Kristin Hill Taylor

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{No More Perfect Moms} The Perfection Infection

January 7, 2013 by Kristin Leave a Comment

The Perfection Infection infects me. Big time.

I compare myself and my kids and my husband to other people, often even to the people I adore. Sometimes it’s because I think they’re doing better than me. Other times I’m full of pride with how we’ve decided to live life. But all-too-often I’m comparing what I see with what I feel. That’s like apples and oranges.

Then the apples and oranges squirt all over the kitchen floor, near where the recyclables are multiplying in the right side of the kitchen sink. I fill my son’s sippy cup countless times a day and then wish {sometimes aloud} that he’d decide using the potty was better than laying on his changing table with his hands relaxed behind his head.

Meanwhile, my 5-year-old daughter loves public bathrooms and usually decides she needs to go as soon as we sit down to dinner. Wherever we are. She wants to go by herself, but even our small town I don’t usually think that’s a good idea.

I have lots of ideas. Read: Expectations. For myself. For my kids behavior. For how my friends should respond. For my husband to read my mind. For the stranger in front of me at the check-out lane at Kroger. For my friends’ kids while playing with mine. For my piles of laundry and those crumbs on my floor. For the Lego I keep stepping on and for all the many Crayola products in my daughter’s life.

All of that and so much more is why as I continue to read “No More Perfect Moms” I wonder how author Jill Savage knew what I needed to hear. Seriously. She’s labeled my diagnosis: The Perfection Infection. She knows all the symptoms Then I remember it’s because I’m not alone. This Perfection Infection is … well … infectious. And I want to rid my life of it. Thankfully, she offers some remedies too. 

Jill Savage reminds us we are new creations in Christ and that involves deciding {each day, each moment} to follow him by putting on our new self.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. 

Ephesians 4:22-24

In the book, Jill Savage talks about changing pride for humility, fear for courage, insecurity for confidence, and judgement for grace. She elaborates on these in practical ways and comes back to them in the following chapters that focus on kids, bodies, marriages, friends, days, homes and homemaking … and the imperfections of the realities of all these relationships and responsibilities.

{You can “look inside” this book for yourself and read the first three chapters before it releases. But don’t order it yet, but get ready to do so Feb. 4-9. Along with the release of “No More Perfect Moms,” Hearts at Home and Moody Publishers will offer additional bonus resources worth more than $100 if you order/buy the book anytime Feb. 4-9. Click here to learn more about this and sign up to be reminded of the release date.}

I took notes about how I can show my husband and kids more grace. I thought about ways I could love my friends and strangers with grace. I remembered ways I could keep insecurity from seeping into my days.

Most all of it keeps coming back to expectations. And how I need to make my expectations more realistic. This doesn’t mean lower them, just change them.

“Our expectations are often what keep us from enjoying our real lives, our real families, our real bodies, and our real houses. … More often than not, we need to change our perspective to better cope with real life. We need to change unrealistic expectations to realistic expectations.”

{Jill Savage in No More Perfect Moms}

My kids are 5 and 3 years old. They don’t have self-control in the way I often wish they did. I too often scold them for acting like kids when my expectations get interrupted and tell them no because whatever they’re asking is inconvenient. I want control and others’ approval. They’re going to make messes. They’re going to mess up, sometimes at what seems like the worst time. But I want my kids to learn and grow and become the people God created them to be. And I don’t want my impatience and pride sometimes stand in the way. God created my children. And he created love and outlined exactly how love should be.

God created my husband and our marriage and my friends too. They all make this life richer and funnier and sweeter. And that’s why I want to put on humility, courage, confidence, grace, and love. Those characteristics will soften the imperfections that come with real life.

_______


A PDF copy of “No More Perfect Moms” was provided to me as part of the book’s launch team, but I’ve been excited about this book for awhile and these comments are mine. This book {and lots of extra goodies} will be released on Feb. 4. Get ready to buy it. Read my previous posts about this book and my imperfect motherhood experiences here. Want more? Subscribe to get “Insights” in your inbox. Or follow me on Twitter.

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Filed Under: books, life, motherhood

Comments

  1. Stefanie Brown says

    January 10, 2013 at 12:21 am

    From one KY gal to another, I'm blessed to journey with you! Although I live in Dallas now (near 4 years), I was born and raised in the Bluegrass State!!

    I'm looking forward to watching as HE completes the work He has begun in us.

    Blessings…

    Reply

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About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and I love sharing them with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our eighth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear fifth-grade boy, and our joy-filled preschool girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.

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I’ve loved Cate’s school experience at @ncca.l I’ve loved Cate’s school experience at @ncca.lions, a small but growing classical, Christian school. I knew there were both advantages and sacrifices of keeping her in a small class for middle school and agonized over possibly moving her to a bigger school. I only considered moving her because I wasn’t sure what her classmates, some of who are freshman this year, were going to do for high school. But they stayed, and we stayed. Now she’s an eighth grader in a class of nine. 

