“It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers and sisters, even though they are strangers to you.”
But that’s my job — and it’s the hardest one I’ve ever had. In many ways, I don’t really feel prepared, but I have no doubts this is exactly where God wants me.
I don’t wish for the adrenaline of a newsroom. I don’t wonder if quitting a job I loved and was good at doing was the right thing. I get ideas and have projects. But I am a mom first.
Holley wants the God-sized dreamer in me to share what brings me joy, especially when it comes to my God-sized dream.
I was thinking I’d write about how I love when the house is quiet and the creative words are flowing as I work on my book that is such a work in progress. Or about how I find joy in finishing a project and being pleased with the outcome.
But then I think about when I feel the more satisfying joy. That comes when my kids get it and I’m reminded I’m doing alright raising these still-young lives.
Joy is when Ben thinks I weigh 5 pounds, loves me because I give him hugs and proclaims himself as what I really love in an question-and-answer session with his preschool teacher.
Joy is when I hear Cate say, “Jesus rose from the dead. Isn’t that cool?”
Joy is when Ben hugs my best friend’s husband for no reason.
Joy is when Cate wants to give us parents her money, but then brainstorms with us how she can help someone with it.
Joy is when Ben cheers for me when he’s in the bathroom stall with me when we’re out in public. “You pee-peed, Momma!”
Joy is when Cate notices needs and remembers moments and loves loyally.
They’re only 5 and 3 years old. I’m not the perfect momma by any means. But I’ve given every piece of myself to motherhood. In 5 years, 10 months, and 13 days as a mom, I’ve felt worn and helpless. I’ve asked all kinds of people for advice. I’ve cried and laughed … in the same moment. I’ve yelled and whispered. I’ve done too much one day and not enough the next day. I’ve played and worked harder than ever before.
And I’ve found a joy I’ve never known. Often ordinary days as a mom seem like they could steal my joy. This is one of those jobs that requires investment of a long, long time. There are no quick results, although I sometimes try. Awards and praise aren’t usually given to me when I give out bedtime kisses.
But I have joy. It’s a joy I never expected and one I don’t think can be duplicated.
Yes, there are hard days. Like last night, when my sick, feverish boy was so restless he couldn’t sleep, which meant momma didn’t sleep. But then there is the day Ben brings home a school activity that makes me laugh so hard I have to text it to my husband right then because it really can’t wait 5 1/2 more hours until he gets home from work. And the times Cate talks boldly about Jesus to her friends.
I know this is joy.
It’s a joy that is real and everlasting. And, really, it’s only a touch of the joy God knows when we, his children here on earth, bring him glory. The joy breaks through the hard days when I wonder if I’m doing enough because God reminds me I am enough, thanks to his joy alone.
Tuesdays are God-sized Dream days around here and I’m linking this post along with many, many other dreamers on Holley Gerth’s blog. You’ll find encouragement, truth and community there. I also recommend Holley’s “You’re Made for a God-sized Dream.” It’s like a love letter for dreamers. You can buy it from Amazon ($11.19) or DaySpring ($8.24 with code HOLLEY25 at checkout). I’m also linking up with Soli Deo Gloria Party.
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Motherhood has definitely brought me joy that I didn't know exist. There are days when all I want to do is runaway and there are others when I think "you know, I wouldn't trade this for ANYTHING in the world" It excites me though to think that one day I will be able to look back on these messy wonderful days and look at my grown kids and know it was worth every minute because they have turned out to be pretty cool God lovin-fearin adults (at least I pray they do).
Your son's letter is precious! I miss those sweet preschool days mine are now in 6th and 2nd grade 🙁
It's definitely a long term investment, but, goodness, sometimes I just want to see quick results. Of course, the point of so much in life is truly the journey. I have to remind myself of this regularly! 🙂
How much I love your heart shared here today friend. I am so with you in this joy. Being a momma isn't easy, but oh how amazing it is. To love on our families is the ultimate dream fulfilled. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. Blessings.
Thanks for stopping by with encouragement, Wendy!
I thought I'd have a career, too. Never did I think I'd quit my job to stay home. And I love that we share this because it's always nice to know you aren't alone!
It's so nice not to be alone, especially in areas that are counter to what is the cultural norm.
This really resonated with me…I wasn't that girl who grew up dreaming those thing either, and yet mommyhood is my very favorite thing…my girl is my favorite. 🙂 (And I almost sprayed coffee out my nose when you talked about Ben cheering for you for going peepee…thought that would completely make your day!) Praise God for the JOY He pours into our lives…blessings, friend!
Aren't these life surprises the best? I'm glad Ben's cheers made you laugh – he's got a way of doing that to people. 🙂
This is sweet and beautiful! Yes, the joy of motherhood. I love that you wrote about this, Kristin. How blessed your kiddos are to have you!
Thanks, Mandy! God has used motherhood to change me in ways I didn't think were possible. 🙂
I can so relate Kristin, love this and like you read my mind and how I feel about being a mommy!! Love it!!
Thanks, Jennie! We need to get together again!
I just loved this, Kristin. So lovely and heartfelt. {And, I've discovered yet another similarity between the two of us–I, too, never grew up planning to get married and have kids. I was more interested in a career.} Ben is hysterical by the way. I love both his sheet above (my kids did one like that in preschool too) and the way he cheers for you in the bathroom stall 😉
Kristin, I love your heart–how you say, with such confidence, the source of your joy and the gift of your life from recognizing it. Thank you, sweet friend. Those precious children of yours are adorable!
There were bound to be more similarities, Elizabeth! 🙂 Ben is a constant source of entertainment, that's for sure!
Thanks, Jennifer! You're such an encourager!
I cried when I read this – it so resonated, the hugs spontaneously and excitement, thanks for sharing your JOY
I bet you have all kinds of preschooler joy around you! Triple the joy, right? 🙂