Kristin Hill Taylor

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Giving God a chance to perfect the story

January 13, 2013 by Kristin Leave a Comment

I was almost ready for church this morning when I heard my kids picking on each other. The arguments diffused as quickly as they started, and then I noticed a little chair pulled up close to the kitchen counter. The evidence that my 3-year-old boy had tried to reach markers he wasn’t supposed to have irritated me.

Then as he walked toward me talking about wanting to color, I noticed him sticking the eraser end of a pencil in his ear. I was irritated some more, but I tried to hide it. I told him he wasn’t using coloring utensils right, but he could find a book to take to church. He returned a few minutes later with a book. And then he stuck it in my mouth. I asked him in a too-frustrated tone to take the book out of his mouth. He didn’t. So I yelled about how I wished he’d listen.

My husband tried to tell me to chill out. Of course, that annoyed me too. My mood and I angrily picked up some toys I thought my son should have already taken back to his room.

I knew in that emotional moment I should have showed more grace, spoken softer, loved more, moved more slowly, and remembered kids will be imperfect kids. My imperfections were shining through oh-so brightly, yet I was expecting perfection from my boy who still depends on me so much for guidance and assistance. 

All the while, it was time to leave for church, so I started to corral the kids in the mini van. {I say this like we have a large brood. Nope. Just two. Yet I sometimes still feel like I’m herding cats.} But as I was doing so, I realized it was much colder than I thought it was and backtracked to get my daughter’s coat as my husband helped my boy with his. I opened the door and as I was doing so, I heard the door knock hardly into something. That something was my boy’s head. The door knob hit him above his ear. Hard.

And I felt terrible.

I had been chewing him out in such a nagging way. Admittedly, I was still irritated with having to remind and repeat and corral and correct. Yet none of that had anything to do with my poor timing of opening the door and Ben’s unfortunate location right in the path of the door knob. All of my woe-is-me-as-a-mom emotions were pushed away by my wanting to comfort Ben, who didn’t cry as much as I thought he would normally and was barely talking, which is totally abnormal for my boy who sings and growls and talks nearly constantly.

Ben seemed shocked, sad and mad. He didn’t want to talk to me. He wanted Daddy. On the way to church,  I finally got a response when I asked him to growl like a dinosaur. It was strange but sweet music to my ears.

My heart was heavy. I told my son I was sorry for yelling at him. He did give me a kiss as Daddy held him as we sang songs to open the church service. But God wasn’t done. 

Our pastor mentioned Sanctity of Life Sunday, a time set aside to bring awareness to how many lives have been lost through abortion. Google tells me other congregations will bring attention to the issue next week. Regardless of the official date, January 2013 is the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Since that decision that legalized abortion, at least 55,808,387 babies weren’t given a chance to live, according to information provided by our local pregnancy crisis center.

That’s 55.8 million stories that remain untold.

God still wasn’t done speaking to my heart. 

A friend of mine gave an update about her high-risk pregnancy and her baby girl who is not developing properly. There is the possibility her baby may not breathe many breaths outside the womb. Best case scenario still means a harder life with shorter-than-normal limbs. My heart has been heavy for my friend and her family.

A prayer time for my friend and her unborn baby followed. I thought about how I’m encouraged my friend’s faith to trust God and believe God is indeed good all of the time, even when the world as we want it comes crashing down. I prayed the peace that passes all understanding would cover my friend. I wanted to take back yelling at and nagging my son.

I walked back to my seat, feeling grateful. I’m thankful the two birth moms who carried and birthed my kids chose life for them. I’m thankful I have a husband who loves me so much he wants me to trust God and give him control over every detail of my life, especially my words. I’m thankful for a faith community that prays and encourages and teaches one another.

And I’m thankful for the ways God perfects me and refines me and strengthens me through my imperfections. I really do want to trust him to do the same for my kids.

________

This is yet another post in an ongoing series about how God’s teaching me to embrace imperfection. You can read my previous posts inspired by “No More Perfect Moms” here. Want more? Subscribe to get “Insights” in your inbox. Or follow me on Twitter.

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Filed Under: adoption, Ben, faith, friends, motherhood

Comments

  1. HalleenMama says

    January 13, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    I have walked (and still walk) in your shoes. Thank you for you candidness. So glad to share stories of our imperfections and God's grace that he lavishes on us regardless. BTW: I have often thought I corral 2 sloths, and it feels like 10! 😉

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About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and I love sharing them with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our ninth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear sixth-grade boy, and our joy-filled kindergarten girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.