A couple years ago, I prayed for more girls. God gave her class two. Sometimes people move on, and sometimes people move in. But this sweet class of eighth and ninth graders has been faithful — to each other, to our school, to an unknown future. They’re paving a way for the students behind them, including my other two kids. 

God has been kind to my momma heart and given me some assurances she is where she’s supposed to be. One of these provisions is a basketball team that has become competitive with the other teams we’ve gotten to play. It’s more than just some games, though. I’ve watched my 13-year-old daughter become more confident on the court and in life. I’m grateful for her friends and their shared love of this game. I’m thankful for where God has us. 

#momlife #classicaleducation #choosingJOY #livingfaithfully #girlmom #momconfessions #bettertogether #middleschool #middleschoolbasketball
At a basketball game Thursday night, Ben told me h At a basketball game Thursday night, Ben told me he had a loose tooth and was going to go to the bathroom to maybe pull it. He pulled it. That’s #14, and he’s dealt with every single one, just as his older sister did with all 20 of hers.

Meanwhile, little sister has a loose tooth that she won’t wiggle, avoids using to eat, and won’t let her siblings pull. We’ve bribed, threatened, and failed to persuade.

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I was overdue for some TLC to my hair, so I got it I was overdue for some TLC to my hair, so I got it trimmed and colored this week. You know it’s time when the stylist takes before and after pictures. My friend @whitneyrscott at @blushsalon always does a good job. 

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Anyway, it’s Friday! So let’s do some #fridayintroductions around here. Tell me three things you’re loving these days. I’ve already mostly told you mine: 

1️⃣ My bangs. I’ve included a picture of the fun waves that Whitney gave me at the salon and the more likely normal styling — by that I mean blow drying and some minor straightening to train the bangs. 
2️⃣ New tennis shoes, which are gray & purple Brooks Launch 7, if you’re curious. My nail color accidentally matches them. 
3️⃣ The teenager in my house. I’ve been giving her grief about her dislike of my fashion choices, but I really love being around her. Honestly, she’s the easiest kid in my house right now. 

✨ Bonus current love: Who can tell me what TV character inspired my hairdo? If you know, then that’s also the TV show I recently binged and am eagerly awaiting new episodes. 

So, what are you loving — even if nobody else in your life does? #momconfessions #reallife #reallifeconfessions #momlife #choosingJOY
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I enjoyed the feuding sisters story unfolding while filming a realty show about their family’s feuding chicken restaurants in a small Kansas town. Of course, not everything is quite as it seems, so the reality show helps uncover some reality both sisters were missing.

#amreading #bookstagram #booklover #recommendedreads #thechickensisters #weekending
We needed to get out of the house today — even t We needed to get out of the house today — even though the sun barely peeked through the clouds into the cold air. #countryliving #weekending #choosingJOY #boymom #thirdchild
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Honestly, this #thirdchild of mine was probably my biggest concern with having Peggy recover from open heart surgery here: I didn’t want Rachel to hug too hard. I didn’t know if she’d understand that her Gran-Gran looks fine on the inside but hurts on the inside. She’s been booted from her room, but she’s been sleeping well on her mattress in the back living room. She’s actually probably not going to know what to do when Peggy moves back home.

For now, we’ll let them make memories together. That’s part of caretaking I hadn’t considered. #bettertogether #weekending #choosingJOY
I’ve been in a reading slump. I returned one lib I’ve been in a reading slump. I returned one library book I couldn’t get into and then couldn’t decide what to read next. So I went with this library book — and I’m glad I did.

“The Unhoneymooners” by @christinalauren is a funny romance novel that helped distract my mind from heavy thoughts. It also made me want to go to Maui. The dialogue is delightful, the story of quirky from the get-go, and I definitely found myself rooting for Ethan and Olive.

I also discovered by reading the acknowledgements (possibly my favorite thing about books!) that @christinalauren is the pen name for a writing duo. What fun to write novels with a friend! 

As always, I’m happy to accept your recommendations on what to read next. I may also be pondering what friend with whom to write my next book. 📚 #amreading #fiction #authorlife #bookstagram #bettertogether #romcombooks
My friend Delana called before she brought us dinn My friend Delana called before she brought us dinner yesterday and asked if we liked chocolate pie. Um, yes. Turns out both Peggy and I love chocolate pie. Delana gave us chocolate chips cookies too, you know, just in case we didn’t like pie.

My friends are loving on us so well this week with dinner & dessert, obviously. Yes, the food is good, but the way they saw a need and met it is even more gracious. (I wrote a book about gathering & nourishing your people!) Having someone provide dinner has freed up some mental space I’m able to use for taking care of Peggy and parenting my kids, some of whom have needed a little extra love and guidance this week. 

Peggy is nine days removed from open heart surgery with quadruple bypass and is doing well. She had a good check up with her primary care provider this morning. We’re thankful for our community of people who continue to pray for us, feed us, and provide help, like today’s impromptu preschool pickup when an appointment ran long. (Thanks, @katie_cunningham85 & @tstanger25!)

#bettertogether #momlife #reallife #morethangroceries #choosingJOY
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