Welcome Mary Carver to the porch today! She and I crossed paths on the internet years ago, intentionally interacted on the internet, and became real-life friends. She’s funny, always knows what I should watch on TV, and finds truth in unexpected places. Plus, she taught me the best way to cook bacon! She’s truly one of my favorite blessings from this blogger life and, if you don’t already, you should get to know her.
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Last summer I decided my daughters needed to have their pop culture horizons expanded. With the help of some googling (“top family movies from the 80s and 90s”), I made a list of all the movies I loved from childhood. Movies my brother, parents, and I had watched on VHS, over and over because Netflix wasn’t a thing; movies I could still quote to this day; movies I adored despite realizing, as an adult, that they weren’t actually that good.
Our favorites were “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” and “Flight of the Navigator.” Reviews were mixed for “The Princess Bride” (but don’t worry, I’ll win over that child with bad taste soon enough). Next up on our list are “The Mighty Ducks,” “Mrs. Doubtfire,” and “The Sandlot.” One movie I thought for sure would be a big hit – but was not – is “Night at the Museum.” In hindsight, I can see how it’s a bit intense for my girls, but I’m not giving up. In a year or so I know they’ll appreciate the slapstick humor, as well as Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson’s sarcastic banter.
Though it’s been several months since we attempted to watch that movie, one scene from the first few (less intense) minutes has stuck in my mind ever since. Ben Stiller’s character is a divorced dad who has a hard time holding down a regular job. But he’s a big dreamer and a hope holder, always certain something big, his big thing is just around the corner. His son is young but he’s heard this story enough times to be at least wary, if not jaded. When his dad admits he lost his job again and might have to move, but not to worry because his big moment is coming, his son asks tentatively: “What if you’re wrong … and you’re just an ordinary guy who should get a job?”
What if you’re wrong … and you’re just
an ordinary guy who should get a job?
Ouch.
I know well the sting of those words, of that doubt. Not because my child has uttered them – or because anyone has, actually. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t heard them loud and clear anyway.
Every time I fail.
Every time I’m passed over, ignored, rejected.
Every time I’m too afraid to try.
Every time I don’t follow through.
Every time I can’t get it together.
Every time, I wonder: “What if you’re wrong … and you’re just ordinary?” I stop believing that I’m anything special, that I’m valuable or capable, that anyone would choose me or appreciate me or love me. I look at the hard reality in front me, I face facts – and I ignore the promises I’ve received and the conviction I’ve been given. And I wonder if maybe I’m just ordinary.
Last week was one of those times. I’d had a rough day, but it wasn’t all that unusual. It was exactly the kind of won’t-cooperate, tripping-me-up, letting-me-down kind of Wednesday that just happens sometimes. In the span of just a few hours that afternoon, I returned a movie to Redbox an entire week late, yelled at my 10-year-old over spoons (as if that’s a reason to get all riled up), burned the bacon, left the dirty dishes on the table in an effort to leave our house on time, got in the car (late) to head to church and realized my sweater was covered in cat hair and my daughter’s hair looked as if it hadn’t been brushed in a month.
As I collapsed into my chair later that night I sighed deep and long. I know. My day hadn’t been that bad. Believe me, I’ve had worse. It was wearying and annoying, but nothing earth-shattering, for sure. It was…just ordinary.
Sitting there in the post-bedtime silence, one hand on the remote and the other holding my head, I heard it. As my eyelids drooped and my mind wandered, the words crept in.
What if you’re wrong? What if this is it?
What if you’re JUST ORDINARY?
I was tired. I was frustrated. In recent days I’d been so overwhelmed with the stuff of life that I hadn’t had energy left over for writing or ministry, for pursuing the dreams God has placed in my heart, for following the call I’ve heard for decades. And decades! I’d been trying to figure out how to live some big life, to leave some incredible legacy, to build something important or find something exciting for years and years. But here I was, nodding off in a flipping rocking chair at 8 o’clock. HOW OLD AM I? I thought. If I don’t have the energy to load the dishwasher or turn on Netflix, how will I ever muster the motivation to be amazing? To live amazing? To do amazing?
What if I was never meant to? What if…what if ordinary is all there is for me? What if ordinary is all I am?
Or … what if ordinary isn’t, actually, all that bad?
No, I don’t mean we should settle for boring lives that don’t leave an impact on anyone. I’m saying that perhaps “just ordinary” gets a bad rap – and maybe ordinary isn’t the enemy to greatness we’ve made it out to be. Perhaps…we need the days of ordinary to prepare us for the days of greatness.
Perhaps the ordinary is exactly how
we’re going to live big and do great.
Maybe it’s in the little things that we can develop tremendous faithfulness.
Maybe it’s in the everyday that we can spot opportunities to love and share and give.
Maybe it’s in the dry seasons that we can remember our thirst for Living Water.
Maybe it’s only then that we learn compassion for those who so desperately long for the Truth we know.
Maybe at the end of an ordinary day full of ordinary stuff, we can take a deep breath and remember it was just one day. But what a day it was! It was a testing ground, a learning opportunity, a time of rest and refreshment, a day full of the smallest gifts and victories, a foundation for whatever comes tomorrow.
