I have lots of things on my mind. Some important. Others slightly more trivial. And I’ve been thinking about how to make my thoughts into a blog entry …
I’m not there yet. But I’m blogging anyway.
So let’s let someone else start. I read this earlier in the week:
Practically every aspect of the holiday season can be tied to some sort of tradition. The reality of traditions, however, is that they eventually have to change. That seems kind of odd, given the definition of the concept, but when you think about it, it’s impossible for things to always be exactly the same. …
Even if you have been able to maintain the same arrangements for major holiday events for several years, change will eventually come. Parents and grandparents grow older and may be unable to host the big family bash like they did for years and years. Once your children are a little older, it may be important to you and to them to wake up in your own home on Christmas morning.
… There are lots of reasons why traditions undergo changes as the dynamics of your family change,but there are ways to keep family traditions strong and healthy. Focus on the positive parts of having a tradition–being with family, having fun together, and remembering why we celebrate. Base your holiday activities on that principle and your traditions will not be so hard to bend every so often in order to accommodate change. …
Holiday traditions are important parts of our lives. But remember that they may need to change every so often. It’s OK to bend them to adjust for your circumstances…and when you have to break them, do so gently.
–Becky Wiese in a Hearts at Home newsletter
Oh, boy, traditions. The thing I’ve been thinking most about traditions is how we want to start them with Cate. Some can start now. Like the one that involves me buying her a Christmas ornament each year. Eventually she’ll hang it on the tree herself. This year, I decide it was best that I handle it. She would have just put it in her mouth.
Other traditions will have to wait. Like doing something every day in December in anticipation of Christmas. I’m talking something like untying a piece of candy from something cute that counts down the days.
I also want Cate to wake up in our house on Christmas morning. I want to enjoy Christmas morning as a family, with music, presents and a good breakfast. That’s probably a good one to start next year. When Cate can participate, at least by eating more than baby food.
But to have new traditions, I maybe have to let go of old ones. Like going to midnight Mass with Mom. Although I’m going to let go of that one this year because the idea of having a 7-month-old in church at midnight is ridiculous. (My baby sleeps through the night and I think messing with that is crazy!)
My other struggle is to balance our extended families. Mine is in Louisville and doesn’t really have many steadfast traditions. Greg’s family is bigger, closer and full of traditions. This is our sixth Christmas together, and I still find myself trying to balance our families. Thing is, and I have no idea why it took me so long to figure this out, our families will never be balanced, in the equal time sense of the word. There are more Taylors and they are closer to our house.
Now, this doesn’t change how I feel about my family. My family is my family. Always will be my family. But they plan a little less and don’t have nearly as many Christmas parties and events.
I am, however, looking forward to being with Cassie and Zac in Louisville on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day because it was last year at that time that they came bearing the news of a baby on the way who needed a home. The hope of Cate began last Christmas. Not a baby. We’d hoped for a baby for quite some time. But Cate was already growing and plans started being made for her to be ours.
On a related but different note, I also read this:
It is not always easy to be friends with those to whom you are related, but it is very good to make peace with them. Even when relationships are strained, we can be happier and healthier people when we see the truth in others only as clearly as we see it in ourselves. Relatives can be just that kind of mirror. As I enter the Christmas season, I will try to see the good that we share, correct the habits that have thrown us off, and enjoy the diversity God has designed even in our similar DNA. I will try to become the kind of relative others look forward to visiting.
–Mother Cheryl Pacilio in the same newsletter
There are a couple people in my family with whom I have a hard time forging a bond beyond the fact we’re related (and I’m not talking about my mom, my sister or my mother-in-law here …). But I dearly love both my family and Greg’s family. Sometimes I just have a hard time expressing that to a couple certain individuals. I’ve been trying to think of ways to create bonds, but sometimes I’m left with no ideas.
Even so, these people are in my life, and I hope I can learn about myself, them and other relatives from being around them. Even if I struggle to find common ground outside family functions, I certainly can make the most of the time I do spend with them.
