Kristin Hill Taylor

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Blessed Chaos

December 4, 2014 by Kristin Leave a Comment

On November 22, my writing friend Ashley Wells celebrated her one-year adoption anniversary by releasing her newest book “Blessed Chaos: A Journey through Instant Motherhood.” This book is an inspiring memoir about Ashley’s journey becoming an instant mother to four children through foster care. Below is an excerpt from the book describing when Ashley was utterly exhausted but knew she had already fell in love.

Nights were still hard and crying was a guarantee. That first week was so tiring. I didn’t sleep more than ninety minutes at a time. I am amazed at how the Lord sustained us and gave us strength to press on each day and each moment. I remember feeling unbelievably exhausted, yet I was able to get through whatever obstacle I faced. As soon as Michael or I would find ourselves with feelings of not possibly being able to do anything else, strength would come and we would do what needed done.

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” {Isaiah 40:28-29}

God giving us the power to get through each day is the only explanation for how we made it. By His power, He gave us strength when we were faint and weary. Even when we felt like we couldn’t take one more step, we would move forward in faith and be sustained.

We discovered the children had been told, in the last moments with their biological parents, they would be returning home or living with their grandma very soon. It was on the fourth day with us Jazmine (5 years old) and Jonathan (8 years old) realized this probably wasn’t true. It was as if we were soothing them on the first night all over again.

The nights were incredibly difficult. Many times there was just inconsolable crying until they would fall asleep. In those moments I would do the only thing I could think: hold them, rock them, pat their backs, sing lullabies, and pray over them. I wanted to do anything to make them feel safe.

On that fourth night I was tired, bone weary. It was a struggle to even walk from room to room. I put each kid to bed and soothed their worries one by one until they were asleep.

Christina (13 months old) was always first because she was the most difficult, and no one else could possibly go to sleep while she was still screaming. Once she finally closed her eyes I moved my attention to the top bunk where Jazmine had begun resting with a few books. Wiping tears away I gave her a hug, read her a story, said a prayer, sang a quiet song, and then finally I patted her on the back. She was a little bit easier.

Jonathan was next. He and Michael had been spending time together, with Kyle close by, as I got the girls asleep. Now it was his turn. He was ready and simply rested after a prayer. Kyle (3 weeks old, now) was the last one, the easiest of the four. As I held him and watched him enjoy his bottle, tears started to come. I couldn’t hold them back any more. I hadn’t cried yet. I was still holding it all in since meeting the kids. I let out all the built-up emotions from the week. I watched Kyle, so precious and comforted by my embrace. I was in awe of these kids and this life. I was in love. I was so happy. It was so hard. Yet I was doing it, thanks to God. In those moments I cried out of desperation and exhaustion, yet also amazement. Then fearful tears started to fall down my face fast and heavy.

I was already terrified. What if they left? What if I had to say goodbye? My heart would already be broken, and it hadn’t even been a week. I couldn’t believe how I had already fallen in love with these children, despite any biological relation.

You wonder sometimes as you are preparing to adopt, will you truly love these children even though you share no DNA? Let me tell you: Yes. I was already absolutely undeniably in love with each of the children. What if they were with us for months and then go back to their biological parents? What then? How would I go on knowing what my life could be like? Now that I had experienced these precious moments with children, I didn’t want to go on without these kids.

I cried and cried and cried, wiping my tears away with the burp cloth as I held Kyle and watched him take his bottle and softly fall asleep. I was so overwhelmed with emotion. Love. Fear. Awe. Excitement. Exhaustion. It was all too much.

Michael saw me crying and asked me what was wrong. All I could mutter out through the tears was, “I’m already in love.” Michael joined me in our room where I put Kyle to bed with tears continuing to stroll down my face. Michael held me as we stared at Kyle drifting off to sleep and I cried a puddle of tears on my pillow. That night we enjoyed six hours of uninterrupted sleep and woke feeling new and ready to face the world again.

Ashley Wells is a wife, proud adoptive mom, writer, speaker, and sweet tea addict. She blogs regularly at blog.ashleykwells.com.

________

Want more stories? “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family” is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin’, or subscribe to receive “Insights in Your Inbox.”

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Telling stories is my therapy and I love sharing them with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our eighth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear fifth-grade boy, and our joy-filled preschool girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.

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My friend Delana called before she brought us dinn My friend Delana called before she brought us dinner yesterday and asked if we liked chocolate pie. Um, yes. Turns out both Peggy and I love chocolate pie. Delana gave us chocolate chips cookies too, you know, just in case we didn’t like pie.

My friends are loving on us so well this week with dinner & dessert, obviously. Yes, the food is good, but the way they saw a need and met it is even more gracious. (I wrote a book about gathering & nourishing your people!) Having someone provide dinner has freed up some mental space I’m able to use for taking care of Peggy and parenting my kids, some of whom have needed a little extra love and guidance this week. 

