How to handle traditions changing
Decorating for the holidays, giving gifts, hosting parties, and celebrating milestone moments are wonderful traditions that often happen regularly as Thanksgiving and Christmas. Birthdays and other celebrations are also part of a regular year.
But what happens when traditions change?
During the past few years, I’ve grieved several changing traditions as relationships with family and friends have changed and circumstances have altered our calendar. I know it’s part of life, but I still don’t like it.
So, I thought I’d share what I’m telling myself because surely I’m not the only one experiencing this.
Maintain traditions that still work, even if they look different. For all the 23 Christmases that Greg and I have been married, I’ve written a Christmas letter in some form. This year, I changed it up, but kept a wordy update on the back of a family picture. Of course, people keep up with us via text, social media, and my website, but I this was a tradition that I love and wasn’t ready to dismiss from my life.
Start new traditions. For more than a decade, we had Friendsgiving with a group of friends that has grown apart. I totally miss it and wonder what to do with the tote of “Friendsgiving” supplies I keep in my garage. Regardless, maybe we can invite others over for another occasion this winter, such as New Year’s Eve, which is another holiday that has shifted for us over the years. Planning ahead usually helps implement new traditions and establish that time in someone’s life.
Remember the actual day doesn’t matter. Perhaps celebrating Christmas on the Saturday before Dec. 25 works best. Then embrace that. Realize the tradition matters because of the relationships and not the date.
Communicate. I’m trying to do better about when I’m thinking about someone to let them know, maybe just through a text. Same could be said for traditions. If you’re missing gathering with Aunt Judy, tell her. Maybe there’s a way to make a new tradition with Aunt Judy but she has to know that’s what you want!
Recognize the beauty in change. I know, change is hard, but it can also be so good. I’ve found with my teenagers that while life is different than when they were younger, there is more depth to our conversations and substance to our time together. Also, this year my 9-year-old girl decorated our tree almost entirely by herself. She asked for Christmas music, so I obliged on the Alexa and chatted with her while cleaning up nearby areas of our house.
Identify why a tradition matters to you. Was going on a tree hunt for a wild Christmas tree really about the family bonding time for me? Then maybe I need to figure out another way to accomplish this goal while changing up the method and putting up an artificial tree.
How have you adapted traditions throughout the years?
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In my book Bringing Home More Than Groceries: Stories About Gathering & Nourishing People, I share about how to open your home and heart to others in different seasons of life – and that certainly includes holidays or other special occasions.