Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

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sanctified & broken

December 20, 2017 by Kristin 30 Comments

“Be the light in the cracks
Be the one that’s mending the camel’s back
Slow to anger and quick to laugh
Be more heart and less attack

Be the wheels, not the track
Be the wanderer that’s coming back
Leave the past right where it’s at
Be more heart and less attack …”

This year I found myself stuck — emotionally and spiritually. I was mentally still reeling from some changes over the past few years that changed how and when I could process externally what was going on in my everyday life. I had poured out everything I had relationally and not positioned myself to let God refill me. I was trying to navigate the tension between my first-born, perfectionist-leaning ways and my son who is all middle child and was diagnosed with ADHD earlier in the year. Plus childhood junk crept in my present ordinary days.

I ended up making a call to schedule my first-ever counseling session. We’ve since met seven times the past couple months and our conversations have been one avenue God has used to restore my soul.

“… The more you take, the less you have
‘Cause it’s you in the mirror that’s staring back
Quick to let go, slow to react
Be more heart and less attack

Ever growing, steadfast
And if need be, the one that’s in the gap
Be the never turning back
Twice the heart any man could have …”

Our conversations in that counseling room have bounced back and forth from all the goodness in my life to how I always see room for improvement. And I’ve felt brave for doing this hard work.

We’ve addressed the reality of this season I’m in parenting tween girl emotions, elementary boy behavior, and toddler shenanigans. We’ve talked about stress and worked on a shift in perspective that accepts reality and makes time – even in small pockets throughout the day – to regroup. We talked about how I’m the opposite of ADHD yet I’m equipped to teach my son the routines and time management skills he needs and my boy is in a position to help me enjoy ordinary life.

None of this is exactly news, but it’s been freeing for me to sit for an hour and process life with a third party. With that, I’ve recognized we don’t have to bring the pieces of ourselves to God polished and put together.

God will take all the shatters & slivers
to make something beautiful.

{Tweet that.}

These lyrics scattered throughout the post are from Needtobreathe’s “More Heart, Less Attack.” This band has been the soundtrack to my last few years. Certain songs remind me of what I’ve seen God do in my life and in the lives around me. Other songs take me back to places I want to remember.

“… I stuck my hat out
I caught the raindrops
I drank the water
I felt my veins pop
I’m nearly sanctified
I’m nearly broken
I’m down the river, I’m nearly open
I’m down the river, to where I’m going”

So hearing so many of my favorite songs at a live acoustic show Sunday night was special – and it was my first experience at The Ryman Auditorium. Greg and I have seen NTB live three other times — all full band shows at outdoor amphitheaters. It’s always wonderful, but this show was so well timed. Ellie & Drew Holcomb showed up to sing “Stones Under Rushing Water” and Gavin DeGraw joined them for a completely unplugged version of “Brother.”

And God showed up – in the songs, in the auditorium that felt like church in all the good ways, and in my reflections of this year that broke and built me in so many ways.

*****

In addition to counseling, I made myself a playlist that speaks truth about God is my rescuer. I thought you might like it too. I’ve also read a few books I’d recommend to you: “Fiercehearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely” by Holley Gerth {review}; “Kill the Spider: Getting Rid of What’s Really Holding You Back” by Carlos Whittaker; and “If You Only Knew: My Unlikely, Unavoidable Story of Becoming Free” by Jamie Ivey {review}. These few books are definitely at the top of my list from 2017, but here’s the entire list of what I’ve read.

*****

Kristin Hill Taylor - Porch Stories
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Filed Under: Porch Stories Tagged With: books, counseling, music

Comments

  1. Sarah Geringer says

    December 20, 2017 at 6:08 am

    Merry Christmas to you, Kristin. Cheers for seeking counseling. I agree with you–it’s good to get a third party perspective sometimes. Blessings to you and your family this Christmas season!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 12:04 pm

      Thanks, Sarah! I hope y’all have a wonderful Christmas too.

      Reply
  2. Becky Hastings says

    December 20, 2017 at 6:13 am

    God always uses our brave…even when it’s less than perfect. Keep walking brave in faith and have Merry Christmas!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 12:03 pm

      Yes, yes! Thank you, Becky, and merry Christmas to you!

