Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

  • Home
  • About
  • Books
    • Peace in the Process
    • Bringing Home More Than Groceries
  • Contact

5 Ways to Handle Friendship Changes

February 14, 2018 by Kristin 26 Comments

I’ve been missing the season of my big kids being toddlers and preschoolers – not because I want to go back to them being little but because I miss the way my friendships were then. I have a toddler again, and as we go to swim lessons and potty train I’m reminded of when I walked through these seasons before.

Most of my friends then were stay-at-home moms too. We had a babysitting co-op. We met at the park often. We left one gathering usually knowing when we’d see each other again.

I have many of those same friends, but our friendships look different because the seasons have changed. The kids have grown up and go to school and have other commitments. Some of the moms have gone back to work and a few families have moved. Our schedules aren’t in sync like they used to be.

God authors changes, even the ones that come in relationships. That doesn’t always mean changes are easy, but knowing that truth does mean I see changes differently. Because, yes, when life changes, so do friendships.

(I know, I don’t really like it either!)

I’ve shared before, I’m the kind of person who wants to hold on tightly to friendships so things stay as they’ve always been with people choose I to be around. But that’s not realistic, as God is teaching me in this season of many changes.

I’m sharing five ways to handle friendship changes. In other words, this is how I’m slowly learning to hold loosely the people I love, even when I want to pull them all closely and hunker down in a commune-like bubble.

1. Find new ways to hang out.

My best friend is a teacher, so we have to hang out at different times than we used to. Plus together we have six kids who have their own stuff. But we still find ways to hang out. Some weeks we meet for dinner one evening between my girl’s piano lessons and her daughter’s gymnastics class. We love to gather our families on Saturdays for Settlers of Catan marathons, dinner, and general catching up. The kids like when that happens too.

Another friend and I have recently been trying to figure out how to get back in the habit of hanging out. We’re meeting for dinner this week, and hopefully we’ll be able to find other times that work in this season that involves homeschool and her own part-time job for her family as well as school days and toddler for mine.

2. Appreciate the traditions you have.

The photo I chose for this post is from one of my favorite traditions with my favorite friends. Our four families have gathered for Thanksgiving dinner together the past nine years. So many things have changed over those years, but I’m so grateful we’ve prioritized this tradition.

We have other friends we like to travel with to go see Murray State basketball games on the road. We outgrew fitting in one vehicle, so now we’ll borrow a bus so we can still go together. Closer to home, we’ll meet for dinner together before games.

Remembering and continuing those traditions are some of the best ways to connect.

3. Reach out to friends as you pray for them.

People are always going through things. Families I know are walking through hard times. Marriage and parenting can always use prayer. There are medical situations and job changes. So I put them on my prayer list and then I check in with them, even if that means sending a text with some encouragement or a quote that reminded me of them.

Reaching out doesn’t have be complicated, especially with today’s technology. Even when changes are for the good, they can be hard on people. Being present with prayers is a practical way to be there for people you love.

4. Don’t take their changes personally.

It’s true that a close friend’s circumstances can affect your life and have ripple effects. But I’ve had to remind myself God’s plans for one family often won’t look like his plans for mine. You can encourage them in whatever is happening for them and still process the effects on your life.

5. Notice the provision God has for you.

When a friendship changes because of logistics and schedules, I grieve what we used to have. And that is okay and healthy. But those changes don’t mean God is leaving us without. So many times I’ve seen new friendships develop or old friendships take a new shape in my life.

Sometimes the provision looks like new friendships. My closest friends are done having babies, but God has put a different circle of people who are pregnant and adopting in my life.

God knows what we need and provides
that – even when it surprises us.

{Tweet that.}

Yes, sometimes people are in our life for a particular season. Sometimes we see the big picture in those scenarios and sometimes we have to hold onto the promise that God is for us and working all things together for the good even when we can’t see the whole thing.

I miss the friendships that came with having two small kids at the same time, but I love those kids being bigger now. And the friendships are still there, even if they take a little more work. Plus there are opportunities here with the toddler I do have and the people in our circle. I’m gathering a few of those friends at my house later this week for a lunch because God reminded the season we’re in now matters.

*****

I originally shared this post a couple years ago, but it came to mind recently so I updated it with where I am now. I needed these reminders, so I thought maybe someone else did too.

*****

Kristin Hill Taylor - Porch Stories
 Loading InLinkz ...
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • More
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Porch Stories Tagged With: community, friends, seasons

Comments

  1. Sarah Geringer says

    February 14, 2018 at 6:13 am

    Love your photo and tips here today, Kristin! Happy Valentine’s Day to you!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 7:07 am

      Thanks, Sarah! Happy Valentine’s Day to you too!