Peggy is nine days removed from open heart surgery with quadruple bypass and is doing well. She had a good check up with her primary care provider this morning. We’re thankful for our community of people who continue to pray for us, feed us, and provide help, like today’s impromptu preschool pickup when an appointment ran long. (Thanks, @katie_cunningham85 & @tstanger25!)

#bettertogether #momlife #reallife #morethangroceries #choosingJOY
We are all happy to feel some sunshine today! ☀️#thirdchild #catsofinstagram #winter #choosingJOY
Sweet @ashleelyoung brought us delicious dinner to Sweet @ashleelyoung brought us delicious dinner tonight and the dessert became a craft. I’m so thankful for the way our people love us. 💛 #bettertogether #reallife #choosingJOY
Today is National Milk Day, so Saputo, which has a Today is National Milk Day, so Saputo, which has a dairy plant here in Murray, donated chocolate milk for all the kids at @ncca.lions. This girl has never turned down chocolate milk and basically celebrates milk every day. #momlife #reallife #thirdchild #nationalmilkday #preschool
Honestly, I’ve been in a reading funk. I’ve qu Honestly, I’ve been in a reading funk. I’ve quit one book and started another today, so we’ll see how that goes. 

I did finish this one by @booksbyheather last week and enjoyed it. I loved the Southern setting, charm, and magic. And I loved how the characters untangled assumptions and expectations from their pasts to find where they belong.

What are you reading these days? #amreading #bookstagram #fiction #recommendedreads
I’ve said “I don’t know” more times the pa I’ve said “I don’t know” more times the past few days and months than ever before. I’m a planner, and I’m apparently raising kids who want to know the plan for the day and what’s coming next. Perhaps, really, that’s human nature. 

But I don’t know. 

I don’t know how Covid will affect school, basketball, and summer vacation plans. 

I don’t know how long Gran-Gran’s surgery recovery will take or what she will need from us. 

I don’t know if it will snow. 

I don’t know ... 

There are at least one million things I don’t know. But I do know this was a good weekend to hunker down inside, meet our new cousin/nephew/grandson, eat warm food, and praise God for the way my mother-in-law is recovering from quadruple bypass surgery.

#TeamTaylor #weekending #reallife #livingfaithfully #bettertogether #choosingJOY
I’m happy to report my mother-in-law Peggy is ho I’m happy to report my mother-in-law Peggy is home ... well, at our home, which is her recovery home for the next several weeks. We are grateful for all the prayers, so keep them coming as she recovers from quadruple bypass heart surgery. 

We are also grateful for all the offers to help. Today I accepted them from the @puperson27 (and @carolinemaetompkins & @norah.grace.t), @megandelaneythomas, and Julie because I needed a whole village to get my kids to and from various places and various times. 

And these flowers are lovely, courtesy Friendship Church of Christ and @serenityhcarr. Thanks, y’all!

#TeamTaylor #reallife #weekending #bettertogether
I bought a recliner that doesn’t match and only I bought a recliner that doesn’t match and only awkwardly fits in our living room. When two guys delivered it today, I looked at it up against the couch we bought last year from the same store. 

When we bought the couch at the beginning of 2020, we had no idea how much it we would use it. This house has become a refuge for us. We’ve sat in those gray cushions while having church at home, binging countless seasons of Survivor, watching some basketball games and Christmas movies more recently. Rachel has taken naps. Cate has claimed her favorite cushion. Ben will always have blanket near. 

Now we have this random recliner we never expected because Greg’s mom, Peggy, who is dear to me, had quadruple bypass heart surgery this week and needs a safe place to land when she’s discharged in the coming days. She’s going to recover here, and I was worried she would sink in the couch cushions without using her arms to push herself out. 

The recliner won’t live here forever, and Peggy probably won’t either! But the whole furniture setup is a reminder we don’t know what the future holds. This past year taught us about interrupted plans and smaller social circles. I’m thankful I had a soft place to land with my people and I want the same thing for my mother-in-law, who didn’t even know she had heart problems until recently. 

So here’s to finding refuge in the places that make sense for whatever season we find ourselves. #choosingJOY #socialdistancing #livingfaithfully #reallife #thirdchild
I’m sharing #ontheblog today about creating fami I’m sharing #ontheblog today about creating family unity. Of course, this is always a work in progress around here, but commitment, compassion, communication, compromise, traditions, and Christ all help get us there. While #socialdistancing has required all kinds of adjustments, the time together has allowed for more family game nights, home church on our couches, and deeper bonds within our home.

#linkinbio #bloggerlife #reallife #momlife #thirdchild #TeamTaylor #choosingJOY
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