Kristin Hill Taylor

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{No More Perfect Moms} The Perfection Infection

January 7, 2013 by Kristin Leave a Comment

The Perfection Infection infects me. Big time.

I compare myself and my kids and my husband to other people, often even to the people I adore. Sometimes it’s because I think they’re doing better than me. Other times I’m full of pride with how we’ve decided to live life. But all-too-often I’m comparing what I see with what I feel. That’s like apples and oranges.

Then the apples and oranges squirt all over the kitchen floor, near where the recyclables are multiplying in the right side of the kitchen sink. I fill my son’s sippy cup countless times a day and then wish {sometimes aloud} that he’d decide using the potty was better than laying on his changing table with his hands relaxed behind his head.

Meanwhile, my 5-year-old daughter loves public bathrooms and usually decides she needs to go as soon as we sit down to dinner. Wherever we are. She wants to go by herself, but even our small town I don’t usually think that’s a good idea.

I have lots of ideas. Read: Expectations. For myself. For my kids behavior. For how my friends should respond. For my husband to read my mind. For the stranger in front of me at the check-out lane at Kroger. For my friends’ kids while playing with mine. For my piles of laundry and those crumbs on my floor. For the Lego I keep stepping on and for all the many Crayola products in my daughter’s life.

All of that and so much more is why as I continue to read “No More Perfect Moms” I wonder how author Jill Savage knew what I needed to hear. Seriously. She’s labeled my diagnosis: The Perfection Infection. She knows all the symptoms Then I remember it’s because I’m not alone. This Perfection Infection is … well … infectious. And I want to rid my life of it. Thankfully, she offers some remedies too. 

Jill Savage reminds us we are new creations in Christ and that involves deciding {each day, each moment} to follow him by putting on our new self.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. 

Ephesians 4:22-24

In the book, Jill Savage talks about changing pride for humility, fear for courage, insecurity for confidence, and judgement for grace. She elaborates on these in practical ways and comes back to them in the following chapters that focus on kids, bodies, marriages, friends, days, homes and homemaking … and the imperfections of the realities of all these relationships and responsibilities.

{You can “look inside” this book for yourself and read the first three chapters before it releases. But don’t order it yet, but get ready to do so Feb. 4-9. Along with the release of “No More Perfect Moms,” Hearts at Home and Moody Publishers will offer additional bonus resources worth more than $100 if you order/buy the book anytime Feb. 4-9. Click here to learn more about this and sign up to be reminded of the release date.}

I took notes about how I can show my husband and kids more grace. I thought about ways I could love my friends and strangers with grace. I remembered ways I could keep insecurity from seeping into my days.

Most all of it keeps coming back to expectations. And how I need to make my expectations more realistic. This doesn’t mean lower them, just change them.

“Our expectations are often what keep us from enjoying our real lives, our real families, our real bodies, and our real houses. … More often than not, we need to change our perspective to better cope with real life. We need to change unrealistic expectations to realistic expectations.”

{Jill Savage in No More Perfect Moms}

My kids are 5 and 3 years old. They don’t have self-control in the way I often wish they did. I too often scold them for acting like kids when my expectations get interrupted and tell them no because whatever they’re asking is inconvenient. I want control and others’ approval. They’re going to make messes. They’re going to mess up, sometimes at what seems like the worst time. But I want my kids to learn and grow and become the people God created them to be. And I don’t want my impatience and pride sometimes stand in the way. God created my children. And he created love and outlined exactly how love should be.

God created my husband and our marriage and my friends too. They all make this life richer and funnier and sweeter. And that’s why I want to put on humility, courage, confidence, grace, and love. Those characteristics will soften the imperfections that come with real life.

_______


A PDF copy of “No More Perfect Moms” was provided to me as part of the book’s launch team, but I’ve been excited about this book for awhile and these comments are mine. This book {and lots of extra goodies} will be released on Feb. 4. Get ready to buy it. Read my previous posts about this book and my imperfect motherhood experiences here. Want more? Subscribe to get “Insights” in your inbox. Or follow me on Twitter.

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Filed Under: books, life, motherhood

Comments

  1. Stefanie Brown says

    January 10, 2013 at 12:21 am

    From one KY gal to another, I'm blessed to journey with you! Although I live in Dallas now (near 4 years), I was born and raised in the Bluegrass State!!

    I'm looking forward to watching as HE completes the work He has begun in us.

    Blessings…

    Reply

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About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and I love sharing them with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our ninth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear sixth-grade boy, and our joy-filled kindergarten girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.

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Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have picked up thi Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have picked up this book had a dear friend who always comes in clutch with book recommendations let me borrow it. My mind has been swirling this week. Just lots of life happening all around me. 

I picked up this book while Ben was at his counseling appointment and read most of that hour, then again that evening, and then again the next day. This book could be read slowly because the words are lyrical and lovely, but I couldn’t put it down. The scripture, stories, and songs were balm for my soul right when I needed it. 

“Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!” — Psalm 43:3

This book is about that invitation from God. Songwriter @sandramccracken  tells us how she’s accepted the invitation, lived in the light, and brought others with her. 

I started taking notes on the very first page, but I will leave you with this, for now:

“There will be a full telling of our stories, a reckoning of every injustice, and a mending of every broken system. This is the good news, the promise of peace, working backward from that future reality, bringing that healing light-filled promise to bear on our lives, to shine on our present sorrow and on our yet-unanswered questions. He is with us. It will be all right in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.”

