Just a mom

I became a mom to two almost 4 years ago. November 2009.

People talk about the terrible 2s, but nobody warned me about 4. Seriously, this has been the age {so far} that has rocked our house.

First, with my girl. The week she turned 4, I thought she had a personality transplant. Crying breakdowns became normal for what turned out to be a temporary season. You know, the midst of certain seasons, I feel like things will never change. And this was one of those, but, really, I don’t think it even lasted all that long.

In fact, I forgot about it.

Until last night.

I was sharing with our small group from church that Ben hasn’t been himself. Now, he’s an independent, stubborn kid who has opinions about most everything. But, even so, he’s been whiny and has seemed sad about nothing really. There have been breakdowns we can’t even trace back to a specific disappointment or situation. And while I was asking for my friends to pray for him and us as parents, Cate turning 4 came to mind.

Ben will be 4 in 47 days.

And I’m grateful I’ve been here before because reminiscing gives me hope that this too shall indeed pass.

I’ve said it before and I know I’ll say it again: Being a mom is hard. Yet I don’t want to be doing anything else. I’ve actually felt distracted from my role as a mom {and wife} because I took on too many “other” commitments. God’s been teaching me about seasons and letting go and saying no and being present and finding balance.

One of these lessons came last week when I was reading “The Applause of Heaven” by Max Lucado. In a chapter on meekness, he writes:

“Once again, the mundane became majestic. Once again, the dull became divine, the humdrum holy. Once again, God’s power was seen not through the ability of the instrument, but through it’s availability. ‘Blessed are the meek,’ Jesus explained. Blessed are the available. Blessed are the conduits, the tunnels, the tools. Deliriously joyful are the ones who believe that if God has used sticks, rocks, and spit to do his will, that he can use us.”

I’ve been realizing over and over lately I’m living in such a way that assumes I have to be more than “just a mom.” I’ve created a life that has me too busy to enjoy the moments with my kids because I’m wondering when I will have to to get this and that done. I am not available in the ways I want to be to my husband, my kids and my friends.

God has been nudging me away from these good things to remind me being “just a mom” is a worthy calling. My identity isn’t in my performance and productivity spurred on by perfectionism. I’m a child of God. Yes, I’m a wife, mom, daughter, aunt, friend, neighbor, writer, diabetic, house keeper, grocery shopper, errand runner, carpool driver … and the list could go on.

And God’s got plans for me here. Here where loading the dishwasher and folding another load of clothes may seem mundane. Here where I find freedom in not going anywhere. Here where I can say yes to my friends who need help because I’ve purposefully left space on my calendar. Here where hurried doesn’t have to be the way of life. Here where God meets me in the ordinary moments.

The breakdowns will come and they will pass. The strange 4-year-old season that rocks our house won’t last forever. Neither will the days of them needing me like they need me now. God uses whatever we’ve got. He uses us wherever we are. It might seem mundane but he makes it all majestic. We’ve just got to be available.

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