A Murray State fan in front of me kept yelling, “Quit doing that.” He was obviously frustrated by what the players were – or weren’t – doing on the court. But the players couldn’t hear him. Even they could, he didn’t specify who was doing what that he wanted to stop.
As soon as I finished thinking about how pointless his yelling was, I realized I had done the same thing this morning with 5-year-old Ben. “Stop that.” “Quit that.” “Didn’t you hear me say stop?” “Why won’t you stop?” I emphasized my desire without specifying the actual request.
Too often I yell generalities and get frustrated when specific behaviors don’t change. But even if the behavior did change, that’s not ultimately what I want. I actually want my boy to learn and grow and mature. I want better decision-making ability to accompany a heart change.
That’s probably really what the fan wanted too. Some of the blue and gold faithful had gathered in Nashville – just two hours from home – to watch the Challenge in Music City. We’d all watched Murray State lose a close game Friday night and then get blown out in a second game Saturday night. As fans, we craved hope, and possibly better shooting. We wanted to see a change in the form of a win in Sunday afternoon’s game.
Yelling “Quit doing that!” isn’t going to help or inspire change. I found myself wondering how it would be different if I clapped my hands and encouraged with cheers instead of yelling general demands.
I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting. That mindset poisons my words and heart and overflows on those closest to me.
As a basketball fan, genuine cheering means showing up even at the beginning of the season when the team is still finding its way. As a parent, encouraging means showing some grace and picking your battles. It’s a lesson I struggle with but one I know God will be faithful to teach. He will do more than yell at me to quit that because he’s compassionate, slow to anger, gracious, and rich in love {Psalm 145:8}.
I’m also linking up this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee’s #TellHisStory and Holley Gerth’s Coffee for Your Heart.
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"I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting." Me too. Thank you for your posts- they help me realize me need for growth as a Mama by offering grace- beautiful inspiration.:)
Oh, this is so convicting, and encouraging, and just what I needed today: "I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting. That mindset poisons my words and heart and overflows on those closest to me." Perfect! Thanks for sharing your gift.
What a perfect analogy, Kristin. I, too, am grateful for a God who leads us much more specifically to our needs and His glory.
Good post!! 🙂
Our words certainly do have the power to hurt or the power to heal.
Thanks, Courtney. As I was writing it, I thought about you'd like the analogy. 🙂
Yes, indeed. I'm glad you're here, Kim!
You never know inspiration will strike! 🙂 I'm glad you and your encouragement are here, Beth!
It was convicting to me too! Thanks for being here, Karen.
I'm glad you were encouraged, Katie. This is a lesson it's taking me awhile to learn – but one day at a time, right?
This is such a good reminder, Kristin, of the power of our words to hurt or encourage. We can forgot how others are always watching and listening. We have such an opportunity to reveal Christ in everything we do. I know we will never be perfect but may we become more and more aware what others are seeing through us. Especially our children. Love you. xoxo
Thanks, Beth! I really like the word "reveal" … hmmm, thinking about my word for the new year and that one just struck me in your comment. 🙂 I'm glad you're here today and always. Love you.
I get tickled at basketball and football games when the fans yell so many things that simply can't be heard by the players. I guess it makes the fans feel better nonetheless? 🙂 I love your analogy that we need to be more specific and use encouraging words. Thanks, Kristin!
Thanks, Lisa! God's truth struck me right there in the middle of a basketball game and I started jotting down the post on my phone. 🙂 I'm glad you're here.
We are empty-nesters but I still learn and re-learn the art of grace and wisely choosing battles every day in my marriage!
Oh, yes, it certainly applies to marriage and relationships in general for me too. Thanks for coming by, Susan!
I am an avid college basketball fan and more times than I would like to admit, I have yelled those same words. For being a quiet person, I can get quite loud during a game. Grace is such a gift that we are given and that we have the choice to share or not. I have gotten to the point with grown sons to say a quick prayer before tackling any conversations that could be difficult. It has made a difference and God grants the grace and enters the conversation to lead us through. Thank you for the link up! Blessings!
This is simply good advice. With children, and others, we must be clear in our requests.
Thanks, Elizabeth! I'm glad to see you here!
Who is your team, Mary? 🙂
I like your reminder that grace is a gift we've received AND have the freedom to share with others.
I'm glad you're here, Mary!
Oh, my heart…"getting caught up in justice and forgetting about grace" Guilty! But learning! As a "first time-every time" kid and a "gotta get it right" adult I am so grateful for the balm of grace and try to be mindful of it with my son so that he doesn't get caught in the perfectionist snare. God is so gracious to us and there is just always room to give more grace (even after the 11th time I've asked him to pick up his dirty socks) 🙂 Thanks for your words today…your neighbor at Jenn's.
"I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting. " This resonates well with me right now as I am parenting two teenagers. Thanks so much for the link-up and the encouragement, Kristin. I really appreciate both.
I started smiling when I read the title! Many days I need to hear that more my kids do… 😛 Hee her!
I'm right there with you, Britta! 🙂 Glad to see you here!
I'm glad you are enjoying the link up, Heather! I'm loving it too. I'm sure every season of mothering has its own challenges. 🙂
I've been trying to let God untangle me from that perfectionist snare, Tiffany, so I totally know what you mean. I'm glad you stopped by here!
God is working on my heart to be way more specific in my language with my kiddos. This is such a great reinforcement.
I'm always glad when what God is doing in my life is reinforced in other ways. God knows I need repetition to actually learn anything. 🙂 Glad you're here, sweet friend!
You are so right. I will try to encourage my girls instead of yelling at them to stop. It is always nice to know someone else is screwing up their kids the same way as me 🙂
Yes, I'm glad I'm not alone! 🙂
XU has a good team this year … I know because I watched them on TV against my Murray State Racers recently. 🙂 I have a friend who went to Xavier.
Such a good word about justice and grace, Kristin. Thank you for sharing so honestly. xo
Thanks for your encouragement, Jennifer.