#KHTreads #bookstagram #recommendedreads #livingfaithfully #reallife #choosingJOY #storiesmatter
“Darkness does not define us. It attends to us, “Darkness does not define us. It attends to us, surrounds us in regular intervals, but it does not have the last word. God limits the darkness. He has authority over it and is not bound by it.” 

— @sandramccracken in “Send Out Your Light”

#KHTreads #countryliving #livingfaithfully
What is saving my life … My home is a refuge an What is saving my life …

My home is a refuge and shelter from the loud, crazy world. I love being here. I’m thankful for a break from the routine and busyness. I like a chance to have slow mornings and not much of a plan for the day. I’m also grateful for the chance to host others in our home. 

And, of course, books. I love reading and seeing those around me reading too. Stories are also such a refuge for me. 

#OneDayMay #maydays #reallife #88daysofsummer #choosingJOY #KHTreads #momlife
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” - @brenebrown attributes this quote to Viktor Frankl

Months ago, I made a counseling appointment for today. And it certainly came at the exact right now. 

Honestly, the transition into my favorite season has been rocky — and I’m not totally sure why. I know some circumstances that are contributing to that, and I also know my responses haven’t been what I want them to be. But I’m not entirely sure what to do about it. 

Slowing down, listening to my body and mind, setting boundaries, being honest, and counting the wins and gifts should help. At least those are the things my counselor and I discussed when I talked for every minute of our session. Sometimes I go not knowing what we will dive into. Today I knew. She said these were good conversations. She reminded me of what I know to be true, that what I’m doing matters. Intentional parenting matters every single day even though there are no results to quantify. 

Many things are stimuli in my life. Yours too, I’m sure. I don’t leave even space between the chatter, lies, responsibilities, burdens, gifts, and routines to respond kindly and gracefully. I’m quick to be angry and anxious. I want to slow down my brain and give myself more space to truly live. I’m pretty sure that’s the space where God grows pretty things. 

📷: Cate Taylor, 15

#OneDayMay #maydays #livingfaithfully #choosingJOY #reallife #momlife #flowerphotography #summerisbest #88daysofsummer
@emilyhenrywrites is really good at writing romanc @emilyhenrywrites is really good at writing romance novels that go deeper than a cheesy love story. Her characters navigate grief and disappointment that comes with real life. In the cleverly titled “Book Lovers,” Nora and Charlie work through a lot as people and a couple to discover what they’re happy ending looks like. Plus it’s set in a Hallmark-movie-like town that works well for this story for people who love books and lovers. 

#KHTreads #bookstagram #recommendedreads #favoritethings #amreading #Kindlebooks #kindlepaperwhite
Oh, Monday. It’s the first actual week of #88day Oh, Monday. It’s the first actual week of #88daysofsummer and it feels like fall out. That would be lovely, except my people and I were ready for pool time. 

One kid got up way too early and was having all the feels. I subsequently got up way too early and came out of my bedroom ready to implement morning habits and conquer boredom. Nobody else was very excited about my strategy. 

By 10 o’clock this morning, I suggested one kid take a nap and retreated to my own room with my phone, my Kindle, and lots of thoughts. I had a small revelation that helped me better see my kids as the individuals they are. 

I made plans to walk with a friend and later dragged all my kids along. Yep, even the one in a boot and on crutches for at least a few more days. You see, that injured kid also started Summer Break with his third strep diagnosis since February. He certainly needed fresh air after a couple of days stuck inside the house. 

We all needed fresh air, fresh perspectives, and a fresh start to the day. Today the walk outside is what helped. Another day there may be a different strategy, but I’m thankful I found way through all the feelings and disappointments this morning and can feel a little sunshine in my day, even if it’s only the figurative kind of sunshine. 

#momlife #maydays #reallife #kentuckyweather #kyweather #confusedweather #summerisbest #poolpeople #choosingJOY #thirdchild #monday #mondaymood #momconfessions #PorchStories
I miss … … a few particular friends from whom I miss …

… a few particular friends from whom I’m separated by circumstances, logistics, and distances. 

When I make a friend, I intend to stay friends forever. Of course, life doesn’t always work out that way. 

I don’t miss my kids being young, but I miss the ease of socializing with my friends during that season. It was easy then to meet at the park or go somewhere for lunch. Now there are so many schedules to work around. 

Scheduling time to lunch or get together is still my love language, it just takes a little more work, patience, and persistence now. And sometimes that’s exhausting. But it’s always worth it. 

#OneDayMay #maydays #bettertogether #livingfaithfully #reallife
School’s out FOR THE SUMMER! #88daysofsummer #mo School’s out FOR THE SUMMER! #88daysofsummer #momlife #siblinglove #summerisbest #maydays
I’m proud of myself for … … surviving and t I’m proud of myself for …

… surviving and thriving this school year. I resist change almost all of the time, and the past nine months have been full of so many transitions for our whole family. I know, that’s life, but these changes seem like the kind that will mark us forever. 

My kids navigated new beginnings in kindergarten, middle school, and high school. As a mom, sometimes I’m too close to see the growth, but this year it happened in each of them right before my eyes. They navigated friendship hurdles, embraced new friends, and settled a little more into who God created them to be. Middle school isn’t for the faint of heart, but I feel like I’ve come out of this year closer to my son, so I will take it. 

I’m proud of myself for leaning into where God has me. I’ve grown deeper friendships, invested in my kids’ school as a board member and business manager, and seen God work in our ordinary days. 

Y’all know I’m a summer girl, so I’m proud of myself through getting through the winter and coming into summer stronger and braver. 

#OneDayMay #maydays #livingfaithfully #choosingJOY #momlife #summerisbest #bettertogether
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