      Reply
  3. Melody says

    December 20, 2017 at 6:59 am

    Thanks for sharing this Kristin – I love how God uses such a variety of methods to let things settle in our hearts, reveal new things and help us keep growing in him. Your playlist – I like this idea very much. In fact your CD that came with your book has been such a blessing to our daughter who loves to hang in her room (sometimes to avoid her full blown ADHD brother) crank up the music and make slime. You’ve encouraged me to make my own playlist this year to keep my thoughts and mind where they need to be. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 12:03 pm

      I’m so glad the playlist has been a blessing for your family! Maybe I need to make my own daughter a copy so she can crank it up in her room! 🙂 When I was putting together songs that encouraged me so I could listen while I drove or whatever, I quickly saw a theme that God rescues us and restores our hope. And then I once again thanked God for knowing that I needed. He’s good like that. 🙂 Merry Christmas to y’all! xo

      Reply
  4. Michele Morin says

    December 20, 2017 at 7:43 am

    I loved your book list in previous post, Kristin. (I know . . . I know . . . book nerds unite!)
    And I’m fascinated by your statement that you are the opposite of your ADD boy. I know there is wisdom in that statement for me in relating to one of my boys.
    Thanks for showing up here with the real deal.
    Blessings to you as you celebrate Jesus’ birth with your family!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 12:01 pm

      Hey, nothing wrong with loving books like we do! 🙂 You know, I knew my son and I were different, but when my counselor put words on it and encouraged me in our differences, that’s really what I needed to shift my perspective. I mean, there’s still work to do, but at least there’s a direction now! Thanks for being here, Michele! Merry Christmas! xo

      Reply
  5. Barbara H. says

    December 20, 2017 at 7:44 am

    Love this: “we don’t have to bring the pieces of ourselves to God polished and put together.” We can come “just as we are,” and He’ll do the polishing and putting together.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 12:00 pm

      Yes. Amen. So thankful for that.

      Reply
  6. Kathleen says

    December 20, 2017 at 7:47 am

    Thank you for being brave and practicing self-care as an example for us. I started going to counseling for a few years when my youngest had some new diagnosis. It wasn’t really the diagnosis. It was the fact that I had been so wrapped up in raising seven kids. I needed a wake up call to practice self-care and examine where some of my triggers were coming from. Thanks for the book list too! Working on my 2018 reading list!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 12:00 pm

      That’s really what it was for me too. Ben’s diagnosis pushed me there, but there was so much else that needed to be opened up. God knew. 🙂 I’m glad you like the book list too, Kathleen! Thanks for all your love and encouragement. xo

      Reply
  7. SUSAN SHIPE says

    December 20, 2017 at 8:08 am

    #NEARLY amen to that. I have come to love your family, Kristin, and in the spirit of Christmas – I pray yours is the.best.ever. (xo)

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 11:58 am

      Thank you, friend. Merry Christmas to you too! xo

      Reply
  8. Joanne Viola says

    December 20, 2017 at 8:19 am

    So grateful for this post. Amen to this >> ““we don’t have to bring the pieces of ourselves to God polished and put together.” And now, I am humming the old hymn, Just As I Am. So grateful we need only to come to Him! Merry Christmas to you and your precious family! xo

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 11:58 am

      Oh, yes, that’s a wonderful song! And so true! Thank you for your encouragement, Joanne! xo

      Reply
  9. Maree Dee says

    December 20, 2017 at 9:42 am

    Merry Christmas to you! Thank you for being brave and sharing your journey. I am so glad you stepped out and visited a counselor. It is always great to have someone walk alongside us that is not in it with us. Friends are wonderful and usually all on our side. Counselors seem to have a perspective a friend might not have.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 11:57 am

      Yes, in Fiercehearted, Holley Gerth talks about this: Our friends are our friends. They’re biased, usually for us. Counselors are typically independent in their opinions, which frees them to say things friends may not think they’re able to say. It helped me realize I needed to do this. Thanks for your kind comment, Maree! And merry Christmas to you!

