In honor of National Adoption Awareness Month, I’m sharing stories from other adoptive families. Having these other adoptive moms share pieces of what God has done in their families through adoption is one of my favorite parts of my book, “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family,” so I wanted to give you have a peek into the community of adoptive mommas God has built in my life.
Today’s guest is Melody Hester. We’re online friends who connected through blogging and then adoption. She considers infertility, miscarriage, and adoption to be painfully beautiful crucibles that brought her closer to Jesus. She blogs about life at www.lifeisabowlofwedgies.com.
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From the time our kids were babies we would recount the day we brought them home from the adoption agency. Complete with detail that included sounds – sound of the phone ringing when we “got the call” and unfortunately even the sound of the police siren pulling us over because we were so excited to get our new baby home that we were speeding. Ooops!
For months and years after we would tell the story the same way and the kids picked up on all the parts of the story so that it soon became their story to tell.
As our children got older the story stayed the same and wasn’t shared as often but harder questions came up along the way. Sometimes it would be in the middle of our son building Legos on the floor. He’d say, “Why would anybody give up their baby?” Other times out of the blue he would point to a random woman and say, “Could that be the lady whose tummy I grew in?”
For adoption to be talked about
openly is a beautiful thing.
They don’t ask these questions in the middle of reading a book on adoption. It’s always when you least expect it and out of nowhere. But it should tell us that these are thoughts going through their minds even when they’re not saying it. So for it to come out in the open is a beautiful thing. Embrace it and don’t be afraid to talk about it.
Innate feelings of rejection and abandonment are natural for anyone and especially that of an adopted child. And no matter how positive you are about the birth parents situation (and we are very positive focusing on the loving decision she made to place through adoption) and no matter how quickly you bonded and are loving toward your children, they may feel a deep sense of abandonment that they might not even be able to express in words.
The ages of six to twelve are important years in developing identity. In these years you might have difficult but good conversations. Life Science class will ask your child to write down their recessive and dominant genes. They might be the only one in class with a blank paper. That’s hard. But redeem this difficult moment for a better understanding of our true identity being in Christ alone, not our genetic makeup. We are image bearers of Jesus Christ. Before they were born God knew what they would look like and where they would call home and who they’d call Mom and Dad. That’s just awesome!
Oh, and what about the people in the Bible who were adopted? We talk about them a lot, too. Moses and, of course, Jesus – we forget about that sometimes, don’t we?
I now look back on some of the hard conversations with our children and I’m thankful we chose to talk through them. Even the times we had no answer, and the pain and wounds were raw. Prayer covers you through those times.
Once your child is adopted into Christ’s family that also is a beautiful thing. Our son said, “Hey, I’ve been adopted twice now!” when he became a Christian. Over time I saw a confidence build inside of him. As his faith grew in Christ so did the assurance of his identity as a believer and as a part of our family. And isn’t that what we desire most? For our kids to walk closely with Jesus on this earth as His adopted children.
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Yes! I love it when my son’s best buddy celebrates “Gotcha Day” with his family. The adoption story is just part of their family’s landscape and we are blessed in the process!
I love that! I’m glad you’re here, Michele!
I love that your son said he had been adopted twice. What beautiful memories and thoughts he holds for the gift of adoption, Melody. Thanks for sharing your story.
And thank you for this space to gather this morning, Kristin! Have a great week :).
Isn’t that great?! Glad to see you here, Candace!
We all struggle a little with identity. Your recognizing your son struggles more than most must be comforting to him because he knows he can share and still be loved.
I think it’s so important to recognize whatever variables factor into identity struggles for our kids (adopted or otherwise) and have those conversations that point them to Jesus. I’m glad for Melody’s example too. Glad you’re here, Debbie!
Every story so unique and beautiful! So much for us to learn about adoption both in this life and in our spiritual ones too!
Such a joy to be sharing here today Kristin. Your book has inspired me and I love your heart! My daughter wants to meet Kate – I so wish we lived closer. I don’t have an adoption support group/network here and I can see her wanting to relate to someone else in her similar God-ordained adoption plan. She’s processing this very different than our son and reading my own post today has reminded me I need to initiate more conversation than I have lately. Our son would talk about it – she not so much. Oh the daily wisdom we need and by Gids grace can have when we ask for it in faith. Thanks for inviting me in to share on your front porch. The sweet tea is fabulous!
You’re such a blessing, Melody, and I’m honored to share your words. It’s the opposite here – Cate talks much about her adoption and Ben not much. But that’s like anything with parenting, kids each have their own approach to processing circumstances. I look forward to the day we can hang out in real life. xo
It’s so much wiser and better to share a child’s adoption story from the beginning instead of having a shocking “reveal” when they’re older. That gives them so many more years to process it while at home with the people who can best answer their questions in love. So neat your son saw the spiritual parallels about being adopted.
Yes, I definitely agree with you. Glad to have you here today, Barbara!
I love the encouragement to talk openly about adoption. It’s not a secret to be hidden in the dark. And it’s for everyone to talk about, respectfully, kindly, even questioning. Embracing the beauty of adoption is good for everyone!
Most anything is more beautiful in the light, that’s for sure! Thanks for being here, Becky!
Linked up late! Adoption in the Bible – I love that!
Isn’t that great to think about! And there’s no right time to link up – just glad you did. 🙂
What a beautiful attitude: “Hey, I’ve been adopted twice now!” Thanks, Melody, for sharing this part of your journey. I, too, think it can be such a positive to be open about the adoption process. My friend’s adopted daughter (22 yrs old) has been tracking down her birth parents the past two years, and finally this year she succeeded. It has brought everyone such joy. I know not every story ends that way, but I’m thankful for the ones that do.
Yes, I like those kinds of stories, and I’m so grateful to have relationships (even if they’re not consistent) with my kids’ birth moms. Thanks for being here, Lisa!