      Reply
  2. Joanne Viola says

    February 14, 2018 at 6:17 am

    Like you, I don’t like change. Kristin, you brought wisdom in this timely reminder. “The season we’re in now matters.” May I embrace this season – today – for whether I like it or not – it truly matters. Happy Valentine’s Day, friend!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 7:06 am

      Thank you, Joanne! They’re reminders I’ve needed myself, so I’m glad you could be encouraged too. Happy Valentine’s Day to you, my friend! xo

      Reply
  3. Sarah says

    February 14, 2018 at 6:44 am

    I love that picture and that tradition and the way you’re such a very faithful friend. It’s true that we have to accept some changes as they come, but I’m so grateful you won’t let a friendship go just because, say, a friend gets a job or moves away. Less than one month!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 7:06 am

      I love you and am grateful for the ways you’ve invested in our friendship across the miles the past couple of years. I’m counting down the days, my friend. xo

      Reply
  4. Michele Morin says

    February 14, 2018 at 7:02 am

    Yes!
    Now that our kids can drive, one of my friends and I hardly see each other because we’re not facilitating our kids’ social lives any longer. We have to be very intentional about putting on the tea kettle and setting a date!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 3:11 pm

      Oh, I hadn’t even thought about that season, Michele, so I appreciate the warning! It’s important to set those dates, that’s for sure. Thanks for being here!

      Reply
  5. Becky Hastings says

    February 14, 2018 at 7:27 am

    I love this. So often we think that whatever season we’re in is the way it’s always going to be, the way it’s supposed to be. Learning to let go of that is hard for me. Knowing that it’s normal reminds me that it’s okay, I’m okay. Thank you 🙂

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 8:22 am

      Learning this has been hard for me too, but I’m thankful God has shown me some beauty in change, even when it’s hard. Thanks for being here, Becky!

      Reply
  6. Jennie says

    February 14, 2018 at 8:23 am

    So appreciate this post, as I have had friend changes and trying to figure it all out.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 8:25 am

      I’m glad you could be encouraged, Jennie! Navigating friendship changes can be so hard. Hang in there, my friend! xo

      Reply
  7. SUSAN SHIPE says

    February 14, 2018 at 8:33 am

    Some posts bear repeating and this is one of them! Lots of love to you and yours today! ♥

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 8:39 am

      I needed to hear it again in my own life. Love you!

      Reply
  8. Meghan Weyerbacher says

    February 14, 2018 at 9:05 am

    I totally get this. Yeeepppp!!!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 9:09 am

      I’m glad I’m not alone! And I’m glad you’re here, Meg!

      Reply
  9. Lesley says

    February 14, 2018 at 9:50 am

    This is a great post, Kristin! It is not always easy when circumstances change and our friendships can’t work in the same way, but it’s good to find different ways to connect. This is a great reminder to be intentional about that.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 3:04 pm

      I’m glad you appreciated the reminders because I needed them myself. Thanks for being here, Lesley!

      Reply
  10. Rachel Lee says

    February 14, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    You’re definitely not alone in this! Really appreciated your insights here, Kristin. <3

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      I’m glad you could take some things away today, Rachel. Thanks for being here!

      Reply
  11. Lisa notes says

    February 14, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Friendships definitely do change through the years. I’ve seen it in my own life. Your suggestions are very good ones though to keep our friendships healthy! Thanks, Kristin.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 3:00 pm

      Getting healthy in all areas certainly in a process. Thanks, Lisa!

      Reply
  12. Jennifer says

    February 14, 2018 at 2:45 pm

    This was good for me today. I, too, tend to hold tightly to friendships (sometimes to the point of smothering) and navigating friendships in my next phase (as an empty-nester) is new for me. Friendships do change – and, yes, change can even be a good thing:)

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 14, 2018 at 2:59 pm

      I’m glad you could be encouraged, Jennifer! Thanks for being here.

      Reply
  13. Katie McGowen says

    February 16, 2018 at 9:00 am

    Such great advice, Kristin!

    My best friend lives in a different state and we only get to talk randomly but I’m so thankful for technology that makes it possible! And I’m also so, so, so thankful for MOPS and the women it has brought into my life. I have made some incredible friendships that I can see being long lasting because of the time we are investing now.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      February 16, 2018 at 9:37 am

      Thanks, Katie! I’m glad you have those relationships and the technology to keep you connected. xo

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Let’s Connect

  • Bloglovin
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter

About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and I love sharing them with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our high school girl who never forgets, our middle school boy who has no fear, and our joy-filled first-grade girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.

Learn more about my story here.

Subscribe for Updates

Recent Posts

  • How to host a party
  • All the places she’ll go
  • Cruising for Spring Break
  • How to take care of yourself
  • How to recreate favorite foods

Join the Conversation

Join the Conversation

On Instagram

🎶 All throughout my history / Your faithfulness 🎶 All throughout my history / Your faithfulness has walked beside me / The winter storms made way for spring / In every season, from where I'm standing / I see the evidence of Your goodness / All over my life … 🎶 @joshbaldwin in “Evidence”

I love summer. But my summer has started off busy: appointments, book edits deadline, establish new habits with the kids at home. All that’s necessary and good, it just cuts into my down time beside the pool. 