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I’m honestly surprised I didn’t read this book I’m honestly surprised I didn’t read this book sooner. I loved so much about it, but I did want some of her stories to be  less repetitive and offer more practical advice for living out “radical, ordinary hospitality.” Rosaria Butterfield defines hospitality like this as sharing what you have in real time, preparing to continually life this lifestyle, and bringing strangers in so they become neighbors who become family. 

I took notes throughout, but especially during the introduction. I came away with an appreciation that hospitality can involve lists, schedules, and habits. I felt encouraged, even if I thought the book could have been organized better to include practical tips and other people’s stories. 

#KHTreads #bookstagram #audiobooks #livingfaithfully #bookreview #booklover
Something I don’t usually share (online) … I Something I don’t usually share (online) …

I am an opinionated person, but I don’t usually share political opinions on social media. People who know me in real life know I value being pro-life, having less government involvement in our everyday lives, defining marriage as God intended it, and being fiscally conservative. As a former newspaper reporter, I still get excited about elections. I admittedly pay a little less attention in the almost 15 years I haven’t been in a newsroom. But I still care and have plenty of opinions. 

I voted today in Kentucky’s Primary Election. I’m thankful for the freedom to share my opinion by darkening some blocks on a paper ballot. 

#OneDayMay #maydays #reallife #livingfaithfully
Old friends and live music are two of my favorite Old friends and live music are two of my favorite things, so having them together is the best. My friend Aaron and I went to multiple Dave Matthews Band shows together during our college years, so now two decades later it’s fun to do it again as grown ups with our spouses for a band that speaks truth into our lives. 

@needtobreathe put on the loudest acoustic tour I’ve ever seen, but it sure was good! And its encore of completely unplugged songs was especially sweet. 

#NTBlive #needtobreathe #bettertogether #choosingJOY #favoritethings #livingfaithfully #weekending
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… a slow morning that gave me a chance to finish reading a good book right after I fixed my favorite cinnamon toast. 

… some shade to invite me to pick some more weeds around the house. But why doesn’t my Apple Watch count this as exercise? It felt like exercise to me! 

… an appointment with my oldest girl for us both to get our nails done this morning. 

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#OneDayMay #maydays #soccermom #KHTreads #momlife #weekending #choosingJOY #livingfaithfully #poolpeople #PorchStories
I regretted having to go to sleep last night befor I regretted having to go to sleep last night before I finished this book, so I picked it up at breakfast and didn’t do anything else until I finished it. 

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Happy Friday! 🎉 We’ve got four more days of s Happy Friday! 🎉 We’ve got four more days of school next week and then it’s #88daysofsummer! Obviously, we’re ready. ☀️ 

Here’s to a refreshing weekend with much anticipation of what’s to come! #weekending #choosingJOY #livingfaithfully #thirdchild #momlife #summerisbest #poolpeople #PorchStories #maydays
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I’ve already bou ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I’ve already bought three copies of “Glad You’re Here: Two Unlikely Friends Breaking Bread and Fences” by @walkerhayes and @craigallencooper to gift to specific friends. I’ve referenced this story in conversations this week and will likely recommended it for years to come. 

This story is about two seemingly different guys befriending each other because their kids were on the same baseball team and their wives became friends. They kept showing for each other, encouraged each other, and changed each other for the better. In fact, their friendship was the catalyst for Walker deciding to follow Christ. 

Give me Applebee’s on a date night, a real-life story of how we are eternally better together, and an audiobook that makes me want to drive and I’m a happy girl. I’m fancy like that. 

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I’m majorly behind on laundry, dishes, emails, a I’m majorly behind on laundry, dishes, emails, and to-do lists. Birthdays, a field trip, end-of-school things, squeezing in some friend dates, and just general life with three kids have occupied much of my time. But my friend @whitneyrscott at @blushsalon did tend to their shaggy hairs. So check! 

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What I’m wearing … I don’t wear in jewelry, What I’m wearing …

I don’t wear in jewelry, but I love having bracelets that mean things to me. 

Today my friend Monica and I talked to our oldest daughters’ high school health class about adoption. My other friend @megandelaneythomas invited us because she recently taught about the reproductive system and wanted the class to hear about adoption as an option. We talked about adoption as a process, redemption to broken circumstances, and picture of God grafting us into his family. We shared resources and advice on counseling for abortion, befriending people who have made different relationships choices, and parenting regardless of how God builds a family. 

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Things working together for the good in Christ doesn’t mean easy or convenient. But it does mean all the details and relationships matter. I’m forever grateful for how God built my faith and my family through adoption. Wearing these sweet reminders is good for my soul. 

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