Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

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{Three Word Wednesday} Quit doing that

December 3, 2014 by Kristin 34 Comments

A Murray State fan in front of me kept yelling, “Quit doing that.” He was obviously frustrated by what the players were – or weren’t – doing on the court. But the players couldn’t hear him. Even they could, he didn’t specify who was doing what that he wanted to stop.

As soon as I finished thinking about how pointless his yelling was, I realized I had done the same thing this morning with 5-year-old Ben. “Stop that.” “Quit that.” “Didn’t you hear me say stop?” “Why won’t you stop?” I emphasized my desire without specifying the actual request.

Too often I yell generalities and get frustrated when specific behaviors don’t change. But even if the behavior did change, that’s not ultimately what I want. I actually want my boy to learn and grow and mature. I want better decision-making ability to accompany a heart change.

That’s probably really what the fan wanted too. Some of the blue and gold faithful had gathered in Nashville – just two hours from home – to watch the Challenge in Music City. We’d all watched Murray State lose a close game Friday night and then get blown out in a second game Saturday night. As fans, we craved hope, and possibly better shooting. We wanted to see a change in the form of a win in Sunday afternoon’s game.

Yelling “Quit doing that!” isn’t going to help or inspire change. I found myself wondering how it would be different if I clapped my hands and encouraged with cheers instead of yelling general demands.

I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting. That mindset poisons my words and heart and overflows on those closest to me.

As a basketball fan, genuine cheering means showing up even at the beginning of the season when the team is still finding its way. As a parent, encouraging means showing some grace and picking your battles. It’s a lesson I struggle with but one I know God will be faithful to teach. He will do more than yell at me to quit that because he’s compassionate, slow to anger, gracious, and rich in love {Psalm 145:8}.

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I’m also linking up this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee’s #TellHisStory and Holley Gerth’s Coffee for Your Heart. 

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Filed Under: Coffee for Your Heart, faith, motherhood, road trips, Three Word Wednesday, words

Comments

  1. Katie Reid says

    December 3, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    "I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting." Me too. Thank you for your posts- they help me realize me need for growth as a Mama by offering grace- beautiful inspiration.:)

    Reply
  2. Karen Brown says

    December 3, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Oh, this is so convicting, and encouraging, and just what I needed today: "I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting. That mindset poisons my words and heart and overflows on those closest to me." Perfect! Thanks for sharing your gift.

    Reply
  3. Beth Hess says

    December 3, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    What a perfect analogy, Kristin. I, too, am grateful for a God who leads us much more specifically to our needs and His glory.

    Reply
  4. Courtney French says

    December 3, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Good post!! 🙂

    Reply
  5. Kim Adams Morgan says

    December 3, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Our words certainly do have the power to hurt or the power to heal.

    Reply
  6. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    Thanks, Courtney. As I was writing it, I thought about you'd like the analogy. 🙂

    Reply
  7. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 4:22 pm

    Yes, indeed. I'm glad you're here, Kim!

    Reply
  8. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    You never know inspiration will strike! 🙂 I'm glad you and your encouragement are here, Beth!

    Reply
  9. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    It was convicting to me too! Thanks for being here, Karen.

    Reply
  10. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    I'm glad you were encouraged, Katie. This is a lesson it's taking me awhile to learn – but one day at a time, right?

    Reply
  11. Beth says

    December 3, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    This is such a good reminder, Kristin, of the power of our words to hurt or encourage. We can forgot how others are always watching and listening. We have such an opportunity to reveal Christ in everything we do. I know we will never be perfect but may we become more and more aware what others are seeing through us. Especially our children. Love you. xoxo

    Reply
  12. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Thanks, Beth! I really like the word "reveal" … hmmm, thinking about my word for the new year and that one just struck me in your comment. 🙂 I'm glad you're here today and always. Love you.

    Reply
  13. Lisa notes... says

    December 3, 2014 at 6:03 pm

    I get tickled at basketball and football games when the fans yell so many things that simply can't be heard by the players. I guess it makes the fans feel better nonetheless? 🙂 I love your analogy that we need to be more specific and use encouraging words. Thanks, Kristin!

    Reply
  14. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    Thanks, Lisa! God's truth struck me right there in the middle of a basketball game and I started jotting down the post on my phone. 🙂 I'm glad you're here.

    Reply
  15. Susan says

    December 3, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    We are empty-nesters but I still learn and re-learn the art of grace and wisely choosing battles every day in my marriage!

    Reply
  16. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Oh, yes, it certainly applies to marriage and relationships in general for me too. Thanks for coming by, Susan!