What if you’re wrong? What if your ordinary is actually extraordinary?
How do you handle doubt that comes from “ordinary” days?
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Mary Carver is a wife, mom, and writer who lives for good books, dark chocolate, and television marathons but lives because of God’s grace. She’s a word nerd, a Jesus follower, and a big fan of YA novels, Mexican food, and pretty office supplies. You can get to know her all over the internet, including her blog, but my favorite place to find her is in her Facebook community The Couch {with Mary Carver}.
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I loved this post! Some very thought provoking questions for us all to ask ourselves today. Bet today will be anything but ordinary because I stopped here this morning 🙂
I love it too! I was so excited Mary shared it with us here.
Thanks, Joanna! I’m glad this was encouraging to you!
Very good post. Sharing on Twitter today!
Thanks for sharing, Sarah!
Thanks, Sarah!!
Hi Mary & Kristin!
I love when God meets us in the ordinary places! It shows us more of who He is. He’s not waiting for us to get it right, to figure it out, or to get all prettied up. He’s there in the everyday moments. The pony-tail, sweatpants days. The house is a mess and I yelled at my kids days. The fake smile at church and the holding back tears at the school assembly days. He’s there on the birth-days and the wedding days and the every day in between days. And I’m so incredibly grateful. He’s not waiting for us to figure it out. He steps right in and walks with us, rests with us, sits with us in the everyday!
All the in-between days, indeed! Thanks for being here, Becky!
Yes, me too – SO GLAD He’s not waiting for us to get it together!
I love knowing He’s right there with me on those ordinary days – well sometimes I’m a little embarrassed He’s there seeing my reactions sometimes on those ordinary days.
Great post!
Thanks for always showing up on the porch, Debbie!
Haha – TRUE. Remembering He’s with me does remind me to keep my reactions in check. (Well, sometimes!!!)
Oh, Mary, I’m clinging with all my heart and all my soul to the truth that God is glorified and well able to use my ordinary ways and my ordinary days.
After all, it’s only to us that good things appear either big or small.
Thanks, Kristin, for bringing Mary to the porch!
Michele, that’s such a good point that we’re the ones who rank things big and small. I’m glad you’re here!
Oh Michele, what a great point! Our ranking system is surely different than His!
Mary, THANK YOU for this beautiful and timely truth!
Needed to read this!
I believe you and I have recently crossed paths, as well! (Unless you have the same name as the gal I’ve been chatting with via email) lol
This was a great post! Thanks for sharing Kristin!
Mary is the best, Rachel! So I hope it’s the same person. 🙂 Thanks for being here!
Fancy seeing you here, Rachel! Yes, it’s the same person! 🙂 I love Kristin and the stories (and truth) she shares here; glad you’ve found her, too!
Good post. Signed, an ordinary girl who has a very extraordinary God!!!
So true about that extraordinary God of ours!
Thanks, Susan. So glad our extraordinary God loves us in all our ordinary ways!
Thank God for ordinary days! And thank you Kristin and Mary for this reminder. Blessings to you.
Thank you for being here, Boma!
Thanks for joining us on the porch today, Boma!
Mary I love your writing because you are so honest with a side of funny. This was totally my week too (month, years..?!?) And so I too have asked myself, “Am I too ordinary? Is this a mistake?” All of this speaks to me on huge levels.
THANK YOU!
I love Mary and her writing for the same reasons – truthful & funny! I’m glad you could be encouraged, Meghan!
I love this Kristin. Thanks for having Mary on. I’m off to share it on social media! laurensparks.net
Thanks for being here and sharing! I’m glad you could be encouraged, Lauren!
I love everything about this post, Mary! God can use us in the midst of the mundane of everyday “mom-life”, and it’s in these little moments of being faithful that we really prove His grace! Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom!
(visiting from the Grace & Truth Link-up)
Thanks for being here, Kiel!
Great post. You have such a way with words. One thing I’ve learned is that my expectations that everything should be more and better – that I should be more and better – has made me lose sight of the beauty and blessings in the ordinary here-and-now. It tempts me to neglect the simple, daily responsibilities in favor of something more exciting and flashy. I think if we were always faithful to do the small, ordinary, boring tasks that came our way – doing them for God’s glory, with all our hearts – it will eventually add up to amazing. Even though we won’t notice it as it happens. Blessings to you!
I’m with you, Heather! I’m so glad Mary shared here. Thank YOU for coming by!
I love this so much, Mary! I mean – I am a positive, Speak Life, Dream Big kind of girl… a natural encourager and hope-builder. I remember speaking into and over my girlie as she was growing up, telling her how she was made to be awesome –and I believe it is true (for all of us!) I also come from a culture that speaks into our kids and each other that we are made to be world changers and I believe that, too.
However, over the past couple of years, I have been entertaining this same question! Because in our culture (both spiritual and Western) I wonder how often we confuse ‘world changer’ and ‘awesome’ with big and loud and visible, rather than small and quiet and anonymous! I think it can be both –but my heart is to highly value either one!
When our ‘ordinary’ meets His heart and hope for us, –that is where the ‘Extra’ comes in, right?
I’m glad you were encouraged by this post, Karrilee! You’re right that world changer doesn’t always mean big and bold.