.

5. Let parents give gifts.

Foster children have a lot of people in and out of their lives. So, if you have something special to give a child, let the parents do that for bonding purposes. Depending on your relationship with the family, you may get a chance to bond with the child too, but give that time.

6. Understand you may not understand.

Even if you weren’t called to foster, your friend was. Be a listening ear and be there for whatever practical support is necessary, but don’t judge the way she’s bonding with a child that may not be in her home forever. This child needs love – and with that comes attachment. Yes, it’s hard. But God doesn’t promise he’ll call us only to easy things. He calls us to sanctify us – and that usually means doing something hard. In fostering, there are emotional challenges as well as the complications that come with a flawed system.

Serving foster families in these ways – or other ways that make sense for the people in your life – then you’re living out James 1:27. And my guess is you’ll get a whole new perspective that draws you nearer to God.

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This is the third in this month’s ongoing series on being better together in honor of Foster Care Awareness Month. If you missed the earlier posts, I encourage you to read about how Hailey’s village has helped her as her family grew through foster care and how Bethany’s older kids specifically embraced her family’s journey into fostering.

Fostering a family commitment

May 12, 2020 by Kristin 2 Comments

Today’s the second in this month’s Better Together Foster Care Series. Please welcome Bethany to the virtual porch today. She’s an acquaintance of mine through a high school friend of mine. We’ve connected over adoption and scrapbooking, and I have no doubt we’d have a great time hanging out in person. I’m grateful Bethany was willing to share because she has a unique story about what foster care looks like in her big family.

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Our family’s recent foster care experience started in a later part of life. My husband and I are in our 40s, have been married twenty years, and have six children and two dogs. We were done with babies and looking toward retirement – okay, maybe not yet, but definitely looking toward traveling more, dating each other more, and relaxing more!

This was our third run at foster care: I first fostered as a single young adult. After the birth of our first three children and adopting two from Ethiopia, we again fostered. That time we fostered infants of domestic adoption, keeping them a few months until they could leave the state. Around this time, we also worked with a maternity home and cared for several children independently from an agency. We were introduced to a single dad who needed help and cared for his daughter for months.

Then we had a surprise pregnancy at an “older” age and decided that was it for us! We were busy! Each child participated in multiple sports and activities. One was leaving for the military. We were in a place where most of the children were old enough to stay home alone. We had hit a sweet spot in this parenting gig.

When that youngest son was six years old, I received a random call from a friend who said, “Do you want a baby?” After a crazy whirlwind of events, a week later a little girl was dropped off to us on her first birthday in January 2019. This was supposed to be a one-month “babysitting” arrangement.

We soon learned her dad had not entered a treatment facility and it was going to be a much longer arrangement once the state became involved. We cared for her from January until September, when she officially became a foster placement. She is still in our home flourishing!

We have an amazing relationship with her paternal family and I know this is a unique scenario for a foster child, but she has been so blessed by this.

The real heroes of this journey have been my older six children. We all know that it is indeed a family commitment to foster. With my children being older (ages 7, 11, 13, 14, 16, and 18 at the time), they definitely had a say in the matter. They all agreed unanimously to bring her into our home, but it did not stop there! My youngest happily gave up his own bedroom for her. The other two brothers were happy to let little brother bunk with them! My teen girls were the first to help with baths and diaper changes. They all fought (seriously!) to fill up her cup or buckle her in the car seat. They were all okay for me to tend to her during homeschool time and would wait patiently for me to return.

My youngest son gave up his spot as the baby of the family after 6½ years! My oldest son who was 18 when she arrived played “Baby Shark” for her on his headphones and would fly her in the air until his arms were shaking! The teens had to turn down their music. I couldn’t drive the teens and their friends everywhere like I always had. We had to cancel some out of town trips because she could not leave the state for a while. One daughter had me search for a bike trailer so she could bike with her in the neighborhood. They take turns holding her in the pool and following her on the playground. And 17 months later, I’ve yet to hear a complaint!

I just stand so in awe of children and their willingness to love on and welcome new children – and even more so their reluctancy to be jealous. Notice I do not say I am in awe of MY children. I can name countless families who have fostered or adopted and all the “original” children love the opportunity to accept new children into their homes. Many times we hear from people who say they would foster but they are afraid their children would get attached. Well, I can promise they will!

I can tell our lives all been changed by this little girl, no matter how long she stays or how soon she goes. My children have blown me away with their selflessness, patience, kindness, and love during the past year. I honestly could not have taken her on without their endless help and commitment every single day. So regardless of how our journey ends this time, I know we have all benefitted from taking a call that rocked our comfortable life!

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Bethany lives in Louisville, Kentucky, with her husband of 20 years. She enjoys scrapbooking and visits to the beach.