{Out of the Blue} Birthday, you don’t scare me!

A true birthday gift, baked by Courtney, who doesn’t like desserts involving peanut butter!

I walked in the house with a half-eaten, homemade-by-my-friend peanut butter and chocolate cake and a bag with some unwrapped presents. I’d spent the two hours talking to three of my best friends while I ate sweet and sour tilapia at a local Thai restaurant.

Just two days before I turn 34, my heart was full. They had blessed me with dessert, dinner out, gifts, conversations and reminders of why we’re friends.

Birthdays don’t scare me. I asked my husband last night, “Is it weird I’m getting ready to turn 34 and still really like my birthday?” He said everybody liked their birthday.

And, you know, while that’s probably true to some degree, I don’t think it’s across-the-board true. My dear friend struggled with turning 35 this year. Another friends keep referring to herself as older than others when she’s just two years older than me.

I fear forgetting. I don’t want to let people down. I don’t want to forget the things my kids say and how they use their imaginations in such a carefree way. I want to be on time and not forget where I’m going. I take pictures and write stories in attempt to take away this fear.

But I don’t fear growing up. I like it here, even with the gray hairs. I like being an adult. I like that I can look back and see how God’s brought me through. But I realize it’s a process, so I can look forward and know there is more. I’m pieces of who I once was mixed with parts of who I’ve become. For someone who usually likes black and white, it’s a pleasant surprise to enjoy this shade of gray.

Thing is, it’s not just my own birthday I like. Yes, I turn 34 tomorrow, but then three days later my girl turns 6. I don’t want to wish away these days, because I do know they won’t be like this for long, but I do really love watching her grow up. I like her gap-tooth grin. She can read. She matched socks the other day while I folded and sorted clothes. She asks questions that make me ponder the whys of my faith. She challenges me and inspires me on a regular basis.

I still like to give my adult friends birthday presents and plan my husband a birthday party. I like to hang the cards my kids’ get on their days around their bedroom door frame to remind me of the support they have near and far. Love can be sealed in an envelope, and I’m not sure we ever get too old to really love it.

You won’t find me eager to be in the center of a room while friends surround me and sing, “Happy Birthday.” But sitting around that table with delicious food, even more filling conversation, and friends who wrap their love in fun-colored paper is exactly where I want to be.