      Reply
  10. Becky Lile says

    December 20, 2017 at 11:18 am

    I appreciate you, Kristin. Thank you for sharing all of this.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 11:50 am

      Thanks, Becky. It’s been brewing awhile, but I finally had words.

      Reply
  11. Tara says

    December 20, 2017 at 11:22 am

    Oh friend, thank you for sharing your heart. I too am on the other side of unexpected changes that I couldn’t have seen coming a year ago. I am thankful that we are both starting to see new life and renewal. (Go check out my latest blog post. I think you will appreciate it immensely!) I love Ellie Holcomb’s album Red Sea Road. It really spoke to me through my liminal space this past Summer. A gift from God indeed. I will need to check out the Need to Breathe album.

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 11:51 am

      Thanks for sharing, Tara! I’m glad God keeps working, despite the changes in circumstances and environments. That Red Sea Road album is beautiful and true. I actually just bought it (again) as a gift for someone. I’m off to read your post … 🙂 xo

      Reply
  12. Lisa notes says

    December 20, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    Counseling is such a gift not only for ourselves, but for those who are around us too. I’m glad you’re being brave and have found someone good to talk with, Kristin! We all need healthy counselors in our lives, paid or unpaid. lol. May you have a blessed Christmas!

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 20, 2017 at 3:59 pm

      Yes, that’s so true! I’m guessing my family especially appreciates it. 🙂 Have a merry Christmas, Lisa!

      Reply
  13. leah says

    December 23, 2017 at 6:41 pm

    Sorry, I meant to say “linkup,” not comments, and I don’t see any way to delete my previous incorrect comment where I wrote:

    “but I didn’t realize your comments closed before 4:36 Saturday afternoon. I remembered it as closer to 6 pm. So sorry. Because I started writing Wednesday and could have some something on time, but didn’t.”

    Reply
    • Kristin says

      December 26, 2017 at 7:33 am

      No problem. Hope you had a merry Christmas, Leah!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Seven Things I Learned in December says:
    December 27, 2017 at 6:01 am

    […] it was my first experience at The Ryman, which was wonderful. Of course, I already wrote a post inspired by this, so I won’t repeat […]

    Reply
  2. Living rescued says:
    January 3, 2018 at 7:25 am

    […] Living rescued goes along with some previous posts I’ve shared here: Brave doesn’t always mean big. Sanctified & Broken. […]

    Reply
  3. Five Practical Ways to Live Rescued says:
    January 10, 2018 at 6:01 am

    […] you’re new here, here are some posts to get you caught up: Brave doesn’t always mean big. Sanctified & Broken. Living Rescued. Living rescued is about bringing gospel truth to the forefront as a foundation […]

    Reply
  4. Porch Stories in August says:
    August 29, 2019 at 7:52 am

    […] Counseling – My calendar once again has regular counseling appointments on it, and I’m so thankful for that space. I’ve missed it (and my counselor specifically) and I’ve needed it more than ever with all the things that got stuck in my head over the summer. {Here’s a post about when I first went to counseling in 2017.} […]

    Reply

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About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and I love sharing them with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our eighth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear fifth-grade boy, and our joy-filled preschool girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.

Learn more about my story here.

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I’ve been in a reading slump. I returned one lib I’ve been in a reading slump. I returned one library book I couldn’t get into and then couldn’t decide what to read next. So I went with this library book — and I’m glad I did.

“The Unhoneymooners” by @christinalauren is a funny romance novel that helped distract my mind from heavy thoughts. It also made me want to go to Maui. The dialogue is delightful, the story of quirky from the get-go, and I definitely found myself rooting for Ethan and Olive.

I also discovered by reading the acknowledgements (possibly my favorite thing about books!) that @christinalauren is the pen name for a writing duo. What fun to write novels with a friend! 

As always, I’m happy to accept your recommendations on what to read next. I may also be pondering what friend with whom to write my next book. 📚 #amreading #fiction #authorlife #bookstagram #bettertogether #romcombooks
My friend Delana called before she brought us dinn My friend Delana called before she brought us dinner yesterday and asked if we liked chocolate pie. Um, yes. Turns out both Peggy and I love chocolate pie. Delana gave us chocolate chips cookies too, you know, just in case we didn’t like pie.

