{Three Word Wednesday} The Birth Moms

One of my favorite things about my ebook, “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family,” is how both my kids’ birth moms contributed their words to the story. I knew from the beginning I wanted them to share their experiences, but I wasn’t sure how they would feel about that. When they each agreed, I knew our story would go to the next level. Yes, this is my family’s story, but it’s not just our family’s story.

My book received some wonderful endorsements, but the thing I loved about author Jennifer Dukes Lee‘s endorsement was how she saw all the lives that become intertwined through adoption and the prayer she offered for other potential birth moms :: 

“Peace in the Process” is one woman’s unexpected journey toward motherhood, but more than that, it’s the story of anyone whose life didn’t go according to plan. Kristin Hill Taylor shares a beautiful story of how God made a family – her family – through the beauty of adoption. Reading along, I imagined all of the adoptive families who would be richly blessed by reading these words. Even more, I prayed that this book would fall into the hands of many young women who might be weighing that difficult decision about how to handle an unplanned pregnancy. This book tenderly illustrates how God writes the most beautiful stories out of our deepest heartaches. 

{I changed their names in my book, but I describe them as they really are and share their quoted words throughout. The following includes some excerpts …}

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I liked Mandy immediately and not just because she was giving Greg and me part of herself – literally.

The lunches we shared in January, February, March, and April of that year were filled with conversations about TV shows, hobbies and, yes, the forthcoming adoption. Her parents and siblings supported her decision but most everyone else in her life didn’t realize she spent her first year of college pregnant.

I’m thankful the open adoption provided another layer of support for Mandy: 

“You all quickly turned into a wonderful support system for me through this time. I was away from most of my family and friends, and I was living a secret from almost everyone who knew me. It was a rough emotional situation on me,” Mandy said about the open adoption. “Once you all expressed the want to be involved in the doctor’s appointments and delivery, I really didn’t think about it much. I was able to detach my feelings for the baby and realize I was carrying a child for you.”

A thank you note and the biggest care package never will do the trick. I can tell her time and time again I appreciated what she did and how she handled herself – not just for herself and her boyfriend, but for us and for Cate. I hope our girl has part of her determined spirit and positive attitude.

And then I can say it’s in the genes.

When Mandy, Greg, and I gathered in a booth at a Bloomington, Indiana, restaurant, this brave teenager told us how she was grateful to have a plan after half a pregnancy of wondering what she should do. Seven years later, she reflected on the beginning of this process that would change both our lives:

“When I found out I was pregnant, I was in my first year of college, recovering from my battle with cancer and finding out what a ‘normal’ life for a 19-year-old was. My parents had offered to help me take care of the baby, if that is what I wanted, but I didn’t. I wanted my child to grow up in a stable environment. I didn’t want her to have to ‘grow up with me.’ In a way I was being selfish because I wanted to be able to experience the true college life – turning 21 and being able to go to a bar without wondering who I would get to babysit, choosing where I wanted to go to college, and freeing myself from my parents. The more I thought about my options of parenting her versus placing her for adoption, I knew this was another struggle God put in my life to overcome. That’s when I knew I was going to find the best family to take care of my baby.”

We continued meeting Leigh for doctor’s appointments. “We” usually meant 2-year-old Cate and me. Conversations with Leigh were easy even though I know making an adoption plan was hard on her momma heart. In Greg and me, Leigh found what she wanted for this baby boy – financially secure, religious, well-rounded people, in her words. “Having you two involved in the latter part of pregnancy was very important to me and helped me with the decision of adoption,” Leigh told me as she reflected on the adoption more than four years later. “It made me feel better getting to know the two of you more and being able to accept that this was the right decision I was making.”

Leigh’s dad and stepmom as well as others in her life were supportive of her decision and kind to Greg and me when we briefly met. We also found an ally in the obstetrician, who was a family friend of ours and had taken Leigh and our unborn baby under his care. “My family and everyone in my life at that time supported me of my decision, which made the whole process much easier,” Leigh reminisced. “I was happy to have that support system.”

… Once Ben was born, the nurse took him to a neighboring room to clean him up, which was Leigh’s preference. After hugging Leigh multiple times, Greg and I followed the nurse, who carried our son. She tended to him and then we held him. This great nurse even was good with the camera and took a picture that turned out to my favorite from the day.

Even with the celebration, I knew there was heartache for Leigh:

“I grieved as any mother would do after delivery and losing her child. It was a feeling of being torn apart because even though I knew it was the right decision, it was still hard to let him go. I cried for many days and still do every now and then, but I still know it was the right thing and wouldn’t change my decision for anything,” Leigh said years later. “I think that adoption is a great idea for any mother who might have reservations about having a child at a bad time in their life. I’ve never believed in abortion, and to give someone a child that might not be able to have one or that might be able to give them better opportunities in life is wonderful.”

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I’m also linking up this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee’s #TellHisStory and Holley Gerth’s Coffee for Your Heart. 

Want more stories? “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family” is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin’, or subscribe to receive “Insights in Your Inbox.”