And, one more thing, if you’re still with me. I never really blogged about the Jars of Clay/Third Day concert we went to last weekend. Jars was mellow and wintry in a way that helped me be thankful for the season. Then Third Day helped usher in the celebration of the season with stories about the songs, for which the words were displayed as a backdrop.
My favorite song from that night (and while listening to their Christmas CDs) changes daily, but today I keep thinking about this Third Day song about one of the band member’s adoption process.
There’s a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma’s arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are
But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine
It’s Christmas time again but you’re not home
Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas
As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I’m warmed by the fire’s glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow
But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven’s angels come to carry you here
It’s Christmas time again but you’re not home
Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas
Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
and we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
and prepare a place for us
so we could have a home with him above
It’s Christmas time again and now you’re home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I’ll hold you in my arms
And I’ll tell you from my heart, and I’ll you from my heart
I wish you Merry Christmas
–“Merry Christmas” by Third Day
I’ve never heard that song. I bet it’s beautiful.
We are having trouble getting our tradtitons established as well. D worries about upsetting his family by ‘suddenly’ (i put that in quotes since I’ve been negotiating a switch for the last three years)switching gears and doing what we feel is best for our family. It’s hard when we’re out of town and our extended family is not so easily accessible. I hope we’ll figure it out soon since the boys are getting older and at the point that they’ll actually remember our holiday celebrations from here on out. Unfortunately, i think in doing so, we will step on some toes. But there comes a point where ‘they’ are going to have to pick up their feet and get their toes out of the way!Up til this point in my life, i have allowed myself to be walked on and told what i should or shouldn’t do (a doormat, i think is the appropriate term!) and i’m done. I’ve finally developed the strength to say what i want and i’m hoping D will jump on board and support me on this. We’ll see…
We have tradition issues, too. Thankfully, Michael’s family is super easy to please, but my family is not. I think it’s mainly because we don’t share the common bond of Christ, and because the focus is off of loving each other and on to rituals.
Fortunately, we’ve been far away long enough that people didn’t expect us to “make the rounds” for Thanksgiving AND Christmas, so we’ve had Christmas to ourselves for several years. BUT, the question becomes: how should my family celebrate Jesus’ birth? How do I make this time special, reflecting the true meaning?
I’ve been working on a Countdown Advent Calendar that I’m very excited about… A little late for this year, I know, but hopefully I’ll have it done in time for the last week of the season. It starts December 1 with Creation and hits some themes along the history of man, through to the events leading up to Jesus’s birth – hopefully portraying that Christ was God’s amazing plan from the beginning. The piece of the calendar for Christmas Day is about our response to Jesus – we are compelled to give the finest of what we have to God and to others, and most of all, we give God our Heart…
I can feel those overwhelming, wonderful anticipatory feelings for Christmas I had as a child coming back. The marked difference now is that instead of looking forward to my own gain (lots of gifts and my own particular traditions), I’m looking forward to sharing the salvation message with my children – a depth and richness of experience that I have never had before.
Much of these past few years has been about taking hard looks at everything “normal” about my life and viewing it from God’s vantage point. What SHOULD this look like? what SHOULD I do? what do YOU want me to be? how can I obey and love YOU more? I have been purging the old traditions of my flesh nature and either tossing them or letting the Lord redeem them for His purposes. So everything surrounding this season, then, can be washed clean with that perspective, attitude, and outflow of the Spirit.
I pray that whatever the Lord is calling You to do, whatever you decide to do, whatever happens despite your plans – that your Christmas would honor and glorify the One who not only is the REASON for the season, but who made ALL Seasons for His perfect reasons! I pray all of us (especially me!!) don’t get so caught up in ideals that we lose sight of the real, so caught up in our visions of future traditions that we lose sight of the calling we have now, and keep our eyes on our All in All!
Sorry for the super-long post! 🙂 Love you! Merry Christmas!