My friends are loving on us so well this week with dinner & dessert, obviously. Yes, the food is good, but the way they saw a need and met it is even more gracious. (I wrote a book about gathering & nourishing your people!) Having someone provide dinner has freed up some mental space I’m able to use for taking care of Peggy and parenting my kids, some of whom have needed a little extra love and guidance this week. 

Peggy is nine days removed from open heart surgery with quadruple bypass and is doing well. She had a good check up with her primary care provider this morning. We’re thankful for our community of people who continue to pray for us, feed us, and provide help, like today’s impromptu preschool pickup when an appointment ran long. (Thanks, @katie_cunningham85 & @tstanger25!)

#bettertogether #momlife #reallife #morethangroceries #choosingJOY
We are all happy to feel some sunshine today! ☀️#thirdchild #catsofinstagram #winter #choosingJOY
Sweet @ashleelyoung brought us delicious dinner to Sweet @ashleelyoung brought us delicious dinner tonight and the dessert became a craft. I’m so thankful for the way our people love us. 💛 #bettertogether #reallife #choosingJOY
Today is National Milk Day, so Saputo, which has a Today is National Milk Day, so Saputo, which has a dairy plant here in Murray, donated chocolate milk for all the kids at @ncca.lions. This girl has never turned down chocolate milk and basically celebrates milk every day. #momlife #reallife #thirdchild #nationalmilkday #preschool
Honestly, I’ve been in a reading funk. I’ve qu Honestly, I’ve been in a reading funk. I’ve quit one book and started another today, so we’ll see how that goes. 

I did finish this one by @booksbyheather last week and enjoyed it. I loved the Southern setting, charm, and magic. And I loved how the characters untangled assumptions and expectations from their pasts to find where they belong.

What are you reading these days? #amreading #bookstagram #fiction #recommendedreads
I’ve said “I don’t know” more times the pa I’ve said “I don’t know” more times the past few days and months than ever before. I’m a planner, and I’m apparently raising kids who want to know the plan for the day and what’s coming next. Perhaps, really, that’s human nature. 

But I don’t know. 

I don’t know how Covid will affect school, basketball, and summer vacation plans. 

I don’t know how long Gran-Gran’s surgery recovery will take or what she will need from us. 

I don’t know if it will snow. 

I don’t know ... 

There are at least one million things I don’t know. But I do know this was a good weekend to hunker down inside, meet our new cousin/nephew/grandson, eat warm food, and praise God for the way my mother-in-law is recovering from quadruple bypass surgery.

#TeamTaylor #weekending #reallife #livingfaithfully #bettertogether #choosingJOY
I’m happy to report my mother-in-law Peggy is ho I’m happy to report my mother-in-law Peggy is home ... well, at our home, which is her recovery home for the next several weeks. We are grateful for all the prayers, so keep them coming as she recovers from quadruple bypass heart surgery. 

We are also grateful for all the offers to help. Today I accepted them from the @puperson27 (and @carolinemaetompkins & @norah.grace.t), @megandelaneythomas, and Julie because I needed a whole village to get my kids to and from various places and various times. 

And these flowers are lovely, courtesy Friendship Church of Christ and @serenityhcarr. Thanks, y’all!

#TeamTaylor #reallife #weekending #bettertogether
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Now we have this random recliner we never expected because Greg’s mom, Peggy, who is dear to me, had quadruple bypass heart surgery this week and needs a safe place to land when she’s discharged in the coming days. She’s going to recover here, and I was worried she would sink in the couch cushions without using her arms to push herself out. 

The recliner won’t live here forever, and Peggy probably won’t either! But the whole furniture setup is a reminder we don’t know what the future holds. This past year taught us about interrupted plans and smaller social circles. I’m thankful I had a soft place to land with my people and I want the same thing for my mother-in-law, who didn’t even know she had heart problems until recently. 

So here’s to finding refuge in the places that make sense for whatever season we find ourselves. #choosingJOY #socialdistancing #livingfaithfully #reallife #thirdchild
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