    Reply
  17. Mary says

    December 3, 2014 at 9:02 pm

    I am an avid college basketball fan and more times than I would like to admit, I have yelled those same words. For being a quiet person, I can get quite loud during a game. Grace is such a gift that we are given and that we have the choice to share or not. I have gotten to the point with grown sons to say a quick prayer before tackling any conversations that could be difficult. It has made a difference and God grants the grace and enters the conversation to lead us through. Thank you for the link up! Blessings!

    Reply
  18. Elizabeth Stewart says

    December 3, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    This is simply good advice. With children, and others, we must be clear in our requests.

    Reply
  19. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    Thanks, Elizabeth! I'm glad to see you here!

    Reply
  20. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 3, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    Who is your team, Mary? 🙂

    I like your reminder that grace is a gift we've received AND have the freedom to share with others.

    I'm glad you're here, Mary!

    Reply
  21. Tiffany says

    December 3, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    Oh, my heart…"getting caught up in justice and forgetting about grace" Guilty! But learning! As a "first time-every time" kid and a "gotta get it right" adult I am so grateful for the balm of grace and try to be mindful of it with my son so that he doesn't get caught in the perfectionist snare. God is so gracious to us and there is just always room to give more grace (even after the 11th time I've asked him to pick up his dirty socks) 🙂 Thanks for your words today…your neighbor at Jenn's.

    Reply
  22. Heather @ My Overflowing Cup says

    December 4, 2014 at 12:12 am

    "I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting. " This resonates well with me right now as I am parenting two teenagers. Thanks so much for the link-up and the encouragement, Kristin. I really appreciate both.

    Reply
  23. Britta says

    December 4, 2014 at 3:33 am

    I started smiling when I read the title! Many days I need to hear that more my kids do… 😛 Hee her!

    Reply
  24. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 4, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    I'm right there with you, Britta! 🙂 Glad to see you here!

    Reply
  25. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 4, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    I'm glad you are enjoying the link up, Heather! I'm loving it too. I'm sure every season of mothering has its own challenges. 🙂

    Reply
  26. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 4, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    I've been trying to let God untangle me from that perfectionist snare, Tiffany, so I totally know what you mean. I'm glad you stopped by here!

    Reply
  27. Jen Ferguson says

    December 5, 2014 at 1:27 am

    God is working on my heart to be way more specific in my language with my kiddos. This is such a great reinforcement.

    Reply
  28. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 5, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    I'm always glad when what God is doing in my life is reinforced in other ways. God knows I need repetition to actually learn anything. 🙂 Glad you're here, sweet friend!

    Reply
  29. Sarah Donegan says

    December 5, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    You are so right. I will try to encourage my girls instead of yelling at them to stop. It is always nice to know someone else is screwing up their kids the same way as me 🙂

    Reply
  30. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 5, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    Yes, I'm glad I'm not alone! 🙂

    Reply
  31. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 5, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    XU has a good team this year … I know because I watched them on TV against my Murray State Racers recently. 🙂 I have a friend who went to Xavier.

    Reply
  32. dukeslee says

    December 6, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Such a good word about justice and grace, Kristin. Thank you for sharing so honestly. xo

    Reply
  33. KristinHillTaylor says

    December 7, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Thanks for your encouragement, Jennifer.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. The Mourning Of Christmas - Katie M. Reid says:
    December 5, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    […] with Meredith, Holley, Kristin and Jennifer today. You’re invited to write and read and join together in community as we […]

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About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and I love sharing them with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our eighth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear fifth-grade boy, and our joy-filled preschool girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.

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My friend Delana called before she brought us dinn My friend Delana called before she brought us dinner yesterday and asked if we liked chocolate pie. Um, yes. Turns out both Peggy and I love chocolate pie. Delana gave us chocolate chips cookies too, you know, just in case we didn’t like pie.

My friends are loving on us so well this week with dinner & dessert, obviously. Yes, the food is good, but the way they saw a need and met it is even more gracious. (I wrote a book about gathering & nourishing your people!) Having someone provide dinner has freed up some mental space I’m able to use for taking care of Peggy and parenting my kids, some of whom have needed a little extra love and guidance this week. 

Peggy is nine days removed from open heart surgery with quadruple bypass and is doing well. She had a good check up with her primary care provider this morning. We’re thankful for our community of people who continue to pray for us, feed us, and provide help, like today’s impromptu preschool pickup when an appointment ran long. (Thanks, @katie_cunningham85 & @tstanger25!)

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