Today we have two open gyms for our basketball players, my book study with a few friends, a new weekly high school girls’ book study at our house, and a monthly dad-son character study. 

I long for a little more white space on the calendar, but I also wouldn’t change a thing because the kids are only 16, 13, and 7 once. This summer will only be this summer once. And I’ve already learned time flies with big kids. 

So here we are finding out footing, singing praises with church friends on our porch, grilling delicious chicken, and squeezing in the wide-open spaces when we can. This is evidence of the good stuff. 

#84daysofsummer #poolpeople #momlife #momconfessions #faithlife #livingfaithfully #favoritethings #choosingJOY #countryliving #reallife #PorchStories
The Hill family reunion at @shelterpointretreat ha The Hill family reunion at @shelterpointretreat has become a favorite tradition to kick off summer! The weather was perfect and everyone enjoyed one another. 

#familyreunion #lakelife #kentuckylake #kylake #getoutside #familytime #memorialday #memorialdayweekend #favoritethings #84daysofsummer #summerisbest #choosingJOY
Hello, #84daysofsummer! ☀️ #TeamTaylor #girl Hello, #84daysofsummer! ☀️ 

#TeamTaylor #girlmom #boymom #momlife #reallife #summerisbest #siblinglove #countryliving #poolpeople #getoutside
First of all, who else has read this book? The plo First of all, who else has read this book? The plot was promising as a thriller and the setting really worked. There were some good twists, and then there were ridiculous twists. I skimmed the end only because I wanted it to make sense. And it didn’t. It was too weird for me. 

But this made me wonder: how do we know if a book is going to be weird, contain elements we don’t like, or go places that don’t make sense? I don’t like to read much about a book before I read the book. Usually, I do a better job of picking books for myself. 

#KHTreads #bookstagram #booklover #donotrecommend #bookofthemonth @bookofthemonth
I needed this low-key weekend that was pleasant we I needed this low-key weekend that was pleasant weather, a mixture of productivity and rest, and had plenty of wide-open space to enjoy our property and each other. 

#weekending #TeamTaylor #poolpeople #countryliving #favoritethings #choosingJOY #maydays
And that’s a wrap on soccer season! I love watch And that’s a wrap on soccer season! I love watching them both play. 

#soccermom #weekending #springtime #momlife #girlmom #boymom
On Mothers Day, I wanted to sit by the pool with a On Mothers Day, I wanted to sit by the pool with a book, but I didn’t know what I wanted to read. Whenever I have indecision about books, picking up a thriller usually helps because of the story’s pace. 

“The Only Survivors” worked well because there was a lot happening! Lots of creepy, mysterious moments. Only so many people could be guilty of infiltrating a small group who had lots of secrets! 

I loved the timeline of this one. The back story about an accident was told in seven one-hour segments. The present mystery was told in seven days. 

#KHTreads #bookstagram #booklover #latergram #bookofthemonth @bookofthemonth #poolpeople #mothersday
Y’all we are very ready for summer. ☀️ And Y’all we are very ready for summer. ☀️ 

And when I say summer, I mean we are ready to shake up the routine, mentally regroup, turn off the alarms, establish some new habits, soak in the sun, and catch up with friends we’ve been crossing paths with too quickly. 

I want to savor the #84daysofsummer and I want to embrace this new season. And it’s almost time. Three more days of school. (Deep breaths.) 

Meanwhile, I’m going to keep collecting the moments — the hard, hurried, happy, and heartfelt. The seasons do change, but this is the life we are living. 

“The moments you collect may not be loud or flashy. They might be quiet or covered or a far-off view you were lucky to catch. But this I know to be true: A moment savored says to your soul, ‘You have lived something beautiful.’ And it keeps you buoyed. It sustains you when you’re running empty. It lifts you up and carries you forward.” — Joanna Gaines in @magnolia summer 2023 journal issue no. 27 

#momlife #reallife #momconfessions #livingfaithfully #summerisbest #teenagedriver #choosingJOY
I’ve read quite a few World War II novels, but t I’ve read quite a few World War II novels, but this one by Soraya M. Lane focused on three nurses, their friendships, and how the war changed their lives. It’s a hard story, but it’s full of love and hope despite the destruction around them. 

And it’s the second historical fiction audiobook I’ve listened to in a row! #KHTreads #bookstagram #booklover #audiobooks #Audible #KindleUnlimited #historicalfiction
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Favorites

Categories

Archives

Copyright © 2023 Kristin Hill Taylor | Design by Traci Michele | Development by MRM